Pajiba

Rowles....WHAT THE FUCK are you still doing here poting shit??!!!!!!!!! Especially about mothefucking Twilight??!!! (not worth the time to html tag)

Get thine ass to a showing of WTWTA most ricky-tick before I have to smash your face in Macho-Man Randy Savage style. You should have been in line for the first show at 11am.

EDWARD CULLEN IS HOOOOOOOOOOOOOT! And REAL! Don't destroy my masturbatory fantasies Dustin.

In all seriousness though...I was once a silly teen girl. And I had silly teen obsessions. Not to this level, but at that age it's easy to get sucked into a Twilight-esque phenomenon. The adults sadden me, but I have hope for the young 'uns.

However...I do not remember my obsessions. Hmm. That's probably because my subconscious has blocked them from my memory in order for me to go through life with a modicum of self-esteem. If I somehow DID remember how I used to tape pictures of Jonathan Brandis to my bedroom wall and rewatch Sidekicks and Ladybugs and dream that one day we would be wed because we shared the same birthday, well...the consequences would be dire.

...FUCK. Jackée!!!!!!!!!!

"maybe if sean penn played a draft dodging, commy pinko, dick suckin robot you would have liked it more. truth, i was in the theatre with a few hundred people and everyone seemed to enjoy the film.."

------------------------------------------

Hmmmm, this guy brings up a good point. And you are a huge pinko, Rowles.

im not fond of reading a thick book

*shakes head*

to be fair, I think that some of those were probably written in ESL.

I sincerely hope.

P.S. #3, I love your use of "thier" to cover both "there" and "they're". It could probably also be used for "their", couldn't it? Fantastic. Thank *you* for adding a single, new word to cover all those other stupid words that make sense. My life is so much easier now!

also: dick suckin robot

i am NOT a robot! i have feelings, damnit! HUMAN feelings!

OMG! Teenage girls get obsessive about things!! This is like no cultural phenomenon that has ever happened before!!!
or...not.

Cheer up, Dustin. Just be grateful you had a boy.

PissBoy...I WILL slap you tonight. Don't soil the memory of my Brandis!

The thought of my girls growing up and liking Twilight-like bits of pop culture doesn't bother me, since it's a phase most teenagers have to experience, but I'll be damned if I let them have such poor grammar skills. One day of grounding for every punctuation missed. You can love whoever this Edward Cullen yahoo is all you want, but be prepared to write me a 500 word essay on his merits. And it will be graded.

It seems cruel to laugh at the feeble-minded. Great fun, of course, and absolutely necessary if we ever hope to advance beyond the monobrowed sub-literates contained herein, but . . . I've forgotten where I was going with this.

Who in the fuck is Steven Segul? Sounds like a serious actor to me.

"EDWARD CULLEN IS HOT! EDWARD CULLEN iS HOT!!"

Congratulations, you have all just read the first Twilight book. Come back next week for a reading of the second book. Here's a preview (spoilers):

"OMG EDWARD LEFT! OMG EDWARD lEFT!!"

you see that! tracer has forgotten, i told you this would happen. just Talking About twilight is making us dumb.

mark my words, this ignorance will multiply at a zombie-apocalypsian rate. i myself can feel the tug of the chipmunk's squeequel.

we MUST fire the murdertank and at least attempt to kill them all before we lose ourselves altogether. (lol) oh no! it's begun!

If we really want to start a war we should all go google...

"Robert Pattinson found dead with his penis inside a feral cat."

Make it one of the top google searches of the day and let the triumph of "Gotcha-suckers!" begin.

I think we should reanimate Joshua Jackson (RIP) and declare Robert Pattinson dead.

Allow me to take you back about 40 years to my early tweener years.

"FAR OUT! Donny Osmond is on the cover of Tigerbeat. I love his purple socks. Mom! Can I have purple socks? He is sooooo dreamy, he almost makes me forget Bobby Sherman." (The previous sentence was written in a purple magic marker in a Peter Max font.)

I grew out of it.
This is why I won't get a tattoo.
My tastes change quite often.

And Julie....I didn't soil your image of Brandis. He did that for you. Right in his pants. Immediately after turning himself into a ceiling fan chain.

Touché , Pissboy. Touché.

I'm pretty sure the thought of a Pajiban having the final say on all human reproduction just kept me from slitting my wrists. Thanks Fi, er Eugenics Girl

we MUST fire the murdertank and at least attempt to kill them all before we lose ourselves altogether. (lol) oh no! it's begun!

And people scoffed at me when I viewed 28 Days Later as a sort of training video.

"Look, if someone gets infected you've got between ten and twenty seconds to kill them. It might be your brother or your sister or your oldest friend. It makes no difference. And just so you know where you stand, if it happens to you, I'll do it in a heartbeat."

I understand being kind of obsessed over a movie and a character, but for me that was The Princess Bride and Westley. Actually Cary Elwes in general was my obsession. My parents probably thought I was crazy- I watched the VHS tape of The Princess Bride so many times that I wore it out. I owned a copy of the book. And the Script. I found out that Cary Elwes lived in the same town as my aunt, and entertained fantasies of joining the Girls Scouts just so I could go door to door selling cookies in his neighborhood...

In my defense, The Princess Bride rocks, and Cary Elwes was epically hot. I don't truly know how bad the Twilight series is because I haven't read the books or watched the movies, but I respect the opions of the 'jibans, who are pretty much in agreement as to the low quality of the whole venture.

One problem with the obsession over these idealized men is the high expectations of love and romance that these girls are left with. Westley ruined me for real men, and I have yet to find one that could fuel my fire as hot as he could. These girls may be in for a disappointment when they grow up and find out that Edward Cullen just doesn't exist, but I don't think that it will be any worse than all of the other disappointments they'll have to face when life doesn't turn out the way that it does in the movies. That's just life.

I second BSlim's motion regarding Eugenics girl.

You're a pig, BSlim. How could you forget about the women with big round asses?

choose your words carefully BSlim, massive does not always equal hot, have you ever seen a biggest loser weigh-in? (not that I watch, I've..uh..heard)

So I know you don't want to make fun of them, but it would be really entertaining for us if you did a weekly-recap of the "best" site-hater comments left in the past couple of weeks.

There is hope for the teen set. I know quite a few young women who find the Twilight obsession distasteful, though other paranormal fiction appeals to them. It's not the subject that turned them off, it's the really, really bad writing and the creepy stalker boyfriend who REFUSES to have sex. Strangely, they seem to prefer reading about monsters who might want to consume them. Go figure.

THOSE GAY TWINS ON ROADSHOW ARE HOT! THOSE GAY TWINS ON ROADSHOW aRE HOT!

Posted by: Miranda at October 16, 2009 3:00 PM

I KNOW!
My Ex and I used to play 'Leslie or Leigh?' when we watched (read: I made him watch) AR. I was ALWAYS right.
I'd let the Keno boys turn me over and inspect my dovetail anytime.

Wait, why don't we want to make fun of them? These people should be ostracized, marginalized, and pulverized by society at large. It's one thing to be accepting of people's differences, but it's something else entirely to legitimize rank and file stupidity. These people should be ashamed and I can't get behind anything that makes them feel otherwise.

[big sigh] So many comment-y things went through my head whilst reading this.
One thought / rant burns brightest though.
The Mo-Fo style of "writing" of text/chat/twiddle/wtf-ing that one sees
EVERYWHERE these days! Does this yak-yak have an actual name?! Above and beyond the gushing and grammer. I truly hate that people use this for attempting
to communcate with each other. Civalization seems to be crashing down on us.
SEE how much this angers me? I'm stumbling and fumbling in how to even
properly *craft* this comment. Argh.

Oh... dear. Please tell me the majority of teenage girls don't actually speak or write like this. Please?

But seriously, these particular comments seem to be written by people who have been FAILED by the educational system. And if they're obsessed with the Twilight books? Well, at least they're reading. And maybe their love of these books will lead them to other books and that will lead to an understanding of the English language?

Hey, a girl can hope.

I only have one thing to say to any and all Sparkletards (my pet name for the people exhibited in this article):

Avada kedavra, motherfuckers.

Much like the fans of Jhonen Vasquez, I make it a point not to poke the Twilight crazies. This cannot possibly end well.

Then again, we might be safe here. Dustin did, after all, just quote their messages on Twilight, not invoke the wrath of the fans himself. I mean, it's not like they go googling their own comments on the series, right?

Oh dear God. They do, don't they?

I smell glitter. I'm frightened.

Two Words:

Twilight Tattoos.

http://www.bellasugar.com/3023140

(there are SIXTY of them in that gallery!)

oops...Jhonen Vasquez...um...is liking Invader Zim a "them" thing and not an "us" thing up in heeyah?

laredo, I myself am a fan of all things Vasquez, from the original printings of Johnny to I Feel Sick, Squee, and Invader Zim. His work is not the problem.

The problem is many of the fans take it a bit too...seriously? I've gotten in hot water before for saying something tepid about a Noodleboy in the past. Not even bad: tepid. They are far more dangerous than the Twi-tards, if you will, because they understand exaggerated violence and the power of screaming. Oh, the caps-locked messages I used to get on AOL after that message board comment...I can laugh now because there's no easy way to trace my current online usership to my original AOL. I think.

Could you imagined I read all this four books to know what happened for them.
I can honestly say that no, I can't 'imagined' that you read any four books, let alone the Twilight series.

DO NOT talk about edward. he can TAKE YOUR HEAD OFF.
No he won't. He is IMAGINARY. Take your meds.

Why do all of them seem to think that posting on Pajiba is a sure-fire way to get in touch with Stephenie Meyer? Chloe and her talking 'ant' really want an e-mail from her and decided this was the best place to get her attention. Talking ants can be so short-sighted.

OK, you have horrified me. Thanks so much. It's Friday, fuckers. More Frog on Motorcycle, less horror landscape of the tween apocalypse.

You know, when I was college professor for about two seconds, I just referred to my students as the generation of stupid. THEY wanted to be called Generation Y. Well, fuck them. Generation Stupid. Wait Stoopid. Matches their spelling.

Did anyone else get a Pennywise size chill up their spine at the number of people in the posts who were SUPRISED they had read anything. SUPRISED at their own BEHAVIOR? I have only been surprised at my own behavior when I can't remember what I did and someone has to remind me. That's how I slept with a drug-dealer's girlfriend once. Fuck vampires, that shit was scary.

dude I need to stop seeing sarcasm where there is none.
and dustin I'm aware you must have very little experience as a teenage girl but let me ensure about this. girls have ormonal ADD, in two years tops the majority of this girls that are so very serious about Twilight will be so damn ashamed about this crazed passion that will move to the other side of the globe just to be sure that no one knows there fanatical past. the ones that will stay on this path will probably end up with an husband who will beat the living crap out of them either killing them or letting them realize that Twilight lead them to a life of depression and bruises.
plus don't diss the Twilight saga, you'll eat your words when Polanski directs "Breaking Dawn".

Polanski directing a movie aimed at tweens... is there some bizarro world or level or dimension where that doesn't seem beyond the pale fucked up?

[irony]
Impotant MemoChat to Pajeebans: Twilite is dominate. If u thought of it, u b rich now. u s gellous. Get over self. R. Pattison kick ur ass everday just by showing abs.

kthxbye
[/irony]

"“...Arrested Development” would be in its seventh season, “CSI” never would’ve been popular enough to spawn two spin-offs, our multiplexes would be dominated zombie movies and, of course, fewer people in movies and television would wear clothes."
I want to live in this world.

Talking ants can be so short-sighted.

It's probably because thier so short.

"extreme bondage and a lesbian three-way."

Wait, is that wrong?

So long as everyone is of legal age, human, gives consent, and is having a good time? No, no it sure isn't. There's a sign up sheet on the wall, for those who are interested.

Ok, I apologize for my previous remark. If I'm going to kill the beast, I should be crushing dreams and insulting people on a comment by comment basis. Bear with me, people, I assure you it's worth it.

11. YOU are the reason book burnings take place.

10. To quote Ralph Fiennes' character from In Bruges, "YOU'RE an inanimate fucking object".

9. To quote David Caruso's stunning performance in the masterwork Session 9, "No, FUCK YOOOOU!"

8. As someone who has actually watched the movie (like the actual reviewers on Pajiba), it was indeed a pile of shit. Furthermore, Edward Cullen isn't hot, and that's not because I'm a heterosexual male. I can admit when a man is handsome. Ewan McGregor, Pierce Brosnan in a tux, even Gerard Butler...all handsome. Robert Pattinson is so far from beautiful, he'd be able to walk the length of the moon before found it. And even then, he wouldn't know what to do with it.

7. You "like him in how he treat Bella"? Does this also mean you "love him long time"? The next FailBoat is boarding in five minutes...be on it.

6. You DO know there's only four books in the series, right? I mean I'm not a fan, and I know that. Unless this is a witty comment on how Stephenie Meyer's writing is so interchangable that "The Twilight Saga" and "The Host" are indistinguishable from each other. Which I highly doubt it is.

5. You HAVE to be a spambot. Seriously, I haven't seen writing that bad since I read the first draft of Disaster Movie, and even THAT had punctuation.

4. I read the first book and saw the first movie. Funny thing is, I didn't hate either completely seeing as parts and aspects of it were mildly entertaining. But not entertaining enough to warrant the ad space/media coverage/panty wetting these books seem to have behind them. Not even nearly enough. Try trimming the first book by 300 pages, making Bella and Edward side characters, and do a whole historical storyline with the Carlyle Clan and you'd have a halfway decent book. However, it wouldn't be written by Stephenie Meyer, so I guess we're back to zero sum, aren't we?

3. "all girls go throu the depressed thing in high school over a guy!" Where do I begin? First, learn to spell. Second, not all girls are depressed over guys in high school. I've known girls during my tenure in high school that managed to be cheery and focus on their studies while not being with a guy. Hell, I know a college girl who loves the Twilight books, but isn't mopey because she's single. In fact, she choses to be. And again with the "read the book" argument? Honey, it's not working. I'll still read the series out of morbid curiousity, but all it's going to do is make me more sharpened in my criticism and responce, which will block all of your arguments and send you crying into the next room after I've pwned you. (If you can say "y'all", I can say "pwned".)

2. Hihi hihi (say that five times fast). Ok, I'll give you your opinion on the book. You managed not to offend anyone or sound like an idiot. However, you fail in the latter once you get to the part about Edward. He can't take my head off...he's fake. Nonexistent. As real as the imagination. If anything, I could set him and all his little friends on fire four times over (five if you count the DVD of Twilight). So, I believe I'm the one Edward shouldn't be messing with.

1. Get bored of READING?! How could anyone get bored of reading?! Oh right...when reading Twilight! If you're bored of reading, don't try to defend a book series.

P.S. Please think about the cool idea of cancelling your Internet. It is of no good use in your hands, and besides...it requires reading.

SHIT! People are stupid. Bring on the Apes.

Ah the minority. I consider my brow sometimes lower than the mean in here but wow does the bottom drop out quickly below that. The Twilight books and movie as part of an ongoing study of popular horror were tolerable and occasionally engaging, but the language and thinking of shitty movie apologists is an even more fascinating subject. The acme of their discourse is the phrase "you have to enjoy it for what it is": as if knowing that you're eating a catshit sandwich will make it taste great. In any of its forms, "it is what it is" is the white flag of discussion. It's about 1/8" up the brain stem from "goo goo gah gah". I'm actually telling people now to just go ahead and shit their pants and suck their thumbs if they pull out "IIWII". It hasn't been well received, but I know I'm being greedy wanting people stupid enough to say such things to be smart enough to enjoy being eviscerated for it.

Yeah, it is what is, and that's what we've been discussing, you touchhole. In addition to seeing them, I also want to care about my robots, dinosaurs, monsters, spaceships, etc. and I had the silly and currently unfounded optimism to think that it was possible for more than a handful of people to imagine the relatively simple fusion of spectacle and substance, the vast gulf of daylight between moronic blockbusters and arid dramas. Why is the tippy top of that bell curve so damned slippery? Apparently it's easier to hold $11M at that point of unstable equilibrium than $120M. I know why, but it still seems odd.

Having said that, the level of discourse at which these tweens (I hope) are operating is pure entertainment.

I dread what the post twilight society comes up with a la the unmentionable human larval stage butterfly.

Talking ants can be so short-sighted.

It's probably because thier so short.

That made me snortle.

I thought about posting a comment, and then I saw that 400,000 other comments had been posted, all of which have likely expressed my exact emotions (yes, I've been frequenting this site that long).

Christ! What's with all the Edward wet dreams?? Jacob is way hotter, and oh sooo dreamy. popewatchnow.wordpress.com featured some ridiculously gorgeous pictures of him the other day.

First, in the interest of full disclosure, I have read the books. No, I didn't spend any money on them, I borrowed them from a friend who GUSHED, and they terrified me. A boy watching me sleep for months without my knowledge would not be romantic, it's fucking creepy. And the 4th one with the whole "sex almost kills her, then her unborn child almost kills her some more" was just wrong. No complaints about rough sex and some bruising, but really? Should teenage girls WANT their first time to be like that? And then be knocked up with a succubus?

But what really scares me is that GROWN ASS MEN, in suits, wearing wedding rings, read this on the subway.

Also, there's something called TwiCon. And it's coming to Toronto next year.

I'm moving to another planet. Fuck this shit, I'm not haveing those fucktards in charge of my pension.

What the fuck? I'm supposed to reproduce with these people? These Twilight defenders are so retarded that there spell checker obviously committed suicide to get away from reading that shit.

If eugenics girl doesn't show up soon, I'm going to have to pull an Eli Roth, and remove there ovaries for the same of mankind.

I read all 4 of those horrible things for YOU, Rowles. You and Phillip. It had fuck all to do with morbid curiosity.

Fucking Stephanie Mayer. Fucking hate her.

Ahem. Anyway.

I sincerely hope that at least half of those are trolls. I mean, they have to be, right? RIGHT???

But Dustin, it's not Twilight that's turning these kids' brains to mush. I was in high school not that long ago, before Twilight, and there were just as many stupid people then as there seem to be today. If it wasn't some dumb book, it would be some dumb movie or some dumb band. The dumbasses are there for the taking. They're just louder because of them there internets.

are so retarded that there spell checker obviously committed suicide ...
... and remove there ovaries for the same of mankind.

Posted by: George at October 16, 2009 4:58 PM

George, why do you make this so easy?

Did these people ever go to school?

Oh, laredo, I love you and I hate you at the same time, and both the love and the hate are for this shining vision...of what will never be.

*sob*

Allow me to express how much I fear the Twilight books and the havok they would wreak upon my psyche:

I intend to blog a personal threat to keep me in line and finishing NaNoWriMo this year: If I do not complete 50,000 words, I will read and review all four Twilight books in December. The thought alone has left me in a cold sweat in the middle of the night, woken up by my concerned dog who himself was woken by my screams of terror. These are worse than my Tyra Banks "Don't Eat Meeee!!!!" nightmares, but not quite as bad as my Sandra Lee "Don't Feed Meeee!!!!" nightmares.

I'm way too late to this thread, but I just wanted to check in with the observation that Antiques Roadshow makes for a right passable "Price Is Right"-style drinking game.

Which I played once, about a dozen years ago -- so maybe it's not all that great. But it sure did kill the time that one afternoon....

lol that was really cute. those comments were so much more entertaining than the movie, and I'm sure the book though I don't have the stomach to read it.

Aww that was cutttteee! Those girls have to be like 9. I hope. If not, not so cute.

"Stop fantasizing about fictional characters and the actors who play them"
I'm going to have to stop you right there, Patricia.
Plenty of Mal-related fantasies would be killed if we were to follow your suggestion. I think perhaps you meant to say, "Stop fantasizing about fictional characters and the actors who play them, unless they happen to be Fillion or #10 [or Capt Jack]"...

... fantasizing about an undead teenage boy who is just this side of a wife beater is wrong.

Man, I one day went to the movies to see some movie, I don't know which was but I'm sure it was a good movie because I watch good movies you know! So anyway there was a bunch of fat white chicks wearing black clothes and like ohhh it's the witch day I thought, what the hell was that?? And then I found out there was some kind of Twilight fan meeting going on there... man, that was disapointing! When I thought about these chick stuff, like oh chicks love Twilight, I thought about cute chicks who were lonely and loved reading but not these fat ugly white chicks!!! So there you see those fat ugly white chicks!

Newsflesh: the vampire boy asked me to tell you girls that the girl he is banging there in the books is not a fat ugly white chick, so if you came across your vampire prince charming he will probably not fuck you, he will go and fuck some pretty skinny girls! That's what Twilight is about, fat ugly white chicks NOT getting banged by hot vampire boy.

My entire state is stupider for my having read those, and I live in West Virginia, so that's HARD.

Stella, OK, I'll grant you that. My fantasy days aren't entirely over yet. But undead teensies? Yuck.

And people wonder why I'm a cynic. Personally I would like to pencil those ten people in for an immediate visit from the Angel of Death.

I'm not kidding. They can choke on a tailpipe, strangle themselves with their underwear, hang from a yardarm, blow their brains out, and jump off a fucking bridge.

Dustin, this is further proof of one fact: We are so FUCKED for the future. Weep now brothers and sisters of the Godtopus. Weep now.

All right, who the hell made it through the entire list? I had to stop.

Oh calm down. Twilight is nothing more than fluffy pink brain porn for teen girls who get off on male dominance, glitter and lots and lots of khaki pants. There will always be another Donny Osmond or Backstreet Boy or Edward Anthony (snort) Cullen, and yet the world keeps spinning. They'll grow out of it.

Help me Dustin!

So I am interviewing for a job, and the interviewer and his wife are both friends. The wife has told me I MUST READ TWILIGHT OMG IT IS SO GOOD. I would have ignored this except that she took my book suggestion "Sunshine" and she read it and loved it to pieces. She asked me how Twilight is coming along...

So I would like a job. Anything I can do to make it more possible is better.

I bought twilight. It is sitting in my house. So far I have pulled it out to giggle at out of context quotes.

I know I am going to have to read it but I am scared Dustin. What if it hurts me? What if it makes me un-pajiba-like. What if this woman is right, what if it is actually good.

Is it possible to read Twilight and not be permanently damaged?

What do you think?

...oops. Forgot to finish. Maybe I killed more than I thought.

Anyway, go ahead and read them if it will help you get a job. You can talk about them (practice keeping a straight face in the mirror) and laughing at her silently, on the inside. You'll be just fine.

Wy is the standard for gothic trash literature so low these days? In MY day we read
V.C. Andrews. And that lead to Bronte. Which somehow lead to Austen. Reading trash
doesn't have to fry your brain.

I blame the WB for this.

OK...I drank the koolaid last year. I liked the series. They were a fun read for a little ol' housewife. Plus I had a tween reading them too. (But she reads faster than me the little smartypants). They really do stir an emotion, I don't really know what it is and if I had never felt it before like all of these little virginy shits with the comments, I might have been the same.

But really, what's the big difference between this and your fanboy shit? I mean really? Was Batman literary genius? Somehow, I don't think so. It's just comic books for girls, get over it.

Stella> I have a theory that the only adult women who are obsessed with Twilight are the ones who peaked in High School. Of course they love the idea of being young and having the 'hot' guy forever - those were the best years of their life (and, possibly, the years their brains stopped maturing).

That said, I don't know many obsessive adult Twilight fans. The only one is someone I'm not too sure of at the moment - she set her sights on my (still emotionally/relationship napalmed) best mate, and started using me to get to him. Ironically, he thought she was a nice person and all, until, well, I'll quote him: 'She spent all night talking about some werewolf and some vampire and how they're so hot. Freaked the fuck out of me. Why the fuck is she so obsessed with these guys when they're not real?'

Would it be bitchy for me to tell her Twilight killed her chances?

cum on who doesnt lyk a topless lad

my favorite typo. when i was first reading this I read it as cum on...a topless lad.

*sobs*

I SOOOO want to live in laredo's fantasy world.....

Sweet jesus, I weep for the future.

I realise it should be phenomena not phenomenons and jack/jilling to, not over, but I'm too cool to proof-read before pressing 'Post comment'.

Would it be bitchy for me to tell her Twilight killed her chances?

Yes. It would. Tell her. Tell her in detail. Quote your friend's remarks word for word if you can remember them. If you can't, make stuff up.

Here is the link for Dacre Stoker's "Dracula."

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20091017/ennew_afp/entertainmentbookdraculafrance_20091017101719

My favorite t-shirt:

...And then Buffy staked Edward. The End.

?!

You're so adik kasi.

That's the second time I've seen this. WHAT does it MEAN!?

Oh verms....you always get so sensitive when someone brings up the comic books.

I haven't read these books, but now that I think back to my teen years, I think I 'get it.'

When I was but a horny 16 year old I had a friend who was very goth, in the 'not trying to be goth' kind of way. He was tall, slender, pale, blonde, and very very dark and twisted. He used to enjoy vamping out a bit, and I Loooooooved it when he would swoop in and bite my neck. {shivers}
This was before even Bram Stokers Dracula movie or Interview with a Vampire came out, so the vampire thing wasn't really en vouge. But,
It.
Was.
HOT!

He works in a Tech support cube farm now, and has never really recovered from all the acid he took in the 90's. Not so hot.

"Robert Pattinson found dead with his penis inside a feral cat."
Posted by: PissBoy

*ahem*
This is pretty much a part of the saturday night sexcapade I had planned for him, so it wouldn't be that far off-base to start this rumour. If anything, it should come true within the next year or so.

?!

You're so adik kasi.

That's the second time I've seen this. WHAT does it MEAN!?

One can only guess. I'm sure anyone who can competently translate Courtney Love can figure it out.

I like him in how he treat Bella

Oh, dear God.

"You READ it, you didn't just like, fall asleep and dream a good book?"

That is a great line. I like your friend.

twilight...is stupid. i sat at the theatre and watched it....hated it. i wasted a few hours in there.

what i dont get is how people get all riled up when you start dissing twilight.....

now you fuckers know how it feels because i could remember at one point when cats used to diss star wars......

I think my favourite part of those comments is when it seems like the people typing them actually think they're addressing someone involved with the books/films.

Hi.
I arrived via vaguely-related Google search, just like you said.

The real problems with Twilight are what it says about personal responsibility, abdication of the self, the definition of love, and how relationships work. There is such a thing as an unhealthy fantasy... a fantasy that could hurt the way one looks at the world. That's Twilight in the hands of a thirteen-year-old.

Most will recover. Some will not.

The other, far less serious fear I have (which I think you were getting at), is that Hollywood is going to begin to think that Twilight is the kind of fantasy and science fiction we want.

I mean, I'm not asking for Hollywood to start making "Let the Right One In"s, but every step towards "Vampires? Oh, like Twilight?" is a terrible step.

All the best,
d

Okay I haven't read these books, and have no intention of doing so. Most of my information comes from unreliable sources but I have a major plot hole question to ask.

So the "vampires" in this universe do not die in sunlight, they just turn into glittery fruits. Crosses, garlic, silver, and holy water don't do anything- and the only way to kill one is for a hoard of other vampires to gang up on one with their own super strength, draw & quarter and behead him, AND THEN cremate the parts to ash. So... just why are vampires as a collective whole still living in secret? It would seem with no real weaknesses they should be swarming the entire planet and gobbling people up at all hours like a world-wide Sizzler, not eternally repeating high school. The thing about vampire lore (or any other monster) was that they always had some kind of weakness to potentially exploit. Now it seems not only could they kill and eat you, or make you into one of their own, but apparently they're also capable of turning girls of all ages into horny, drooling illiterates. I think I'd rather just be sucked of my blood.

I think I'll go drown my sorrows with some nachos and a viewing of John Carpenter's Vampires, because if I'm going to be subjected to a shitty vampire movie, I still want to be entertained. Besides, James Woods telling a bloodsucker to fuck off is still infinitely cooler than all the glitter posing Robbert Pattison will do.

Pissboy,
I googled 'adik kasi', and apparently it's Filipino. I didn't find a translation, but above, caragwapa says it means addicted.

So yeah, I used to make out with Spike.
How cool was I?

Actually, I was thinking about him as I was reading the comments, even before I saw yours. Spike also had a big following mostly comprising women/girls of all ages. (And he was an abusive boyfriend to Buffy, too, so may have appealed to some for the 'wrong' reasons). I know some of the 'Buffy' message boards were best avoided by those who didn't wish their brains to melt and run out their ears, because if you changed the names, the Twitards' comments would have fitted right in. Morons are not an endangered species, there's plenty to go around. But at least Spike was authentically cool, well-written, and well-acted. Plus, no fucking poofy sparklies.

As for Twilight, I read the books, and honestly don't see why people loved them. I read them all because I don't give up easily (I'm still watching Grey's Anatomy and Heroes), but in the end, I have to admit I just don't get it. The plot never really engaged me - perhaps because for me, bad writing leaps out of the page and kicks my suspension of disbelief in the nads - and the characters were either dull, or annoying, or both. The 'message' behind Edward and Bella's interactions seemed suspect. And the last book, with the bruises and the Alien-stylee baby, was downright disturbing. Take out the supposed 'romance' stuff, and the plot would be horror movie fodder for sure. So, file me under 'WTF?' on this one.

For the same reason I read The Da Vinci Code, I decided I must read the Twilight series. No, not for the intellectual stimulation, but rather to find out what all the stupid fuss is about.

I have read the first three and getting stuck into the fourth. Yes, the plot tends to suck you in a little. Yes, I do want to find out what happens at the end. But the god-awful writing style is just about killing me. Take the first book for example - "the town of Forks is green". Lots of green stuff. The trees are green, the grass is green, the forests are green. Got it? Now I'm going to bore you with the paragraph after paragraph of adjectives just in case you missed the first time that the place is green. A couple of chapters later I'll do it all over again.

Ditto "Edward is a beautiful specimen of a man", "Mike is sorta nice, but a bit annoying", "the Cullens drive cool cars" and "I cook dinner every night for Charlie".

The repetition is nauseating. At least half the book could have been deleted and summarised by what I've written above. I think this might be the inane reason so many teenagers have for reading this book - the constant flow of adjectives leaves no "scope for imagination", as Anne Shirley would say. It's like watching a movie, where every rock, every house, every person is described in so much detail your imagination couldn't run away with you if it tried. These kids whose mental creativity has been so dulled by technology must feel like they can read the series (even if they are thick books) without being stretched or made to think too much.

This same thing that brings brainless teenage girls running is what annoys me so much. The books would be tolerable if they were written with a little - OK, a lot - less flowery language and repetition.

jontv makes a valid point. We are a consumer-based culture. For the last 80 some years, our grandparents, parents, us, and in some cases our children, have been fed a steady diet of advertising with psychological tools used to create a desired response: in this case, the desire for things without the conscious mind formulating an objection.

I'm not immune to it. You're not immune to it. None of us are immune to it.

Dustin, beating your head against the wall over the stupidity of the majority of people is only going to result in one thing: severe head trauma for you. If people want to read shitty novels about really creepy one-dimensional characters (and watch movies about said characters) then let them. In all fairness, I can't give the average Twilight fan too much shit because I'm a fan of some of the Harry Potter novels.

Heather, I squeed when I read "scope for imagination". Anne Shirley was my idol growing up. Part of what I find so sad about the Bella character is how repressed she is - Ann Shirley, a character written 100 years ago has more wit, intelligence and LIFE to her than a character written in this day and age. Disappointing doesn't even begin to cover it.

Is it possible for the internet to actually suck IQ points through my screen? It surely feels like it after reading the Twilight comments. There are some films I like, Blair Witch for example, that very few others like and often lambaste. I don't go all Chuck Norris on them with a nigh-apocalyptic spelling and grammar fit on their website, however.

And no, I did not like the Twilight movie, though my wife loves the books and movie so much I actually bought her the movie for her birthday. At least she is old enough that she does not slobber on herself when she watches the film.

I have started going to my local library to check out older authors since I find the level of writing and editing currently terrible. Spelling errors in a Times best selling book? Deplorable. I can handle some tortured grammar as that can lend a certain feel if done intentionally. I like Stephen King and love Lovecraft, both of which have some dense prose. Or you could check out Cherryh's Foreigner series of books, though I doubt most people would enjoy it.

Well, I certainly went way into left field here. Go Phillies!

Fun post, keep up the good work.

By the way, I got used to the HTML tagging, so here we go.

These Twilight defenders are so retarded that there spell checker obviously committed suicide to get away from reading that shit.

Are you a stand-up comedian? Seriously. That is funnier than hearing Bob Levy curse or misspell every 10 seconds.

I'm not a fan of Twilight at all and I really wish Buffy was still around to slay this creepy ass vampire. But instead of writing a novel about how much I despise this fandom, I'll just say this: Twilight fans, I'm all for defending your fandom. I would do the same for Harry Potter and everything else I like. But at least use proper spelling and grammar. Seriously there is a difference between "your" and "you're." And people will probably take you more seriously if you do. Just saying.

I don't think the first book is too bad, it all goes down hill from there though. The two films that have come out are just good fun.

I hear what you're saying, those comments are a very poor reflection on teenage girls, please don't think that we're all like that.

I think you should have included haters of twilight in your post too, they can be just as bad as fan-girls in expressing their opinions.

"Now, I like to read TRMs (trashy romance novels) as much as the next girl, however, I like my heroines to be self sufficient and only mildly irritating. But let me just say that if Hubs ever spoke to me the way the Sparkly Boy Wonder did to Nitwit-gal, he'd get re-acquainted real quick with my left hook." By Stella.

You, Stella, are my favorite person in the whole wide world.

i fucking hate twilight.