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Heartburn and Heartache: When A Chili Cook Off Becomes an All Out War

By Bekka Supp | Food Porn | February 14, 2017 | Comments ()

By Bekka Supp | Food Porn | February 14, 2017 |


2011-10-03-chili-cook-off-586x322w.jpg

The Overlords have a special group where we talk about specific post ideas. Generally, they’re short little blurbs with a lot of barbing back and forth, but today, shit got real. It all started off with a Moby Facebook Post:

And thus, the weirdest hills to die on were formed.

Seth Freilich

(In regards to Moby)I mean, none of that is really new or surprising and, without any validation of who his “friends” are that allow him to “safely” say, I don’t really think it warrants coverage. Like, yeah, he’s famous, but if he was a Twitter nobody saying this, would we give it any import? This is the kind of rabbit hole I fear we start falling down. We cite shit like this and, this isn’t the perfect example, but you cite something someone says and then it’s not totally true or there’s some crack, and then they come out with saying, “you gotta throw the whole baby out with the bathwater”, and it plays right into their fucking bullshit game. If that makes any sense. I’m tired and weirdly cranky this morning.

Bekka Supp

It’s easier to take bad news while you’re listening to the silky smooth sounds of trip hop. I get it. Probably all the chili.

Dustin Rowles

GRUMPUS.

Seth Freilich

Chili has never made me tired or cranky. YOU TAKE THAT BACK. Sincerely, Grumpus.

Dustin Rowles

It’s because you don’t put beans in it, and therefore, it’s not really chili. It’s just meat sauce.

Seth Freilich

FALSE. You have NO IDEA how much the beans/no beans debate has raged between a small circle of my friends.

Dustin Rowles

Chili without beans is basically bolognese. NO ONE DENIES THIS.

Seth Freilich

I DENY THIS. Texas Chili is no beans chili and the only real chili. Chili is about meat and spices and beans are filler taking the place of where you could have MORE MEAT. Who doesn’t want more meat? Communists. Bean chili is fucking communist chili. You’re playing right into Donny Trash’s little hands.




Bekka Supp

Whatever. As long as there isn’t onions in it…

Dustin Rowles

What? I HATE onions, and still, I recognize their necessity to chili.

Victoria McNally

No-bean, yes-onion over here.

Seth Freilich

YES, WELCOME TO PAJIBA, VICTORIA. YOU CAN STAY FOREVER.

Dustin Rowles

The most important ingredient for chili, of course, is mustard.

Bekka Supp

LMAO! Oh wait, you’re serious?

Seth Freilich

On this, we agree, Dustin.

Victoria McNally

Sorry, wait. You lost me with mustard.

Seth Freilich

I learned that from you, Dustin. In fact, mustard in shitty Hormel makes it almost edible.

Victoria McNally

Is this a hot dog joke?

Genevieve Burgess

Now they’re baiting TK, I think.

Seth Freilich

Nah, he’s right. It’s an amazing secret ingredient.

Dustin Rowles

It is not, but if you like mustard on your chili dog, try mustard in your chili. It is amazing!

Genevieve Burgess

Or maybe they’re baiting Lainey. I never remember who has the mustard thing.

Victoria McNally

Hormel is pretty terrible but it IS good in Velveeta-based slow cooker queso. You need Rotel in there too I think

Dustin Rowles

Are you from the South, too, Victoria?

Seth Freilich

YES, WELCOME TO PAJIBA, VICTORIA. YOU CAN STAY FOREVER.

Victoria McNally

I don’t remember the whole recipe but it is delightful.

Bekka Supp

I thought for sure Dustin was talking out of his ass. Like “oh yeaaaaaaah, the secret ingredient is marshmallow fluff.”

TK

You’re all garbage people. Seth is a monster. Onions are for heroes. Victoria is fucking fired.

Victoria McNally

I’m from Jersey! I just hate beans. But my boyfriend’s mom is from Texas so he has OPINIONS about chili.

Seth Freilich

YOUR BOYFRIEND’S OPINIONS ARE CORRECT.

Genevieve Burgess

Rotel is my secret to five minute guacamole. Can of Rotel, two avocados, extra garlic, you’re in business.

Dustin Rowles

Velveeta/Rotel is a Southern mainstay

Bekka Supp

As long as we can agree that black eyed peas made with Dr. Pepper are the fucking best, we’re good here.

Dustin Rowles

GTFO.

Bekka Supp

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA NO REGRATS.

Victoria McNally

I’ve never even HEARD of that one.

Bekka Supp

I’m the resident “wrong about everything almost as much as Emily, but not fired as often by TK.”

Dustin Rowles

Also, in that slow cooker with the Rotel and Velveeta, add a dash of cinnamon. IT WILL CHANGE YOUR WORLD.

TK

To be perfectly honest, chili is whatever you want it to be. That’s the magic. With beans is great! Without is… weird but ok. I’ve made it both ways. I’ve made it with chicken or sausage or chorizo or meatless. With sweet potatoes. That’s what makes it such a terrific food.

Bekka Supp

TK: The pureness of this comment is so rare that I feel like I need to protect it.

Seth Freilich

Oh christ, I can’t even imagine what foolishness Emily and her wrongness would bring to all of this discussion. Goddamn it TK. I hate you, but on the morphing magic of chili, you’re not entirely wrong

Emily Chambers

Writer’s note, Emily was late to the conversation, but had some very strong opinions regardless.
Jesus, you people write a lot.
Re: Chili. It can, theoretically, be made of anything. But without the presences of beans, I consider it mostly spicy pasta sauce. Beans make you fart. I don’t know why you’d want to deprive yourself of that. Sweet potato chili with lots of charred bell pepper and onions is tits. Get your mustard bullshit outta my face. You’re mostly making barbecue. Also, #TeamTK forever, “Overlord? More like OverThrow, amirite?” #Seth2020.

TK

I try not to judge too much when it comes to food, but in all seriousness Victoria is super fired because of the mustard thing.

Steven Wilson

Welcome to Pajiba, a pop culture website. Our Tech Support channel is pictures of kittens, our “Post is Up” section is dad jokes, and 75% of the activity is in the “Politics” channel. It’s mostly about chili.



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