Eloquent Eloquence: Surprisingly Synchronized Disease-Ridden Whores Edition

By Mrs. Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | December 28, 2012 | Comments ()


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Eloquent Eloquence, Surprisingly Synchronized Disease-Ridden Whores edition, is a compilation of the best comments of the week. Comments in non-Dustin reviews, the Caption Contest, are not eligible for inclusion.

There is a link in the commenter's name that will take you to the original post.

Did you miss this? it's lovely.


The Had to Be Said, Had to Be Repeated, Although I Can't Guarantee Anyone Will Read This Comment of the Week goes to eeeeee:

Sure, there are scores and scores of talented artists and technicians involved in Gollum's creation, but the reason that poor, creepy creature is so memorable is because Serkis makes him so.

As an animator, nothing pushes my berserker-rage button more than stuff like this. Yes, Serkis is very good at what he does. I'm not dismissing his amazing performance. However. deep breath. Can you begin to comprehend the hours upon eons of labor put into transforming guy into Gollum? There must literally actually be millions of pieces that make up that CGI creature you flippantly dismiss as the product of a bunch of people, interchangeable with the hacks that made the plush-puppies on Twilight (which also probably took a bunch of really talented people FOREVER TO MAKE). Voice actors and actual actors add a lot to a CGI performance but it is not just that one person that makes a character believable or human. I realize this is probably not the time or place to spew, but bitch, please. It would've been so easy for them to screw up, and it was infinitely difficult to get right. Mostly not thanks to Serkis. Who is great, so don't even.

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The "Scathing and Bitchy" Are Gone, But Not Forgotten Comment of the Week goes to DerBingle for some pique, and an awesome Pajibanym:

"Jingle Bell Rock, The Brian Setzer Orchestra"? Really? Ye gods, I'll take one of the worst over this one. Overhyped overkill by a smug band in love with itself. The fat douche's breakdown in the middle is the most annoying thing ever. It just feels so ""Cuz you guys all recognize me and just can't wait for some of my partytime douchebag antics, right?" from a nobody.

Sorry. I really hate the Brian Setzer Orchestra. Nice list otherwise!

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The Oh, Sweetie! Comment of the Week goes to cinekat whose prize is that vat of ice cream and a group hug.

Oh, how about meeting your seemingly unattainable crush again 10-20 years later and finding out he felt exactly the same way about you? And being (once again) so flustered you fail to act the second time round too? No? Just me then.

The Comment of the Week Comment of the Week goes to Micheal Bay's Penis because, seriously, this never gets old:

I'll get out of the corner on April 26, 2013 and line Bay's pockets with more money for penis cream or whatever he buys

The Master does not purchase "penis cream" or anything else to enlarge me. As I've said before, he finds me entirely adequate for his goal of "banging actresses and models." Thank you for listening.

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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • kirbyjay

    What happened to the caption contest?

  • Micheal Bay's Penis

    Perhaps I spoke too quickly, as this "Low T" product looks quite intriguing. After all, if I can increase my girth without unnecessary histrionics, perhaps I will enhance the Master's pleasure. And if the poppets he defiles are happier for it, so much the better. I must make haste and order this product as soon as he lets me at the computer keyboard.

  • Belphebe

    the best part of the column is the blogad for LowT spa testosterone treatment immediately following the comment from Michael Bay's Penis. It changes the tone from an organ confident with it's performance to a desperate denial by a flaccid has-been. Poor little fella, aging is tough.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I chose it for exactly that reason + muscles!

  • ,

    What is this "Caption Contest" of which you speak?

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