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Eloquent Eloquence: Awesome Facial Concoctions Edition

By Mrs. Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | February 22, 2013 | Comments ()


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Eloquent Eloquence, Awesome Facial Concoctions Edition, is a compilation of the best comments of the week. Comments in non-Dustin reviews are ineligible for inclusion, but you knew that already didn't you and now you're just checking for the use of dead languages in the introductory blurb. Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

I was thisclose to "Shaving a Yak Edition".

There is a link in the commenter's name that will take you to the original post.

Pajibans proved their humanity exists; then it shriveled in the sunlight and crept back into hiding. And then it crawled out again.

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Were it not for the vagaries of the rules of inclusion, a full 40% of this week's entries would have come the comments on TK's review of Safe Haven.

The You Are Not Alone Comment of the Week goes to Rochelle for choosing helping us to understand, even just a little bit, how she feels :

My brain is held together with anti-depressants and lifestyle choices. The anti-depressants are the pharmaceutical equivalent of duct tape: ugly and requiring constant reapplication, but better than nothing. The positive chemistry encouraged by the drugs can be overwhelmed by too much stress, too many rainy days, too many cookies, or an average monthly hormone fluctuation. When the brain chemistry gets out of whack good choices start to seem like too much effort and bad choices start to seem reasonable.

I'm always hoping some one will come up with a better treatment. Sometimes staying sane takes all the energy I have, but the alternative is misery.

I don't know Mindy McReady, so I don't know how hard she worked at being sane and sober. I do know that she would have been especially vulnerable to suicidal thoughts given the stress she was under - her body was still adjusting to having given birth, she had had her baby taken away (a move I support, but still stressful), and she was under suspicion in the death of her boyfriend. It would take a lot of strength and a big dose of luck to get through that alive.

The Walrus ALWAYS Brings It Home Comment of the Week goes to Sherry who wasn't speaking euphemistically, strangely enough:

I was going to say that the UT Harlem Shake wins because of the nice men in Speedos but the walrus brought it home for Sea World. (And let's just add that sentence to my list of "Words I Would Never Have Expected To String Together.")

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The My Version of This Story Involves The Thing Comment of the Week goes to Maev whose version of this story involves Alien, to wit:

Alien. Dear god in his comfortable heaven, Alien.

The backstory is that when I was twelve years old, a school trip to England was cancelled due to high winds making it impossible for ferries to leave Dublin port. Cue 29 extremely disgruntled twelve year olds wailing about how now they had to do maths. Our teacher couldn't stand it, and decided to let us watch a video.

He only had two videos with him - Aliens and Stand By Me, and because Stand By Me included swearing (or something, I never knew what exactly), it was decided that we should watch Aliens instead.

So I had to watch Aliens in a room full of feral twelve year olds, all of whom seemed to have watched unending numbers of horror films and were watching everyone else for the smallest crack in composure. My parents had never let me watch any horror films (except Jaws, maybe?), and I was quite severely bullied in primary school, meaning I couldn't let my fear show for an instant. But I was fucking petrified.

Years later, one of my lecturers mentioned Alien as a great modern horror film, and one we should watch for reasons (it had something to do with the comparable body horror in Frankenstein (the book) I think). So, I rented Alien, and sat down in parents' sitting room in the middle of the day (in summer) to watch it.

I made it about an hour in. Sometime after the emergence of the chestbuster my will broke, and I ran out of the room.

Only I had the video playing.

So I had to go back into the room, with my hands over my eyes, to switch the video off. I still get nightmares about that damn Alien even now.

The Who Wouldn't Be Willing to Have an Apocalypse to Get Perfect Pants? Comment of the Week goes to bewegung951 whose prize is a survivalist catalogue:

I want a pair of Emily Blunt's Sci-Fi utility pants. These pants, a perfect pairing of flattering and practical, are worn by every knowing lass of a dystopian time. They stretch where you need them to stretch, they reject blood stains, and they never rip in places inconvenient.

If the apocalypse happens, I think these pants will be suddenly available to me in every neutral color so that I may wear them while toting a futuristic (or classic, depending on the situation) weapon to kill zombies and defend my compound. Seeing that every able female is equipped with such attire in the historical documents of the future, I know this to be true.

My current searching has left me barren of these perfect pants. I may have to contact Gina Carano's stylist and get me a pair.

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The The Emu and Llamautner Were Lonely Comment of the Week goes to Nadineydoll Theowlfacedgirl. Plus Llamautner has worked with Robert Pattinson before.:

His eyes make me feel pretty sure he is half human, half hammer head shark.

The Potential for an Intimidatingly Large Ungulate Wielding Skate Blades Is Entirely Unexplored! Comment of the Week goes to Bert_McGurt:

What the hell else are we going to base a Canadian superhero on? We're almost out of wild animals, and Considerate MapleSyrupMan and his sidekick, The Igloo Kid aren't exactly the Dynamic f*cking Duo.

I mean, I guess we could try The Lumberjack. He's ok, but his alter ego is pretty controversial and his nighttime availability sucks.

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The Comment of the Week Comment of the Week goes to baxlala whose sentiments are entirely valid and shared by right-thinking people everywhere:

Persuasion makes me want to rip out my heart and stomp on it and then lovingly cradle it in my arms. I don't know what that means, exactly, SUCH IS MY LOVE OF PERSUASION.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Maguita NYC

    Congrats to all the Eloquents this week! A wacky creative bunch, to say the least.

    Thank you to Rochelle for making the fight for equilibrium when suffering from depression so obviously eloquent.

  • Mrs. Julien

    CRAP! I missed two in my editing process. I'll included them next week.

    No one is going to complain about the hammerhead photo? It creeps me the fu*k out I chose the damn thing. I hate sharks and whales and dark watery places, but hammerheads are on a whole other level. They look other worldly and they gather in schools at times. [shudder].

  • kirbyjay

    I've never seen a Hammerhead in the hallway, but whatever.... It's snakes for me, yet I can't look away

  • IHateDisqus

    Can I complain about pictures being included at all? Eloquence used to be about WORDS, goddammit!

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Hammerhead sharks are nothing. Have you ever seen a whale shark?

  • Uriah_Creep

    If you think those sharks are ugly, by all means do NOT google Goblin Shark.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    I have no problem with ugly. I have a problem with huge and looking like it's going to swallow me.

  • Maguita NYC

    F-CKING reverse psychology...

  • Mrs. Julien

    Don't google Greenland Shark either.

    Or open this:

  • Maguita NYC

    Pffft, you mean this gentle smiling rock of a simile-shark?

  • Mrs. Julien

    I've seen'em all. Know thine enemy.

  • emmelemm

    Thanks for shining the spotlight on these comments. Had a bad week, didn't read Pajiba thoroughly and missed some gems.

    Re: the Mindy McCready comment (and I didn't read that thread at all, might have to go back and do that)

    "When the brain chemistry gets out of whack good choices start to seem
    like too much effort and bad choices start to seem reasonable."

    As someone who has struggled with brain chemistry, that is perhaps the most eloquent summary of the problem I have heard.

  • baxlala

    I've never been Eloquent before! On Pajiba or in, like, life in general. Can I put this on my resume?

  • Mrs. Julien

    Yes, and be sure to add "I'm kind of a big deal" for clarification.

  • Sherry

    I'm an Eloquent! What do I win? [Mrs. Julien whispers.] Oh. Well, we'll always have walrus.

  • Nadine

    O'DOYLE RULES!
    Wait, I mean I RULE!

  • Luke Anthony Matthews

    The more I see of Anne Hathaway in interviews, the more I decide she annoys me.

  • $27019454

    Welcome to the dark side, Luke. We have cookies!

  • Bert_McGurt

    The Potential for an Intimidatingly Large Ungulate Wielding Skate Blades Is Entirely Unexplored!

    Stay tuned for the upcoming adventures of The Three Moose-skate-teers!

  • Mrs. Julien

    That was a shamelessly bad pun. TEN POINTS to Gryffindor!

    Today is a joyful noise unto Godtopus day as I can comment! I shall flail my verbal tentacles as loudly as possible.

  • Bert_McGurt

    And I'm heartily looking forward to it!

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