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Mutant Dinklage is the Best Kind: Peter Dinklage Joins X-Men V

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Trade News | February 14, 2013 | Comments ()


yankee_doodle_dandy_dinklage.jpg

You know what I miss, besides [insert something that wasn't great at the time, but can now be appreciated ironically]? Roman numerals. I don't care if it's a reboot, reset, retelling, sequel, or prequel. If it's the same franchise, the subsequent entries should be called: [Franchise Name] [Roman Numeral] [Colon] [Subtitle]. Anything else offends me and is as unAmerican as soccer and borscht. And this is the Internet, where the only thing that matters is that someone is offended.

It just helps keep things organized in my head. I've seen twelve Star Trek films, and I don't even know if it's 12 or 11 without thinking really hard since they jettisoned the numerals after Kirk won the Cold War. How can we just have a jumble of a half dozen different titles? At least when book series do that, I can keep them in order on the shelf as a cry in the dark against anarchy. Although there are terrible people who don't keep their bookshelves in order either, which shows so little respect for the written word that you might as well just be burning the damned books.

So yeah, not putting Roman numerals in film titles is the work of book burners. That's why I am short handing X-Men: Days of Future Past (which seriously, is that title an inside joke about subjunctive verb tenses with grammar nerds?) as X-Men V.

Right, so the point of this article was that America's favorite ... I think I'm supposed to say dwarf, but all such terms sound politically incorrect to me, and I'm pretty sure in fifteen years that's going to be considered a slur and a lot of "Game of Thrones" bloggers are going to have deep problems with old articles ... Peter Dinklage has joined the cast of X-Men V! This is particularly interesting since the number of characters extant to the X-Men universe matching Dinklage's physique is a very small one. The only one I can find is Puck, but I'm rooting for him to replace Hugh Jackman:

dinklage_wolverine.jpg

By the way, searching for "X-Men dwarf" on google, leads to some profoundly strange fan-fiction.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Ace

    Alpha Flight anyone?

  • TheOriginalMRod

    Gateway?

  • MissAmynae

    I blame Star Wars.

  • e jerry powell

    "Profoundly strange" is the best kind of fan fiction.

  • PhFunk

    Just to be that dude, the Days of Future Past title comes from a famous X-Men story from the 80s. If the film follows the plot of said story, then the confusing continuity issues of the X-films might get worked out. Or not.

  • e jerry powell

    Mostly not. This is Hollywood. Plot Holes 'r' Us.

  • gp

    um, as bantam? (he'd be the anchor for the time portals)

  • RudeMorgue

    Just don't give him a part that requires him to do an accent.

  • BendinIntheWind

    The lack of a numerical ordering system is why I have problems with the Game of Thrones books. I got a good 4 chapters into what I thought was book 3 of the series until my fiance helpfully asked "Wow, you finished the third one already?" JUST PUT A ROMAN NUMERAL ON IT, I DON'T HAVE TIME TO CHECK WIKIPEDIA EVERY TIME I PICK UP A BOOK.*

    *disclaimer - this is a lie, I have a tons of time.

  • Enrique del Castillo

    Please, don't make him play Puck. I can't express how dumb I find the idea of a superhero based on an actual hockey puck (and I've seen some very dumb ideas in superhero comics).

  • Bert_McGurt

    What the hell else are we going to base a Canadian superhero on? We're almost out of wild animals, and Considerate MapleSyrupMan and his sidekick, The Igloo Kid aren't exactly the Dynamic f*cking Duo.

    I mean, I guess we could try The Lumberjack. He's ok, but his alter ego is pretty controversial and his nighttime availability sucks.

  • True. But The Lumberjack could share costumes with some of the X-Women...so there's that.

    And how about CreepyMapleSyrupMan...that guy from the No Reservations Quebec episode?

  • Pants_are_a_must

    As long as he's not playing the villain. That would be stupid.

  • Pookie

    Thank you X-Men, you just fucked up the franchise for me. Why must my life be interrupted by Dinklage and his annoying fans, if this motherfucker was two feet taller nobody would give two fucks about his ass. But no, the guy is a midget that acts and now we’re supposed to bow down and kiss his ring finger. I see many midgets going about their business and nobody is having a goddamn parade for them, so I’m supposed to cream myself all because Dinks go a fucking part in X-Men? Fuck Dinklage, and fuck the Game of Thrones, and fuck everybody that loves Dinklage and the Game of Thrones.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    Right. Why should we actively root for an extremely talented and successful actor who differs so extremely from the Hollywood norm. Shame on us.

    This is week-ass trolling even for you, Pooks.

  • Pookie

    I know, I just haven’t been feeling it lately. Ever since Bslim left, I’ve been like a soldier without a war to fight. You’re right, I don’t hate Dinklage. The times are a changing.

  • Kballs

    after Kirk Rocky won the Cold War

    Fixed.

  • Ok, I'll concede that Rocky won it. But Kirk made the peace work. Those Klingon bastards killed his son, you know.

  • Pookie

    I didn't know that Kirk's son got killed, oh well. He kinda reminded me of Ronald Reagan's son, you know, well spoken and properly dressed and his politics were middle of the road.

  • Kballs

    Kirk definitely had a loquacious advantage, I'll give you that. But never forget those commies killed Rocky's mentor and TAUNTED HIM TO HIS FACE WHILE HE CRADLED APOLLO'S LIFELESS BODY. They're lucky that all he decided to do was end the Cold War instead of, oh I don't know, creating another Tunguska Event.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    Nope. Sorry. Kirk also solved the Cuban Missile Crisis when he killed Ricardo Montalban.

  • Kballs

    Rocky ended all race wars by humiliating the offensive black caricature known as Clubber Lang.

  • e jerry powell

    And yet Mr. T. kept playing the same character (if it can be called a character) through two WWF seasons with Hulk Hogan and for a few years on The A-Team.

    Talk about "actors" getting stuck in niches.

    I curse Stallone daily for sticking the world with that one. If we have to go all American-jingoism, at least Dolph Lundgren was easier to look at. No blinding gold chains.

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