Michael Sheen Is the New Adam Duritz Of Dating Way Out of His League

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | September 9, 2014

Please, don’t get me wrong here, folks. I like Michael Sheen. A lot. I like Adam Duritz, a lot (even though, MY GOD, he’s on the cover of AARP now) but both men have had a long and interesting history of dating way, way outside of their leagues, if we’re being superficially objective here. And that’s exactly what I’m being here.

I mean, Duritz has dated Courteney Cox, Mary-Louise Parker, Jennifer Aniston, Monica Potter, Samantha Mathis, Emmy Rossum, and possibly Winona Ryder and Christina Applegate. And this is a guy who has worn dreads all his f**king adult life, irreparably tarnished a Joni Mitchell song, and who looks like this:

The guy who once sang a song about the geographic location of the largest city in Nebraska and the relative length of the last month of the year used to sleep with Winona fucking Ryder.

I never should’ve quit band in high school.

But then there’s Michael Sheen. He’s a super talented guy, I love him in Masters of Sex, and I thought he was great as Tony Blair all three times he played him, although Sheen may be the first actor ever to play a politician who is actually less good looking than the guy he’s been cast as.

I won’t deny, either, that Sheen is mad hot in the Underworld movies. You cannot overestimate the value of a good beard.

But clean-shaven, weak-chinned Michael Sheen looks like a reject from Flock of Seagulls (sorry kids, 80s reference).

As great as that beard in Underworld is, Sheen has also done some very unfortunate experimenting with facial hair. The half-assed stubble. The lead-singer-of-Green-Day. The dead caterpillar. The Jazz-hands flashing villain in the Three Musketeers. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE.