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The Worst Valentine's Day Weekend Romantic Comedies of the Last Decade

The Worst Valentine's Day Weekend Romantic Comedies of the Last Decade

By Dustin Rowles | Box Office Round-Ups | February 17, 2013 | Comments ()

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Since the launch of Pajiba back in June of 2004, my primary beat has been the romantic comedy genre, which means I’ve spent every Valentine’s Day weekend for the last eight years suffering through the films that the Hollywood studio system wants us to think our romantic. If you ever want to know what love isn’t, spend Valentine’s Day in a multiplex. I feel bad for the poor bastards who want to take in a movie over that weekend, because — with the exception of the modestly pleasant Hitch in 2005 and better-than-most Definitely, Maybe in 2008 — it’s been a wasteland of pus-filled, infected hearts. That’s why I could not have been happier to allow TK to take over Valentine’s Day duties this year, and he obviously delivered big.

Here’s a quick rundown of the 9 worst movies Valentine’s Day choices since the beginning of Pajiba, with our movie-poster blurbs.

The Wedding Date (2005)

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Date Movie (2006)

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Music and Lyrics (2007)

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Norbit (2007)

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Confessions of a Shopaholic (2009)

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Valentine’s Day (2010)

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Just Go With It (2011)

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The Vow (2012)

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Safe Haven (2013)

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If you’re curious, Safe Haven was the big winner on Valentine’s Day, but after the grosses were tallied for the entire weekend, A Good Day to Die Hard ($25 million) beat out Safe Haven ($21.4 million) and last week’s number one, Identity Thief ($23.4 million). That forgettable animated film that no one will remember next weekend, Escape from Planet Earth came in at number four with a disappointing $19 million, followed by February’s one truly romantic movie, the zombie com, Warm Bodies ($9 million, $50 million cumulative). The other new entry this weekend, Beautiful Creatures — despite being the best movie of the four new releases — struck out with only $7.4 million, pretty much dashing any hopes of a trilogy.









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  • RantOver

    Aw, I love the quotes here but this points out to me just how Pajiba is FAR too wordy to make snappy quoteables.
    There's a reason you never see posters with whole paragraphs from reviews plastered across them

  • e jerry powell

    See, this is where it helps for me to be a single and very bitter bitch. I am spared romcoms altogether. Wouldn't want me getting all black up in the theater, screaming and throwing things at the screen for all the awfulness.

  • BWeaves

    Dustin has a good excuse to get out of movie watching on Valentine's Day for about another 2 years, and then when the big "Barney Goes Hollywood" movie comes out, he'll be taking the Pajitwins and watching it 154 times, in a row.

  • Natallica

    Is this a good moment to say THANK GOD apparently Lautner found his way back to the freezing puddle of anesthetic mud where he came from? Or if I utter his name the horrors of his tiny eyed, dumbass acting method will be conjured once again?

  • BlackRabbit

    I'm confused on two points:

    1) You LIKED Norbit?
    2) How can a trough be garbled? Gargled, perhaps.

  • spoobnooble

    1) Dustin is being sarcastic. Read the review.
    2) "Garbled" is an odd word choice, I agree. I think it conveys TK's anger at the film in question: something so awful that trying to describe it is making him insane. A movie that is also a trough of urine? Okay, Mr. TK, it's time for your pills and a nap in the special room.

  • Wembley

    I have seen none of these. I believe I win.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Correction: Righteously-indignant Dustin is my favourite.
    Scathing, howlingly funny Dustin is a very close second.
    Thoughtful, well-intentioned Dustin is my third favourite, but for a whisker.

    In other news: There's a game I play each day to find out what sound I will make when I open Pajiba and move in an orderly fashion towards the comment area. I draw out the tension by slowly reading the article, and scrolling down frissoning with
    an-

    tici-

    pation to see if today is a day I can comment or not.

    I made such a joyful noise unto Godtopus when I discovered that today is a good day to mock and droll. I won't discuss the bad days.

  • Ugh, I looooove The Wedding Date. Wholeheartedly.

  • KatSings

    Me too!

  • TheKoiPolloi

    Third!

  • BendinIntheWind

    The poster for Just Go With It is so weirdly designed that it fascinates me. The color of Brooklyn Decker's suit tricks me into thinking they're toasting with orange and yellow tropical drinks, but then you realize it's just fabric and the perspective is stupidly off, and then it looks like they're each holding one leg of the Brooklyn Decker Barbie. Are you trying to make me lose my mind, poster-designer? Because IT'S WORKING.

  • Wembley

    Make a Wish!

    Aww! You got the genitals. What did you wish for?

  • I will forever forgive Music and Lyrics for it's amazing opening scene/music video for PoP! Goes My Heart. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

  • Yes, Music and Lyrics is infinitely better than all the other movies listed.

  • Samantha Klein

    Yeah, I kinda love this one too. As a fan of rom-coms, though, I haven't even seen any of the others. 'Cause they just looked bad. So, yeah.

  • Xulux

    The songs are so hysterically funny. Was surprised to see M&L on this list. You could do a lot worse.

  • Three_nineteen

    Only eclipsed by the Pop-Up Video version over the end credits.

  • ViciousTrollop

    Holy moly, is that Jason Street? Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose!

  • How on earth did I never notice that was him before? omg.

  • BWeaves

    Wheee, I'm having Robson and Jerome flashbacks.

  • PDamian

    And even without the opening sequence, this movie had enough charming scenes to make it worth viewing, at least on TV on a weekend. "Buddha's Delight" is the most weirdly, delightfully, insanely ridiculous song ever written for film.

    "Like sitting meditation/you give me elevation/Can you take me higher? ... 'Cause I'm not satisfied if I don't get my Buddha's delight/Om shanti shanti ..."

    Pure genius.

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