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The 12 Worst Films Ever Released On Super Bowl Weekend

By Dustin Rowles | Box Office Round-Ups | February 3, 2013 | Comments ()


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If January is the Hollywood dumping grounds, Super Bowl weekend is the January's dumping grounds dumping grounds. It's where studios release the worst of the worst, folks. Movies they want to hide away from the world, that they want to bury beneath the sea. Granted, movies can succeed on Super Bowl weekend. Last year, the phenomenal Chronicle made $22 million; Taken opened on Super Bowl weekend with $24 million; and Nicholas Sparks' Dear John did a nice bit of counter-programming to open with $30 million.

Indeed, this weekend saw the release of Warm Bodies, which opened at number one with $18 million, and it's almost certainly a movie that will enter the Pajiba canon (more on that tomorrow). It was, however, a disaster for Sylvester Stallone's Bullet to the Head, which opened in 5th place with a meager $4.5 million, proving once again that The Expendables do OK together, but they're terrible apart (see also this month's Arnie film, The Last Stand ($6.2 million opening), and Statham's Parker ($7 million opening). The box-office isn't friendly to the older guys, period, as Stand Up Guys (with Pacino, Walken, and Alan Arkin) fared even worse this weekend, opening with a lousy $1.5 million.

Still, bad as they were, neither Stand Up Guys or Bullet to the Head were bad enough to be among one of the 12 worst films to open on Super Bowl weekend. Hell, not even Christian Slater's Bed of Roses, Mandy Moore's Because I Said So or James Marsden's Sugar & Spice were bad enough to land in the top 12. Hell, the worst movie to open on Super Bowl weekend is one of the 100 worst movies of all time, and another was so bad that Rick Moranis never acted in a film again (OK, yes: It had nothing to do with the movie, but it was his last live-action film.

Here are the 12 Worst Films Ever to Open on Super Bowl Weekend.

Phantoms

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The Eye

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Over Her Dead Body

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Strange Wilderness

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The Wedding Planner

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Isn't She Great

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When a Stranger Calls

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Big Bully

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Highlander 3: The Final Dimension

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Children of the Corn II

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Spice World

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Car 54, Where Are You?

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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Big Bully use to come on HBO all the time. I barely remember it, but i do remember I would enjoy the hell out of it when it was on!

  • If aliens ever invade in our future and they ask "Please explain the 90s", I will just show them a copy of Spice World, and then tell them we deserve to die for it.

  • e jerry powell

    Utter obliteration of our entire civilization, actually.

  • Devin McMusters

    Wedding Planner always makes my wife wet, so I'll gladly sit though it.

  • Sofia

    Spice World?

    HOW DARE YOU?!!!

  • Kballs

    I bet Peter O'Toole had it in his contract that he not be included on the poster with that slut Ben Affleck.

  • e jerry powell

    Oh, like Peter O'Toole hasn't been a whore in his time. Tiberius in Caligula or Sir Cedric in King Ralph was pretty much slumming it, and there's only so much Lawrence of Arabia and The Lion in Winter can balance out (especially considering that turn as Priam in Troy).

  • Kballs

    I agree with King Ralph and understand that it is literally impossible to be in Hollywood for over 50 years and not make shitty movies. It's just funny that he got top billing and is nowhere to be seen. It probably went something like:

    Director: "Hey Peter! We're putting together the poster and wanted to kno---

    Peter: "BY THE GODS, IF YOU PUT MY VISAGE UPON SAID MARKETING GLIM-GLAMMERY I WILL SMITE THEE WITH THIS STONE DILDO I STOLE FROM THE SET OF CALIGULA!"

    Director: "Ahhh, okay. That wasn't actually what I wanted to ask---

    Peter: "COME OFF IT MAN!!! THESE BABY BLUES WILL NOT GRACE THIS---THIS----OUTRAGERY!!!!"

    Director: "That's interesting, Peter. Thank you for sharing. (aside) Did someone show him where the booze it hidden? (end aside) Umm, yeah, no picture. Fine, whatever you want. How about top billing?

    Peter: "That would be delightful! Let my people go!"

    Director: "That's Charlton Heston."

    Peter: "Fuck you, asshole."

  • e jerry powell

    That was a good bit, actually.

    DID YOU HEAR THAT, PROLIXITY?

  • Mrs. Julien

    I was just taking the cap off my highlighter.

  • Kballs

    I hope whoever did the artwork for Car 54 got shot in the dick. What a monstrosity.

  • Mitchell Hundred

    Holy shit, the photoshopping on that Spice World poster is painfully obvious.

  • PDamian

    One more thing ... One-third of the listed films star Latina actresses: Jessica Alba, Jennifer Lopez, Eva Longoria, and Camilla Belle (Belle's mom is Brazilian). Four out of twelve films. I'm beginning to think that Super Bowl weekend is where Latina actresses' careers go to die.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    That would only make sense if their careers had, in fact, died.

  • e jerry powell

    As opposed to stillborn.

  • PDamian

    Dead enough, and certainly where movies are concerned. JLo's outing in Parker hasn't done much at the box office. Eva Longoria hasn't managed to make a successful transition to film. Jessica Alba is known for a fine ass and not much else, while Camilla Belle is known as Tebow's latest -- and has never been a big star, in any case.

  • PDamian

    Warm Bodies will "enter the Pajiba cannon?" So, does this mean you liked it and it's destined to become a favorite of Pajibans, or that you want to shoot it at North Korea?

    And I'm so disappointed that Bullet to the Head didn't fare so well. Not that I give a rat's butt if Stallone makes a comeback, but I was so hoping that this would give Jason Momoa's career a push. It doesn't look like it's going to give it even a gentle nudge, more's the pity. Channing Tatum has a career based on not much more than rippling abs and a facile charm; why not Momoa?

  • e jerry powell

    Oh, please. Jason Momoa gets to make more babies with Lisa Bonet; not a bad consolation prize.

  • Mitchell Hundred

    Actually, I think he meant that Warm Bodies is going to become a saint.

  • e jerry powell

    By being shot at North Korea.

  • thenchonto

    Checked out the Car 54 page on Rotten Tomatoes. Until today I believed that Rosie O'Donnell and David Johansen could only be seen bumping uglies in in nightmares induced by particularly bad bouts of the flu or in the midst of opiate withdrawal. Now I know different and, accordingly, can never again know true joy. Just thought I'd share with you guys. Let's wallow in nihilistic angst together!

  • BlackRabbit

    I saw that movie. The scars....the scars.....I will also disagree on Phantoms' though. It was creepy in parts.

  • kimk

    I saw "Isn't She Great" in a movie theater (in all fairness, a free screening) and all I can really remember about it was that 1. it was a sort of comedy about the woman who wrote "Valley of the Dolls" and ultimately died of cancer and 2. I had one of those "I can't believe this movie exists even though it is playing out in front of my eyes" moments while watching it (probably only on par with the time I stumbled across "Shadowboxer" on cable).

    By the by, saw "Warm Bodies" this weekend, and although by no means great it was, for lack of a better word, endearing.

  • Erich

    ......i liked Strange Wilderness

  • cbn

    phantoms was great, are you fucking high

  • D

    or maybe just great when you're f*cking high?

  • Nicolae

    But there was magic in Highlander 3!

  • Aislinn

    Damnit, there's a 'A Kind of Magic' joke in there somewhere, but I'm too hungover to make it.

  • e jerry powell

    Well, given that the whole phenomenon is uncomfortably enamored of music by Queen, the jokes practically write themselves.

  • e jerry powell

    Yeah, but was it good magic or bad magic?

  • Fabius_Maximus

    It was the magic to still make me laugh whenever see something of, or hear about it.

  • Rocabarra

    I've said it before and I'll say it again: this scene from Strange Wilderness redeems it all. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

  • e jerry powell

    And wouldn't you know that some cable channel or other has The Eye on opposite the Super Bowl tonight.

    And I still can't figure out what drugs Bette Midler slipped studio execs that made them believe her when she said that a Jacqueline Susann biopic was a good idea.

    And really, what make Camilla Belle think that she was even half as entertaining as Carol Kane?

  • thenchonto

    It's not the original, non-remake The Eye, is it, perchance? I always hold out hope and TNN or TBS or whatever station always dashes it. I remember totally swooning over the male lead in the Hong Kong version, back when I first saw it in high school. You'd almost have to be blind to not immediately be all over that.

  • e jerry powell

    Nope, it is, in fact, the shit-brown shitty Jessica Alba shit remake. You want good, quality Japanese horror, you gotta watch Sundance Channel at some god-forsaken hour in the morning.

  • Bum

    The Eye is not Japanese

  • e jerry powell

    Beg pardon, Chinese/Thai.

  • Kballs

    Must . . . not . . . make . . . racist . . . joke . . .

  • Rubble44

    so a running theme is movies with women who annoy the shit out of me...Eva Longoria, J Lo, Rosie O'Donnell...Jonah Hill.. .HI YOOOOOOO!!!!!

    Paul Rudd, if you needed the money, you should have just asked man....

  • e jerry powell

    But not Fran Drescher?

  • Genevieve Burgess

    Whatever, Spice World is entertaining as hell. Doesn't make a damn lick of sense, but I'm pretty sure every single person in the movie is 100% aware of that.

  • $2786243

    It's a joke that everybody is totally in on.

  • Zirza

    Spiceworld is neither good nor bad. It is beyond such pedestrian terms. It is a cultural signifier, a landmark of late nineties culture, a litmus test for the pre-teens of yore. It cannot be classified along with these trifecta from the bowels of Hollywood.

    It is also a good reminder of the fact that platform shoes are really ugly.

  • e jerry powell

    See? I knew it wasn't just me. Goat hooves are the work of the Devil.

  • e jerry powell

    Spice World made me all stabby, even though I only saw the first ten minutes. And I like Absolutely Fabulous.

    Maybe being twenty-nine at the time had something to do with it.

  • poopnado

    Spice World was a major high point in my pre-teen years. I remember seeing it in a theater packed with other teeny boppers. GREAT memories that I am not ashamed of. At all.

  • Wembley

    But...Affleck was the bomb in Phantoms.

    Too predictable?

  • emmelemm

    Dammit.

  • Laura

    Knew someone would beat me to it.

  • NateMan

    Don't care, cuz you and Jay are right. That movie was awesome.

  • Nic Cage

    Easily the least worst on the list.

  • Good Possibility - but I'll never stop loving it

  • Frank Booth

    Total agree here...great beginning stupid end

  • Aaron Schulz

    Phantoms like a mo'fucker

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