By Brian Richards | Social Media | March 11, 2017 |
By Brian Richards | Social Media | March 11, 2017 |
This past Wednesday, word began to spread amongst Twitter (primarily Black Twitter) that a party would soon be taking place in the Atlanta area. And that this wasn’t going to be just any type of party, but a slumber party/orgy.
Adult sleepover in #Atlanta 3/18 - 3/19. Music, mouf and food. Bring an open mind, open, mouf and open ass.😈 https://t.co/fHr4fUKnnO
— Chocolate Girl 6 (@_CoDiddy) March 2, 2017
With every mention and discussion of this adult sleepover/orgy, the general reaction to this orgy’s very existence could be summed up as:
This had nothing at all to do with the fact that there was going to be an orgy, but mainly because of the people involved who would be throwing and planning this orgy to take place. It’s bad enough that such a gathering is being planned by someone who apparently has a reputation on Twitter for saying really unfunny and unpleasant things about people living with HIV/AIDS (which is exactly the kind of open-minded, kind-hearted, and sex-positive person you want planning an orgy), but the fact that this orgy is being planned so badly, so unprofessionally, and with no little to no regard for the safety of those who would be attending. Put it this way: the fact that I know about the existence of this orgy, as well as the fact that you now know about this orgy should be enough to have your Spider-Sense tingling as to whether such an orgy that is already so widely known to so many people is one that should be attended*.
For a more explicit and articulate explanation and breakdown as to why this adult sleepover/orgy and everything about it so far is an absolute catastrofuck in the making, here is a thread of tweets from Monique Judge (@thejournalista) for your enlightenment and reading pleasure…
Clearly the person throwing this Atlanta sex party doesn't understand how the swinger life really works.
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
First of all, the swinger scene isn't some stranger danger sex free-for-all
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
A huge part of being in the swinger life is TRUST
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
You don't just throw an open invite party where anyone can come, because safety is also important.
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
Also? As a general rule, men cannot come to a swinger club/party without a date
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
A lot of people in the swinger scene have a lot to protect. Careers etc. Discretion is of the utmost importance.
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
Most people in the scene know all the other people in their city/town who are also in the scene.
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
Relationships are built whether you actually end up having encounters with each other or not. It's part of the trust thing.
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
The scene is also big on safety. Most legitimate clubs or parties have free condoms and dental dams
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
Most do not allow cameras unless, follow me here, you have consent.
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
Because discretion is key, the open invite shit NEVER HAPPENS
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
While people can and do engage in group sex, that's not all that it's about.
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
I never engaged in group sex. I'm an exhibitionist by nature, so we went and let others watch us have sex. This is also a big thing.
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
And even THAT required consent/permission.
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
But y'all go ahead and pay to get exposed on the timeline if you want to.
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
I don't think any of you hood boogers are mature enough to handle the real swinger life. Y'all don't even know how to disagree respectfully.
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
And before you start typing fast in my mentions, I SAID WHAT I FUCKING SAID.
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
I've talked very openly on the timeline about sex and my sexuality. It's not a game, and it's not for show.
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
What this girl is planning and advertising on the timeline is dangerous, indiscriminate and an insult to the life.
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
That shit is a recipe for disaster because a great lot of you have demonstrated in your tweets that you don't know how consent works.
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
She is putting people in danger.
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
Most swinger clubs and parties have SECURITY just in case someone gets out of hand. Will the Airbnb Fuck Party have that?
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
Real swinger clubs and parties, if they are legit, make sure the space is clean. Sheets get changed. There are clean towels etc.
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
Will amateur night at the Airbnb have that?
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
This shit just sounds mad irresponsible.
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
And while I pray this does not happen, I will not be surprised when we hear someone got raped or otherwise assaulted.
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
Oh, and I have never ever in my history of being in the life have been to a swinger club or party where WOMEN are charged admission.
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
That should be a red flag right there. She's charging you to put you in danger.
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
As to the question of "what about people who advertise on CL and meet up with randoms to have sex?
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 9, 2017
Yes, those people do call themselves swingers, but they are not really in the life. Advertising for random, indiscriminate sex is OTHER.
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 9, 2017
I promise you. Ask anyone who is truly involved in swinger life, and they will tell you that there is a HUGE difference.
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 9, 2017
The label gets applied to people who do things just for the literal FUCK of it. They aren't the same as we.
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 9, 2017
It's just different.
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 9, 2017
People who are truly in the life value safety, discretion and good common sense. Some people are just out there fucking. That's not swinging
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 9, 2017
that's just being out there fucking random people and calling it swinging. I'm not knocking it, it's just not what I'm about.
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 9, 2017
For the people who are asking me how to get in. I can't tell you how to get in with people in your town. Again, discretion keeps it low
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 9, 2017
Anyway, I just came to clear some shit up, because this girl is giving the game a black eye with her bullshit.
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
If anyone has legitimate questions about the swinger scene, I will answer them for you. You can ask in my DMs if you are shy.
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) March 8, 2017
Safety, respect, proper etiquette, and consent are all things that many of us (especially women and especially Black women) ask for and demand in order to help make this life one that is worth living. It’s why women tell you to not touch their hair without their permission. It’s why women tell you not to touch any part of their body without their permission. It’s why women tell you that they’re not going to smile just because you demand them to. It’s why women tell you not to touch them, photograph them without permission, or treat them like your own personal fucktoy when you see them cosplaying at (insert popular comic-book and pop-culture convention here). It’s why women tell you not to send them unsolicited dick pics. It’s why women tell you to leave them the fuck alone and to not follow or catcall them as they’re walking down the street/riding the bus or subway or elevator to their respective destinations. And it’s also why women make absolutely sure that they have a pair of headphones on them at all times so they have something to (pretend to) listen to while blatantly ignoring your attempts to follow and catcall them as they’re walking down the street/riding the bus or subway or elevator to their respective destinations. (And as someone who spent years having to wonder and worry about getting jumped by racist White assholes every time I left my house to walk outside while living in Staten Island, I’m fully aware that men need and deserve safety/respect/proper etiquette/consent as well, but we obviously don’t face the same extent of dangers and threats that women do, so please spare us all the “But what about us?!” and “Not all men” responses).
All of those things are what we should expect and receive when simply going to a club or party where simply dancing to loud music and consuming watered-down and overpriced drinks will take place, and they should definitely be expected and applied to a party/gathering where many a sexual act can and will take place in a location that is under your personal supervision. These are all things that we should expect and demand from any person for any interaction, be it a business meeting, a hangout session between friends, a first date that could potentially lead to something more, or down-and-dirty sex that will happen only once or happen on a regular basis. And if you’re not willing to do everything possible to ensure that whoever you are with feels that they are safe, that they are without judgment, that they can say “yes” and/or “no” to you about whatever they decide without fear of reprisal…then you’re simply taking steps to become another Nate Parker, another Casey Affleck, another Brock Turner, or you’re taking steps to encourage such behavior in others and doing little or nothing to prevent it. And if that’s the case, then you need to keep your distance as far away from others as humanly possible, because no one needs or deserves to deal with that.
*All of that being said, I’m fully aware that:
1) This could all be an elaborate practical joke.
2) This orgy could end up being cancelled at the last minute for various reasons.
3) All five of you who are reading this fully understand the meaning and importance of consent and don’t need to be reminded of it. But some anvils just need to be dropped.