Old School. Biblically Independent.
By Petr Navovy | Social Media | May 9, 2023
I've been with my partner for almost half a decade now, and one of the things I always have to concede is that as much as the swearing and the insults are wonderful in the UK, they truly do take things to another level in her native Spain. Honestly, we just can't compete. Whether it's folding in things like asparagus, cucumber, mothers, holy figures, or just the sheer mind-bogglingly limitless variations on 'Me cago en [XYZ]', Spanish leaves English behind in the profanity dust. Twitter users had this subject on its mind the other day when they pondered the most memorable insults that they had ever heard.
When imdb dot com had message boards, someone accused me of having "glued-on, false morals". I still don't get that, but it's stayed with me for 13 years.
— Oh no, it's the Gender Handmaiden (@MsVanillaRose) April 10, 2023
My son's ex girlfriend told him we "looked like the kind of family that really likes soup"
— Emily Jenkins (@queenjenkins) April 7, 2023
When my hair was longer I used to hoop at the park with some teenagers and they called me Anderson Varejao pic.twitter.com/qvY9En0fzd
— Aaron Blackshear (@aaronblackshear) April 7, 2023
Someone described my favorite fragrance as "the LinkedIn of perfumes"
— Lindsay Goldwert 👑 (@lindsaygoldwert) April 8, 2023
Someone looked at my profile photo and said "Leave some forehead for the rest of us".
— Daniel (@VoteLewko) April 9, 2023
A 70-something, British innkeeper looked at one of my wedding photos and she said, "Hm, it's amazing what makeup can do for a girl." Damn, Lynne was savage.
— Laura Grace Tarpley (@lgtarpley) April 10, 2023
I asked a girl out in college and she said, "It's cute you want to date me. When I get a boyfriend, I want him to be just like you. NOT YOU, but just like you."
— Hank Neloms (@MongoSlade64) April 7, 2023
"Is this a skills issue?"
— Cathy Reisenwitz (51/100 sketches) (@CathyReisenwitz) April 8, 2023
— Royalty (@chris_royal) April 11, 2023
"because we want to win"
— Bob Collins (@TGOT_msp) April 7, 2023
Coach of my rec league hockey team when I asked why I couldn't get a shift on the ice.
This gem pic.twitter.com/085YnGIIuN
— M3AGAN (@meaganrosae) April 9, 2023
Back when i was still clinging to the little hair i had left a student told me "shut up witcho Batman hairline" and the his sidekick chimed in (with the Christian Bale voice) I HAVE TO PROTECT GOTHAM! pic.twitter.com/AFuLkQ1UXM
— JOHNTAYLORSHOW (@johntaylorshow) April 7, 2023
Was walking to a job interview thru The Urban Area and some kid came up to me like "where you goin in that nutty ass tie old head" and all the other kids laughed
— 3 wheeled bicycle (@mrbillding) April 8, 2023
*hurt
— Jumaane Williams (@JumaaneWilliams) April 7, 2023
On a bus and someone said go home pikachu... i thought it was offensive but since I am a pokemon fan I was confused
— Pangina Heals (@PanginaHeals) April 10, 2023
"Your mama smells like Brunswick."
— Jerad Walker (@jeradwalker) April 7, 2023
Followed by stunned playground silence.
I was walking downtown and recording the stars and a homeless guy said "You need to be recording them f**ked up boots." Haven't worn them since.
— As MF Is (@DjAsIs) April 7, 2023
When I was in high school, I wore these cute brown shoes and this boy said I looked like Harriet Tubman...I never wore them again.
— mimi, LMSWâœ¨ðŸŒ¸ðŸ’«â™“ï¸ (@_mama_bear) April 7, 2023
Fast forward 10+ years to a few months ago I bought a pair of black flats and my mama said "there she go with those slave shoes again"🥲🥲
I was sitting in an airport and two guys were walking by arguing. The one said to the other that "his family tree looked like a wreath."
— LoveAndyC (@LoveAndyC) April 9, 2023
I died. I use it on occasion as my own. 😂
My mother bought me some new shoes (The USA Olympic brand in the 80s). She made me wear them to school one day. A student in one of my classes noticed them and stood up and hummed the National Anthem to my shoes. pic.twitter.com/lqXzVu5PqI
— E. Beane (@ezzbeane) April 7, 2023
"You look like you drop common loot when you die"
— The82Ghost (@TiltedCrown2) April 8, 2023
A retraction from someone having previously said my face was beautiful; 'Actually, it isn't beautiful, it's squishy...' 🤷ðŸ»â€â™€ï¸
— Emma Aitken ðŸ’🦩ðŸ›ï¸ (@emmaaitkenF1) April 10, 2023
An ex once called me a "wanking t--- face".
— Jamie_R (@JRCT70) April 10, 2023
I didn't even do anything, honest.
— Sid, Student of Empire (@Wellstonist) April 9, 2023
"You look like you snuck on earth" was top tier
— 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩💜💛 (@theejaysworld) April 7, 2023
For some reason I spent 100.00 on a Polo like this and a dude said I looked like a police sergeant in the Bahamas. I havent worn that shirt since. pic.twitter.com/9AMg0qswei
— KnineðŸðŸ¦Œ N 6 🆠(🦌 🧀 ) (@Kninemusic) April 8, 2023
A very white blonde girl I worked with was criticizing another girl's makeup and my friend asked her "what shade are you wearing, corpse?"
— Greg Gober (@GGober_Tx) April 7, 2023
When I was in high school, I finally decided to join the old navy flip flop and jeans trend (IYKYK). The school clown saw me in the hall and LOUDLY said "DAMN Q YOUR TOES LONG AS HELLLLL! Bet you can ball em up into a fist!" ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ the hall way erupted in laughter
— Pisces Do It Better â™“ï¸ (@unavailablegrl) April 7, 2023
"I don't have enough time or crayons to explain this to you right now"
— Thomas Newman (@ThomasNewman) April 7, 2023
https://t.co/hWqgDRszxE pic.twitter.com/bzC6dVLirU
— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) April 12, 2023
"Scottish Tory 6-chip t---" https://t.co/pfYXGatA3G pic.twitter.com/VYHeOtb3hW
— Rob Incognito (@MrPostsGood) April 12, 2023
Not that it's the cleverest, but the simplicity of "dork ass losers" is lovely. pic.twitter.com/Rwykg6qBVO
— TheGoche (@TheGoche) April 7, 2023
I showed up to class in middle school and this boy I liked asked me if I had gotten my hair cut. I was so flattered that he noticed and told him yes, with a huge smile on my face. Then he said, "With WHAT?"
— Annie Gustin (@oldfshndanne) April 7, 2023
— Skinny (@10Skinnyboi) April 14, 2023
