With everything going on, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed right now. Actually, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed. This means the lines between personal and professional are blurring in unexpected ways, where we’re basically looking past the common stiff civilities to recognize we’re all just humans trying our best in increasingly insane circumstances. This leads me to an e-mail one Twitter user claims they got from their professor about a change to their class schedule:
Just received this rollercoaster of an email from one of my professors pic.twitter.com/6vGfiRNFI9— decent pigeon (@decentbirthday) October 12, 2020
This “rollercoaster of an email” lays out what the students need to know: the exam is being rescheduled, class on Thursday is canceled. Then, Professor Patrick Wilson (not the one pictured above) explains why in a way that feels less like an excuse and more like a logline for a tragic-comedy film that’ll premiere at virtual Sundance in January:
Against my best wishes, I have been shot and am being treated in the ER. I also have COVID, and the divorce is getting messy.
Obviously, this movie would be called Against My Best Wishes.
Twitter understandably went wild over this unique e-mail. Here are some highlights of the thousands of responses.
“The only thing messier than the divorce is the kitchen floor, where, as I’ve mentioned, I was shot against my will.”— Sarah Kessler (@thecoachkessler) October 13, 2020
This is— E Marquez (@EwinMawquez) October 12, 2020
How it started: How it’s going:
in email form.
I’m guessing the shooting has to do with him being in America? Being American vastly improves your chances of being shot.— The Jolimont Otter (@JolimontOtter) October 12, 2020
Nothing I will ever send to my students will equal this. I am unsure if I am glad or disappointed for being tragically boring.— January Hamster 🏳️🌈 (@Jan_Ham) October 13, 2020
“if i am alive” pic.twitter.com/Btk51sgfOD— katie (@pufflebish69) October 12, 2020
To make matters worse, his house is probably haunted and his best friend was vaporized by Dr. Manhattan like a week ago. pic.twitter.com/VHa2itU46m— ᛞ (@MeddlingMagi) October 12, 2020
I have been shot— Marianne 🏴🇫🇷🇪🇺 (@1Finches) October 12, 2020
Against my best wishes
And will probably be dead by breakfast
Your exam is postponed
Miss Scarlett in the conservatory with the revolver— Martha Hunt (@MarthaHunt) October 13, 2020
I've been shot. I have COVID. The divorce is getting messy. I'm new in town.— Miranda (@MirandudeSings) October 12, 2020
Professor Pat needs a mf’n sabbatical. 😭 pic.twitter.com/E5oeIhqNEn— 81 freckles (@msjoven) October 13, 2020
God please update this story I need know now— thisBurie🖤🔥🏳️🌈🔞🌈🍖 (@thisburie) October 12, 2020
Wait so you're saying he's single? Is he cute? Can he hit me up? But also is he okay?— venus in furs hasn't (@Sangewya) October 13, 2020
I realize some might find highlighting this story crass. First off, it’s probably a hoax, as @decentbirthday is known for tweeting funny messages that are likely faked. Whether it’s real or not, I’m heartened by how Twitter’s community was able to find the humor and thereby humanity in what are outrageous circumstances. For them, @decentbirthday offered an update:
Update: he really doesn’t miss pic.twitter.com/UJqsHg2BN1— decent pigeon (@decentbirthday) October 12, 2020
Good luck to us all.
Header Image Source: Getty