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Birds Have Got It Going On

By Mieka Strawhorn | Social Media | December 12, 2018 |

By Mieka Strawhorn | Social Media | December 12, 2018 |


eurasianstonecurlew.jpg

Living in a divisive time, as we currently are, it’s easy to forget that despite our myriad differences, we humans are all basic and boring as fuck. One species with a dumb head stacked on top of some kind of meat chimney with a couple of gel-filled balls stuck in the middle of it (if we’re lucky), breathing out of the same wet hole we shove food into that also occasionally touches genitals. Gah-ross. With precious little variation in skin, shape, or form, we’re kind of the worst. Maybe that’s why people lost their shit over that fabulous Mandarin duck that’s been posted up over in the pond at Central Park the last couple of weeks.

I’m talking about this guy.

Mallard, please! He’s clearly superior to the other garden variety birds they got over there. He’s got cunning, uniqueness, nerve, and talent. People identified with that duck. Who doesn’t want to fancy themselves the Mandarin in a sea of American Black Ducks? Well sorry, folks, despite our best efforts to convince ourselves otherwise, Depeche Mode had it right. People are people. Tattoo yourself, split your tongue like a snake, buy yourself a bigger booty, lose weight, gain weight, lighten your skin, darken your skin, do all the things that science and money will allow, but one simple fact remains: We are just a singular expression of the lamest species on the planet.

That Mandarin duck, however, is just one species in thousands upon thousands of magnificent creatures we call birds. Sure, they have their clunkers. Anybody who’s ever seen a gimpy pigeon pecking on a discarded piece of KFC can attest to that. But the sheer variety of birds that are out here living their best lives is staggering. The Mandarin duck is looking at these other birds and suddenly he starts feeling some kind of way about his go-to Starbucks order. The Mandarin is asking himself if he’s a basic bitch. I don’t know, duck. You tell me.

That’s right, that Mandarin is texting his editor right now pitching a feature on the majestic Raggiana bird-of-paradise. He’s shook.

The Instagram account Birdfreaks has been dropping humility bombs like this into my feed daily. “Bird” is such a small, unassuming word. Yet the breadth of variation in the bird kingdom is truly spectacular to behold. Look at this little dude!

Adorable and terrifying. Do you know how hard that is to pull off? How about this grand dame.

She’s ready for the opera and no, she’s not taking off her hat. You should have bought better seats.

Here are a couple of pigeons you’ll never see pecking each other’s eyes out over a grain of spilled fried rice or fighting over whose preferred theory of a universal organizing force is superior. That’s people shit!

When this owl tires of you, she just closes her eyes and disappears. It’s a cold blooded diss and I am living for it!

How many shady owls that are not here for your bullshit can you spot?

Common Kingfisher my ass!

Our legs, arms, torso, head combo is looking simpler and simpler by the minute. Sure we have opposable thumbs, Netflix, and an understanding of our own mortality, but who needs them when you’re this fabulous?

Birds were here before us, and they’ll probably be here long after we’re gone, pooping on the monuments of a lost civilization.



Mieka is a staff contributor. You can follow her on Twitter.


Header Image Source: Instagram


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