In a now-deleted Reddit post, a 25-year-old woman (who I’ll refer to as The Bride and not because she’s armed with Hattori Hanzo steel) described how her friend (who I’ll refer to as Ex-Bridesmaid) refused to participate as a bridesmaid at her wedding upon discovering that said wedding would be held at a plantation, despite the fact that The Bride and Ex-Bridesmaid had previously discussed the matter and it was made clear that Ex-Bridesmaid believed that plantations should be turned into museums to highlight all of the atrocities that occurred as a result of their existence, and also that her participation in such a wedding could be damaging to her career and reputation. And The Bride agreed to this due to the importance of her friendship with Ex-Bridesmaid and said that she would take all of this into consideration. Except for the fact that The Bride didn’t really agree to any of this and mainly thought that Ex-Bridesmaid was being a little too dramatic and Drake-like and was being all in her feelings, and so she expected Ex-Bridesmaid to eventually change her mind, go with the flow, and be at her wedding. Which she clearly did not.
She’s deleted the post bc everyone told her she sucked and her friend was cool. pic.twitter.com/iJecPdqCoz— Nicole Cliffe (@Nicole_Cliffe) September 8, 2018
And unfortunately for The Bride, a lot of people read her Reddit post and sided with Ex-Bridesmaid instead of her, and didn’t hesitate to call her out on her “let me ignore my friend’s legitimate feelings and opinions about where I choose to get married because I refuse to take them seriously” bullshit, hence her choosing to delete the entire post from Reddit and disappear like a Universal FanCon co-founder.
(For everyone who would like to read the actual responses to the now-deleted Reddit post, click here.)
From Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Philippe, to Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively, and many, many, many other couples, there’s just something about plantations that continue to convince people that they are the ideal locations to stand before your chosen deity, your family and your friends, to exchange vows to love, honor, and cherish one another. And when you look at most plantations and see how beautiful and spacious they are, it’s somewhat understandable as to why any White couple would hold their wedding at one. Of course, to go forward with having a wedding at the plantation of their choice, the couple and everyone involved with organizing and planning the wedding would just have to completely overlook the reason as to why any plantation is so beautiful and spacious and how it even came to be built and exist in the first place. And that reason?
And whenever this is brought up, and not just when it comes to wedding at plantations, but for any topic where slavery and the mistreatment of Black people applies, the same responses from White people who can’t/won’t be bothered can be expected like clockwork or Kim Kardashian dropping nude photos of herself whenever Beyoncé does anything:
“Here we go again with the race card/victim card.”
“Why do you keep bringing that up? Slavery was such a long time ago! Get over it!”
“Must you keep bringing race into everything?”
A couple of things:
1) Not that it really matters to the people who say things like “Slavery was such a long time ago! Get over it!” when they’re not saying other things like “Yeah, but what about all the Black-on-Black crime in Chicago?,” but technically, slavery in this country ended in 1865, when slaves in Texas finally learned of President Abraham Lincoln signing the Emancipation Proclamation back in 1863. Which isn’t as long ago as many people would like to think, and which didn’t stop this country from finding new and legal ways to continue enslaving people. Granted, those same people could be told in person and shown meticulously detailed documents which prove that slavery actually ended last month, and their response would most likely be, “That was a month ago. Why are you bringing up old stuff?
Why do White people talk as if the Civil Rights movement wasn't only 50 years ago?— Xerxes (@LeonidasMyBitch) September 9, 2018
"You still use the suffering of your ancestors as an excuse of what's wrong with your community!"
Ancestors? Bitch, you mean my GRANDMA? pic.twitter.com/W5WgrWdjR7
2) When it comes to slavery, or Black people being brutalized/harassed/murdered by police, or the Black Lives Matter/Say Her Name/Take A Knee movements that were created to protest all of this, or Serena Williams regularly dealing with overt displays of racism and sexism despite her status as the greatest tennis player alive, or just any pain and suffering that Black and brown people are forced to endure and deal with, there are far too many White people willing to Jane Lane-shrug and avert their eyes elsewhere while demanding that Black people either know their place, or learn how to behave and stop embarrassing themselves, or follow orders and do what they’re told even when they’re in their own homes and they have to deal with a police officer breaks in and acts recklessly because she thinks that their home is actually her home. But they will regularly remind us/demand of us that we never forget the Holocaust, or 9/11, or Jesus Christ dying for our sins, or the fact that Rose could’ve easily slid her ass over and made room for Jack so that he could climb on board and not die in the freezing cold waters of the North Atlantic Ocean. (You know, as long as we’re talking shelf life) Because all lives matter until you’re once again reminded that Black lives also matter. And whenever that happens, All Lives Matter is once again used the way it always has been and always will be used: as a way of saying “Shut up and sing.” Or “shut up and dribble.” Or “shut up and know your damn place and stay in it.”
There are so many other places that you and your beloved can go to in order to exchange vows and become husband and wife/wife and wife/husband and husband. You can get married at your own house, or your parents’ house, or at the house of one of your friends or relatives. You can get married at Niagara Falls, like Jim Halpert and Pam Beesley. You can get married in Singapore, especially if you find out that your significant other is stupendously wealthy and has a mother who bears a very strong resemblance to Michelle Yeoh. You can go low-profile and get married at City Hall in front of a Justice of the Peace. Any single one of these locations would be far better and thoughtful and a lot less offensive that having your wedding at a place where Black people were beaten, raped, humiliated, and murdered, all so you could dress up, eat overpriced cake, and have bragging rights among family, friends, and many other people who you barely know or like.
And if you’re more than willing to have your wedding at a plantation, but the thought of having it at the Freedom Tower or the concentration camps at Auschwitz and Dachau offends you and fills you with disgust, you really need to ask yourself why that is.
Header Image Source: Getty Images