I’m not a New Yorker but I know enough to not fuck with New Yorkers, especially when they are trying to get somewhere. You don’t stand in the middle of the sidewalk to tie your shoe, you don’t stop at the bottom of an escalator to check your map, and you sure as hell don’t bring a camera crew to the subway station at Times Square and try to “gotcha” people who jump the turnstile. Or duck under the turnstile. Or come in through the emergency exit. Or hold the emergency exit open for a parade of shameless teenagers. I mean it’s a free country, of course you can do that if you want, but it’s not going to go well for you. The newsmagazine/show that’s sometimes on at the gym, Inside Edition, tried it though. And well, I stand by what I said before.

In a Poolitzer Prize worthy piece of investigative journalism, IE sent “Chief Investigative Correspondent” Lisa Guerrero into the bowels of the New York subway system to interview the Bleecker Street Rat King only to find he’d been consumed by that mysterious black blob. With nothing better to do, I guess she and her crew decided instead to aggressively confront fare dodgers at Times Square for an exposé on how poor people and kids are bleeding the MTA dry (and not say, gross mismanagement by Governor Cuomo, as Cynthia Nixon implied during her campaign). The results were infuriating, and frankly, hilarious.

Subway fare beaters are costing New York millions — so @InsideEdition decided to confront them. https://t.co/3rGTbAora3 pic.twitter.com/11kj8aRgbN

— Inside Edition (@InsideEdition) February 9, 2019

As you can imagine, as popular as having a microphone shoved in your face by the 4th Charlie’s Angel while you’re trying to get to work in the morning is, it’s still not as popular as letting said Angel and her whole damn operation have it on Twitter. As Lisa’s journalistic peer Maury Povich might say, “Inside Edition, the DNA results are in…You ARE an asshole!”

What's the opposite of a Pulitzer https://t.co/Qs0kDpq25I

— Steadman™ (@AsteadWesley) February 12, 2019

Umm, I already answered that. It’s a Poolitzer.

this woman from that whack exposé inside edition did on ppl who hop the subway has the exact energy we all need pic.twitter.com/aKSsS73BIT

— kyle 🌀 (@kylelop3z) February 12, 2019

yo @insideEdition did all the ppl in this trash ass video sign release forms or nah?

— Desus Nice (@desusnice) February 12, 2019

that inside edition subway news story is so funny to think about because that extremely bougie looking reporter really didnt expect people to step to her, and you know that they only used the footage that made themselves look LEAST pathetic i relish to think of wat else went down

— trenty nineteen (@choujimaru) February 13, 2019

In addition to praise for the New Yorkers who weren’t having any of that bullshit, a few journalists who don’t work for IE offered some much-needed perspective.

The MTA’s operating budget is larger than like the world’s bottom 30 countries entire economies combined.

I promise you it’s not fare evasion that’s responsible for the BILLIONS in mismanaged funds.

— Jules Suzdaltsev (@jules_su) February 12, 2019

Please enjoy this incredible email we received from a teen last night. Apparently, the majority of fare evaders in the Inside Edition segment were 10h graders going to gym class. https://t.co/FCTElypAwE pic.twitter.com/h9vqIcFbtq

— Jake Offenhartz (@jangelooff) February 13, 2019

I understand why IE thought this would make a good story. As a Virgo, I’m very rule-oriented and watching people break the law and get caught often fills me with a feeling of wholeness. As a Californian, I count any day I watch a carpool lane cheater get pulled over as a public holiday and head straight to Party City for streamers and balloons. But I ain’t no snitch. You won’t ever catch me calling the cops (or IE) on some petty shit like this.

Mieka is a staff contributor. You can follow her on Twitter.

Header Image Source: Inside Edition Via Twitter

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