Old School. Biblically Independent.
By Dustin Rowles | Social Media | May 12, 2022
I’m not going to lie; I don’t know anything about the crypto market. I spent an hour trying to make heads or tails of it this morning, and it’s sort of like trying to understand what someone is saying to you in a foreign language. I don’t understand all the words, but I can read facial expressions. I can see anguish. You don’t need to understand crypto-bro speak to understand panic.
Here are a few sentences I ran across this morning:
— Cryptocurrency trading platform Coinbase has lost half its value in the past week, including its biggest one-day drop to date on Wednesday.
— More than $200 billion erased from entire crypto market in a day
— While Bitcoin was down 13% over the past 24 hours, Ether, the second-largest crypto, dropped 23% … A brutal selloff in cryptocurrencies has seen some $600 billion in digital asset market capitalization wiped away in a week. (In November, Bitcoin was worth $67,553; now it’s worth less than $30,000).
— Dogecoin price is on the verge of a 70% downturn (I recognize “Dogecoin” is the currency that Elon Musk was going to allow Twitter users to use on the platform).
— Bitcoin’s 50% crash erases all of Elon Musk’s gains on Tesla balance sheet
Mostly, though, I know that crypto is crashing for two reasons: 1) Because Ben McKenzie — the former O.C. star who has launched a second career as a crypto skeptic — is making jokes:
Hey do you guys remember cryptocurrency
— Ben McKenzie (@ben_mckenzie) May 11, 2022
— Ben McKenzie (@ben_mckenzie) May 12, 2022
… and 2) because Twitter is mocking Matt Damon, who was featured in a crypto ad that aired during the Super Bowl. This year. Three months ago.
Look what happened to people who took Matt Damon's investment advice right now. Which is why—and this should be obvious to even small children— you should never take investment advice from celebrities.
— Stephen Diehl (@smdiehl) May 12, 2022
If someone is trying to sell you something that's too good to be true, it is.
If you bought $1000 of a bitcoin ETF when Matt Damon's "Fortune Favors the Brave!" crypto ad premiered on October 28 last year, you would now have $554. pic.twitter.com/qgeVmGYZw7
— Jon Schwarz (@schwarz) May 9, 2022
Matt Damon has learned his lesson
— New York Times Pitchbot (@DougJBalloon) May 12, 2022
by Susan Collins
When Matt Damon bought a zoo did you all go out and buy zoos too? Sheesh.
— Mr. Newberger (@jeremynewberger) May 12, 2022
Crypto crash so bad Matt Damon grew a moustache and is hiding out in the 1940s. pic.twitter.com/qv23NQDDK0
— The Mayor of Online (@VVichelangelo) May 12, 2022
You have no right to be angry with Matt Damon!! He’s cute as a button, and he made it absolutely clear he was available for a price when he signed up for The Great Wall. pic.twitter.com/2IVzRwYzsN
— Whitney Baker (@TotemMacro) May 12, 2022
Matt Damon’s crypto shill ad should’ve been called Bourne Yesterday
— Damon Agnos (@damonagnos) May 11, 2022
It’s probably just a market correction. I’m sure things will be better today!
