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HardRockNick.png

Hard Rock Nick : Will You Be My Valentine?

By Kate Hudson | Social Media | February 14, 2019 |

By Kate Hudson | Social Media | February 14, 2019 |


HardRockNick.png

It’s Valentine’s Day, everyone. And yes, I’m single because Chris Evans refuses to return my calls, and John Cusack has turned out to be really f-ing intense Bernie Bro on Twitter so even Con Air can’t get him out of it, this time. Oh well, not to worry, because Hard Rock Nick is single too, so I still have a shot at real love.

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All this and a big dick too. #maybachmusic

A post shared by Nicholas Rock Johannsen (Nick) (@hardrocknick) on

Who is Hard Rock Nick, you might ask? (Clearly you’ve not been keeping up with Pajiba Love if that’s the case, because we’ve mentioned him here before.)

Hard Rock Nick is a modern day lothario. A Prince without a princess. A man above men, frozen in time, waiting for true love’s drunken Four Lokos induced donkey punch to finally land in his nads and in his heart.

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#tbt just two filthy rich dudes chillin in Las Vegas on a weeknight back in 2012.

A post shared by Nicholas Rock Johannsen (Nick) (@hardrocknick) on

He’s also “mega rich” (by his own, unverified admission) and sometimes has his facial beard cut into a bastardized Union Jack. Also, he has a YouTube channel and called ladies c*nts, because he’s a catch, ok?!?!?!

Why won’t we ladies just let him be great?!

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FUCK WILL SMITH! THIS JUST IN!!! THE PEOPLE WANT HARDROCKNICK TO BE THE GENIE! SIGN THE PETITION AND PROTEST THE MOVIE UNTIL ITS REMADE WITH ME IN IT! FUCK YEAH! #bornfuckingstar

A post shared by Nicholas Rock Johannsen (Nick) (@hardrocknick) on

Look, I’m 34 years old, have an elderly cat, and a very real room in my home entirely devoted to dolls because I don’t like to sleep alone in the dark. To say people are beating down the door to get a shot with me would be an almost criminal understatement. Yet it all feels empty somehow.

I now know what’s been missing in my life all this time is Hard Rock Nick.

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To my new and old Instagram friends and followers who may not know me well: My name is Nick, Big Dick Nick for long. I'm a bad boy with money, lots of money and just enough smarts to keep getting richer every year. I like yummy food, barely legal pussy, all things luxury and I don't believe in body hair. Welcome to a closer look into my world. Feel free to look around. Oh and hey, thanks for following the hottest page on the gram. #selfie

A post shared by Nicholas Rock Johannsen (Nick) (@hardrocknick) on


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Yeah, I don’t like body hair on me or the women I bust nuts inside of. #ishaveitall#youshouldtoo

A post shared by Nicholas Rock Johannsen (Nick) (@hardrocknick) on

…his taste in pizza is lacking, though.

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My favorite pizza of all time. And this is my favorite location right down the road from Google headquarters in Newport Beach. #roundtablepizza

A post shared by Nicholas Rock Johannsen (Nick) (@hardrocknick) on


So Nick, if you’re out there and are willing to take a chance on love on a woman whose debt is more than her credit score…I’m here…



Kate is a staff contributor. You can follow her on Twitter.


Header Image Source: Hard Rock Nick Instagram


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