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Everyone Relax: Lauren from Fordham Has Been Found

By Dustin Rowles | Social Media | October 7, 2015 |

By Dustin Rowles | Social Media | October 7, 2015 |

I know that many of you have spent the last 24 sleepless, stressful hours wondering if Lauren from Fordham had been reunited with the student ID that Tom Hanks had found in the park and was holding hostage until Lauren notified his office. Would she be able to get into her student dormitory in the meantime? Would the Fordham dining hall allow her to eat without her ID. Would she be able to attend classes? Visit her friends in the other dorm halls?

Or would poor Lauren, left without an identity, be reduced to dropping out of school, sleeping on the street, and selling her hair to support an eventual addiction to heroin?

You can all put your mind at ease now! Lauren has been found. While she has not yet made contact with Mr. Hanks office and given in to their extortion, she has managed to scrape together enough money — probably through a Kickstarter campaign — to replace her identification, which she lost when she removed her phone from her armband to take a picture.

A picture of what remains the mystery that may never be solved (unless you watch this clip), but at least we can take solace in the fact that Lauren from Fordham is OK now, safe in the Good Morning America studios. In fact, GMA has apparently offered to pick up the tab for Lauren’s new ID, out-nicing the master of nice.

The You’ve Got Mail pun that the Good Morning America anchor makes in this clip, however, is cause for immediate termination.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.