It’s a slow news day as the news cycle creaks back after a long vacation, so what better way to kill time than dunking on Elon Musk using the very tool for which he paid $44 billion? Today’s edition: The bedside table he apparently thought was worthy of a brag:
My bedside table pic.twitter.com/sIdRYJcLTK— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) November 28, 2022
Oh no, Elon. From what we can gather, his bedside table contains four caffeine-free Diet Cokes, a Revolutionary War-era pistol, and a handgun (3D-printed) from some obscure video game or novel series. A lot of Divorced Dad energy here. All that’s missing is a hand-pump lubricant and a box of tissue.
Twitter’s got jokes, many of which center on the fact that Elon drinks diet, caffeine-free soda, which only exists to wear away one’s tooth enamel.
The actual richest man on Earth drinks Caffeine-free Diet Coke, objectively the worst drink ever conceived.— Euan Yours (@EuanYours) November 28, 2022
Caffeine-free Diet Coke, for when you want to drink a bunch of fucked-up chemicals but you don't want to enjoy any aspect of it— Danny Bowes (@bybowes) November 28, 2022
Caffeine Free Diet Coke, absolute sicko pervert shit. https://t.co/sXa3LcsXMY— Academician Prokhor Zakharov (@Shake1n1bake) November 28, 2022
I’ll give him credit. He’s single-handedly doing a huge service in dismantling the ridiculous worship of rich people. Kudos Sad Caffeine Free Diet Coke Drinking billionaire. Please recycle.— Fred Wellman (@FPWellman) November 28, 2022
Half a dozen empty coke cans and replica guns? Elon Musk’s bedside table resembles that of a 15 year old in 1996 who spent all the money grandma gave him for his birthday in the Franklin Mint catalog, next year it will be swords— jump aside (@JodiesJumpsuit) November 28, 2022
that bedside table photo might be the most try hard image ever posted on this site unironically— New York Lonely Boy (@PrettyBadLefty) November 28, 2022
Folks, if you see this on the bedside table of a guy you were thinking of fucking, DO NOT FUCK THEM. https://t.co/G3RG2p2xfw— VoidBurger (AKA Jess) 🍔🎮 (@VoidBurger) November 28, 2022
This is the bedside table of a serial killer https://t.co/zS5vwGcDyZ— Jeremy Appel (@JeremyAppel1025) November 28, 2022
(Before I started posting silhouettes and barely visible images of Donald Trump’s hideous visage in articles about the former President, I used to replace all photos of Trump with images of Kate Beckinsale. I’ve seen a number of people request that Elon Musk get his own header photo substitute, as well. I have chosen Lee Pace, with apologies to Lee Pace.)