It’s early March. The Oscars have come and gone. Guillermo Del Toro nabbed Best Director! Lonely Island had a pretty great tune lined up for the show that unfortunately we never got to see get fully developed. And we’re still parsing just exactly what the significance of this yearly ritual is.
But above all else—
This was the most liked Instagram post from the night:
That’s Ansel ‘Baby Driver’ Elgort, from Baby Driver, taking a selfie with some guys who weren’t in Baby Driver, but who were in the Best Adapted Screenplay winner, Call Me By Your Name—Timothée Chalamet and Armie Hammer.
Sometimes, pictures make you think. This one made me think two things:
1. Armie Hammer looks like he’s preparing for an Upper Class Twit of the Year re-enactment:
2. Hammer, Chalamet, Elgort—Holy shit, just how much American upper class can you stuff into one frame?!
‘Hammer, Chalamet & Elgort’ sounds like the poshest law firm in Manhattan. ‘Hammer, Chalamet & Elgort’ won’t even think about taking on your case unless you have the papers and artifacts to prove that you’re old money. Did your great-grandfather work the indigenous population of Latin America to their deaths in his gold mine? No? Then kindly fuck off. Oh, but you’ve got the money, you can afford them? Tough shit. Loads of people have money. At ‘Hammer, Chalamet & Elgort’ you pay with blood. Blue blood.
But maybe I’m just going on their names, and that’s unfair. We had an investigation round these parts not long ago, into just how posh American actors are. We missed out these three, so with a bit of help from Wikipedia, let’s have a look.
Hammer was born in Santa Monica, California. His mother, Dru Ann (née Mobley), is a former bank loan officer, and his father, Michael Armand Hammer, owns several businesses, including Knoedler Publishing and Armand Hammer Productions (a film/television production company).
Hammer’s paternal great-grandfather was oil tycoon and philanthropist Armand Hammer.
Jesus Christ, Hammer. You had it hard coming up, huh?
Chalamet was born and raised in Hell’s Kitchen, Manhattan, the son of Nicole Flender, a real estate broker and former Broadway dancer, and Marc Chalamet, an editor for UNICEF.
He has an older sister, Pauline, an actress who lives in Paris.
Chalamet’s maternal uncle is the filmmaker Rodman Flender; his aunt is television producer and writer Amy Lippman, and his maternal grandfather was the screenwriter Harold Flender.
Wow, Chalamet. Must’ve been tough for you to crack the industry.
Elgort was born in Manhattan. His parents are Arthur Elgort, a fashion photographer who has worked extensively for Vogue for over thirty years, and Grethe Barrett Holby, an opera director.
And they say there’s no room for working class actors anymore!
Anywho, one thing then led to another and I fell down the rabbit hole that is Ansel Elgort’s (who, incidentally, DJ’s under the name ‘AnsÃ¸lo’) Instagram page, and I was captivated. I’m not exactly what you’d call a fan of Mr Elgort’s work. Out of his movies I’ve only seen Baby Driver—which, technical brilliance aside, I liked a lot less than I hoped I would, and in which Elgort was perfectly fine. But nevertheless, for reasons completely shrouded in mystery to me, I found myself oddly entranced by his page and the things happening there.
Things like this:
And also this:
There was this:
Indeed how could I look away when this:
Was happening at the same time as this (in the Lost in Translation bar!):
I can’t remember the last time I scrolled so much for no apparent reason.