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What If 'Fifty Shades Of Grey' Starred Linda Belcher?

By Kristy Puchko | Videos | June 1, 2015 |

By Kristy Puchko | Videos | June 1, 2015 |

Add this bizarre stage reading to the reasons we’d love to get loopy with Linda Belcher of Bob’s Burgers.

Internet star turned voice artist John Roberts and his Bob’s Burgers co-star Larry Murphy read an “iconic” scene from Fifty Shades of Grey at Vulture’s Festival.

WARNING: This video is NSFW because buttplugs.

There’s so much to love here, from Roberts’ apparent lack of rehearsal (“Did I say rape? Roooooope!”), his pronunciation of “vaginal,” to Murphy’s unflappable Teddy Grey, to the asides Alex Borstein shoots, awkwardly seated between the two readers. My only complaint, I wish Roberts had wedged an “Alriiiiiiiiight” in there somewhere.

I’m really hoping the people at Bob’s Burgers animate this bizarre crossover. I mean, it wouldn’t be the weirdest thing they’ve done. That’d be The National holiday video.

Or maybe when Tina fronted a Sleater-Kinney video:

Kristy Puchko wants us to Kickstart a Bob’s Burgers reboot of Fifty Shades over that dreaded sequel.

Kristy Puchko is the film editor of Pajiba. You can follow her on Twitter.