Well Now I'm Absolutely Terrified

By Petr Navovy | Videos | October 17, 2018 |

By Petr Navovy | Videos | October 17, 2018 |

As depressingly grey and sodden as this island adrift in the North Atlantic can be, I’m often quite grateful that Britain is the place where I live. I mean, sure, we have the Tories, but we can always vote those out. In theory. What you can’t vote out is gigantic clock spiders, or monstrous crab abominations, or extreme weather events. We don’t have any of those, and we’re quite smug about it. No weird weather, no Lovecraftian creepy crawlies, no big toothed game. Let the rest of the world deal with that! We’ll watch clips of it at the pub. In Britain, the most deadly parasites we have are the aristocracy and the internationalist capitalist class that squats over the City of London like the spider at the end of Villeneuve’s Enemy. But still: At least there’s no mad nature!

Yet.

Because it is coming. Billionaire and business-made climate change is most going to devastate the millions least equipped to handle it in the Global South, but it will hit everyone to some degree. Smug Britain will not escape. It won’t be too long before we start seeing extreme weather events. And let me tell you: London, one of the capitals of the world, completely shuts down in the winter when—shock! horror! stunned surprise!—a few millimetres of snow actually settles on the ground one day in late January.

So I don’t even wanna think what’s gonna happen when the tornadoes come a-knockin’. Because not only are they a devastating uppercut from Gaia, she can also apparently land one on you in such a way that you don’t even see it coming: