Who Won 'Dancing with the Stars' Last Night?

Here’s the first thing I want to say about last night’s Dancing with the Stars finale: Three hours is too long. I appreciate that the show has gained a major foothold with Gen Z, but Gen Z doesn’t have the attention span for a three-hour finale, and in many school districts, kids still have school today.

Also, Gen X isn’t thrilled with a three-hour finale, either. Each couple had to perform three times, which is an insane amount of rehearsal to put the dancers through in one week. The freestyle was necessary (and amazing on all counts), and the Instant Dance Challenge was weirdly a lot of fun. But the judges’ choice was unnecessary.

More to the point: A third performance was unnecessary because, barring some major catastrophe (and given the degree of difficulty, a major catastrophe was possible), the outcome of the finale was probably preordained. There was a clear audience favorite — and there’s been a clear audience favorite all season long — and because the judges, save for Carrie Ann Inaba, are people-pleasers who are apparently terrified to give anyone anything less than a 10 for fear of alienating the crowd, it was clearly going to come down to the audience vote. And the audience loves Robert Irwin.

Hell, I love Robert Irwin. I put most of my votes on him. He’s a bloody ray of sunshine. He even got a New York Times profile over the weekend that spoke at length about his positive masculinity. But he was not the best dancer in the finale. That was Alix Earle, who had a perfect score on the night (90 out of 90) and deserved it. Nor did he turn in the best showstopper in the freestyle. That was Jordan Chiles, who gave the best performance of the season. Chiles actually outperformed her pro dancer in that round. It was jaw-dropping.

She got a 30 out of 30 for that performance, which was the same score everyone got in that round. But when the judges give Elaine Hendrix a 30 out of 30 for what was a cute but not particularly challenging performance, they leave no room to separate the very best performances from the rest.

I’ll grant, however, that I wouldn’t have been able to give Dylan Efron less than a perfect score, either. His freestyle performance was the best thing he did all season, though his partner, Daniella Karagach, carries a lot of his performances, taking full advantage of Efron’s strength and her acrobatics. His performance weirdly reminded me of Rob Mac’s in It’s Always Sunny. It was touching.

Alix Earle’s final performance was likewise outstanding. All of her performances are outstanding. Alix Earle was the best, most consistent dancer of the season. The only problem with Alix Earle was that she didn’t have the story that some of the other contestants had. She doesn’t come from wildlife conservationist royalty; she didn’t star in Parent Trap; she doesn’t have a famous brother to outshine; and she doesn’t have an Olympic past. That she came in close second speaks to just how great a dancer she is, because she had very little backstory for the audience to attach to. But good lord, she could dance.

But drop-dead gorgeous and insanely talented does not win Dancing with the Stars. Being insanely likable, coming from Australian and Dancing with the Stars royalty, and connecting with the hearts of America is what wins DWTS. Being a very good dancer helps, too. And Irwin crushed it. The competition was his to lose coming in, and he did nothing to lose it. That man is a walking crowd-pleaser.

I was happy for him, though simultaneously crushed for Alix Earle and Jordan Chiles, who turned in better finale-night performances and deserved the Mirrorball Trophy every bit as much. After an insanely fun season as a first-time viewer, I have only a handful of complaints that viewers have probably been making since the beginning: The judges are not critical enough (it’s a competition!) because they’re afraid of the audience; the votes carry too much weight; and three hours is just way too long. But my dance vocabulary has expanded, I’ve gained a newfound appreciation for the art, and I had a spectacular time spending Tuesday nights watching the show with my daughters.

Final Standings
5. Elaine Hendrix & Alan Bersten
4. Dylan Efron & Daniella Karagach
3. Jordan Chiles & Ezra Sosa
2. Alix Earle & Val Chmerkovskiy
1. Robert Irwin & Witney Carson