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'Vanderpump Rules', Bravo Breakdown: Tom Juan, Charles Manson, and The Puppy Shower Flyer

By Kate Hudson | TV | April 9, 2019 |

By Kate Hudson | TV | April 9, 2019 |


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Vanderpump Rules

Ah, the Mexico trip that wouldn’t end has sadly come to an end. There was no more “Yellow Robe Smith” or TomKat fighting—no, we ended on a slightly boring note, if I’m being honest.

So what did happen in Mexico before our intrepid crew flew back to America to terrorize the streets of WeHo once more?

Well, Lala is not in a good place and because the VPR group is kind of awful, they’re not particularly supportive on that front. Shout out to Scheana for trying to create a storyline by bashing Lala to Ariana and Sandoval, when about 4 minutes before, she was telling Lala that she loved her and was her friend as they shared a moment in the pool.

Anyway, Lala was having an anxiety attack at dinner, and had a weird way of dealing with it, which entailed having her friends squeeze her hands as tight as they could, pet her face, which is…I mean, fine?? No, the weird part came when she tried to get Stassi to tell her she looked like s*it and was a bad person.

Friends, I’m going to take off my gleeful trash TV hat and become a person here and say that the things we saw from Lala at that dinner had no entertainment value and I wish that the producers had cut it, and quietly encouraged Lala to seek some professional help. Asking friends to belittle you, in public, surrounded by your social group is not healthy, and I hope Lala finds some peace because that was tough to watch.

Back to trash: Schwartz realized that he never instigates sex with Katie (I dunno, maybe it’s because she frequently tells him he has a small d*ck? Although according to Schwartz it’s a “classic p*nis” whatever that means.) So he takes it upon himself to romance her on their last night in town. That entails calling up room service to get all their junk food delivered up to him, so that he can lay a strewn path of rose petals and Cheetos to their bed, which of course has more rose petals and Cheetos on top of it. The best part? He gets the violinist from the resort to hide in the shower, and a “meow” from Tom is the signal for her to come out of the shower and play for these two dingbats. Friends, I nearly died when Tom started meowing and Katie meowed back, because it was clear this is a way they communicate to each other and oh my god how is that real?!!?!?

Anyway, that’s about all that happened in Mexico, save for Brittany and Jax going over who was invited to their engagement party, and who wasn’t. Notably left off that list? Jax’s mom, Billie Lee, and DJ James Kennedy. Personally, I think Jax may regret only one of the three. (His mom. The other two are walking disasters.)

Which brings us to Billie Lee. Oh, Billie, Billie, Billie. Look, I truly believe that these conversations/fights she has legitimately triggers her, but I also believe that Billie Lee is a total a*shole, too. So, she picked a fight with Queen Lisa over having DJ James Kennedy DJ her white party brunch because he “has amazing energy,” which, lol, nope! Lisa gave her one glance and shot it down, then Billie Lee lost her s*it, because she’s clearly trying to get full-time status on next year’s season. Lisa refused to budge an inch and rightfully chewed her a*s out because you can’t talk to your boss that way, especially while you’re at work. Billie tried to make it about Lala being a b*ch (who, btw, comically only wore a glorified bra as a top to host at SUR, which Lala, don’t ever change) and Lisa wasn’t having that, either.

It just wasn’t Billie’s night, because Scheana decided to let her know that Billie also wasn’t invited to Jax and Britney’s engagement party (Scheana, surprisingly, is) because she’s been doggedly standing up for DJJK all season so why would she expect an invite?! Billie is obviously crushed, but Billie doesn’t seem to see the correlation between her actions and everyone else’s reactions. She seems to think everyone is just ganging up on her because she’s different, which I believe Billie believes, but I also believe not to be the motivation from the group. Let’s also be really honest—the only person who films with Billie outside of SUR this season is DJJK, which I suspect is a motivating factor behind her stance. I feel sorry for Billie, but I also wish she’d just stop.

This all leads me to my favorite sub-plot of the night, which is Raquel and her dumb puppy-shower, which NO ONE wants to go to. It was kind of glorious to see her approach, and get shot down by, each member of the group. Jax’s reaction to a puppy shower, in particular, was spectacular, and I kind of love how no one pretended to be interested in going. You know it’s a dumb idea when even Britany can’t accommodate you. It’s also very clear that this party was dreamt up by DJJK and Raquel to give them a storyline in the show, and it’s also very clear that attendance is not mandated by the production (unlike the Mexico trips that Scheana, inexplicably, still gets invited to) so no one is going to go. The machinations are so obvious and yet so pathetic that I cackled with glee. Especially when Stassi compared Raquel to a Charles Manson fan-girl and Raquel had no idea who Charles Manson was. It was even better when Raquel, in her talking head, mentioned how unsupported her dog felt by everyone. Just, chef’s kiss of perfection for that whole thing. Here’s a copy of the flyer those dummies created, unironically.

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We’re nearing the end of this season of Vanderpump Rules, and I’ve mentioned in previous comments on recaps that this season lacks the sparkle of previous ones—I am, however, hopeful for next season because it will undoubtedly be centered around Jax and his wedding, who is the best person to revolve a season around.

Side note: we got a scene in Vanderpump Dogs this ep. They are so clearly warming us up to a spin-off, aren’t they?

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Well, Lisa and Kyle had their fight, and holy cats, did this season backfire on everyone ganging up on Lisa. Is anyone team Richards on this?

I mean Ken asked her to leave repeatedly and she refused to budge. I don’t blame him for kicking her a*s out and yelling at her in the process. Seeing Lisa greet Kyle with joy on her face, while we knew why Kyle was there was pretty gross, too. Anyway. I’m only half-heartedly watching this train wreck now. Call me when they shake up the cast. Keep Lisa, ditch the rest.

Real Housewives of New York

Didn’t even watch the last episode. Was it good?

Southern Charm

Anyone have thoughts on this. I’ve never seen it, but it looks dumb aka worth my time. Is it?

That’s all for this week—share your thoughts in the comments and we’ll be back next week because I’m riding this straight to hell, aka the reunion episodes for VPR.



Kate is a staff contributor. You can follow her on Twitter.


Image sources (in order of posting): Bravo/YouTube, Bravo/YouTube


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