Tom Brady Can't Take A Joke Even When He's Paid To

Roasts are dreadful. I mean, specifically, the kind of “Comedy Central” Roasts that have been festering on television screens for over two decades. A room full of celebrities, some who know each other and some who don’t, trade pre-written (by someone else) barbs aimed at being the most shocking, offensive, or cruel. A “guest of honor” takes most of the heat while the guests catch strays. They’re gross, and often go too far, and for some reason, Tom Brady thought he could handle that.

Full disclosure: I didn’t even know this was happening. This kind of roast isn’t affiliated with Comedy Central anymore. Netflix took the idea and “Roastmaster” Jeff Ross and added Tom Brady. The result is The Greatest Roast of All Time, which aired live on Netflix last night. The Roastmaster arrived to do his thing and quickly got on Brady’s bad side.

Ross told a brief story about Brady meeting New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft. “So Tom became a Patriot and moved up to New England, and on the first day of training camp, that scrawny rookie famously walked into the owner Robert Kraft’s office and said, ‘I’m the best decision your organization has ever made. Would you like a massage?’” Ross told the sizeable crowd. Kraft faced misdemeanor charges for soliciting prostitutes at a day spa in 2019.

The crowd winced and laughed. Brady is smiling his big, $100 million smile at first. Then he gets out of his seat and “whispers” in Ross’s ear. “Don’t say that s*** again,” Brady says, pretty much into the mic. He also tries to cover his mouth with his hand for a moment, like he doesn’t want people to know what he says, then speaks at almost full volume. I put whisper in quotes because I do think that’s what he was trying to do. It just didn’t work out.

I’m not surprised he couldn’t take it. In the past, these roasts were done in front of, at most, 4000 people. I’m sure he saw those darkly lit rooms and thought, “I can handle it.” This special was filmed at the Kia Forum in LA, which seats 17,505 people. That’s a lot more! Brady is no stranger to packed stadiums, but this is a different kinda crowd. Brady doesn’t have a defensive line to protect him. Everyone’s there to watch him get clowned on, and he broke early.

Tom Brady was not happy about Jeff Ross massage joke about him and Robert Kraft 😂 pic.twitter.com/WlAs3cHoTn

— Coby’s Gambling Corner (@CobyValentine24) May 6, 2024