Out of all the Netflix shows I’ve watched, The Umbrella Academy stuck with me the best. Just quirky enough to work, this family of superpowered children adopted by a distant, cold scientist started out as a fascinating look at how celebrity and trauma screwed up these kids as badly as any child actor before segueing into betrayal, adolescent love, daddy issues, and time travel. Vanya Hargreeves (Elliot Page) thought themselves powerless, the black sheep of the family, only to become the first season’s Big Bad. During a brief moment of sanity and redemption, Vanya tried to undo their mistake only to blast the family into the distant past, where they fell in love with the housewife mom of a superpowered child. Five, the only one able to travel through the timeline with any degree of control, started working with The Handler before an inevitable double-cross. Luther worked with Jack Ruby. Allison got involved in the Civil Rights movement, and also married a man from that time period. Klaus founded a sex cult, which if I’m being honest is probably what I’d do too, while ghost Ben kept him company. And poor Diego, followed by bad luck wherever he goes, ended up in a mental asylum for trying to save JFK from assassination. And then they all bamfed back only to find their father alive, other people living in their home, and the Umbrella Academy now the Sparrow Academy.
That’s a very brief summation of 2 very complicated seasons of television that hopefully avoids most spoilers. I’m definitely in need of a rewatch before the new season begins. And what is on deck for season 3?
I’m guessing the Sparrow Academy was named after the girl who sprouts birds from her back? More importantly, our original timeline heroes have, once again, caused a paradox, which in turn made a Kugelblitz. This is not, unfortunately, a delicious regional pastry but the end of all existence if it isn’t stopped by the end of the workweek. That’s if they can deal with their new dickhead “siblings” that include a living Ben with his super creepy powers. Viktor, though, has ended the world twice now, so I have to assume the Sparrows remain outgunned. Here’s hoping he can undo whatever it is he did because we’ve already seen a universe end this year. Umbrella Academy season 3 begins June 22.