I’ll admit it: I’m not too sure where Ryan Murphy is going with this season. First he hit us over the head with it’s-hard-to-be-a-freak-feelings; we’re all freaks and we just want to be loved. Got it. Then he gave us a peek behind the masks. Sad backstories, and killer ghosts. Now we’ve got the overt gays and the secret gays and the angry gays and the killer gays…and the dead gay prostitute, but where’s it all leading? And will we still care? (Another not-too-sure vote from me.)
“Pink Cupcakes” was alternately entertaining and boring, amusing and horrifying and musically, both great and awful. I don’t know if it’s just me, but can we stop with the singing, please? I don’t mind one Name Game sort of moment per season, but this thing with Jessica has gone too far.
As some feared, the loss of Twisty was indeed a devastating one, and where John Carroll Lynch’s silent routine charmed in between killings, Finn Wittrock’s Dandy has left us curled up in a corner, collectively sucking our thumbs. But, before the horrifying ending, there were some random whackadoodie moments — let’s have a look:
1. Gloria Mott Finds Dora Dead, and Grounds Dandy, Who Gives Himself a Pep Talk. After Having a Garden Built to Bury Dora, Dandy Blames Gloria for His Proclivities (We Find out His Daddy Hung Himself).
“I wanted to be an actor. None of this would have happened if you had let me.” Um, I’m thinking maybe you still would have been a homicidal maniac.
2. Jimmy Cries Over Meep’s Death; Desiree Responds with a Come-On…Later, Finds out She’s His Step-Mother.
Never mind your dead friend, stop that sobbing and “Make me feel something, Jimmy!” (I’ll have the claw, please?)
On the plus side, I adore Ethel’s doctor, who delivered Desiree both good and bad news: You had a miscarriage; you’re 100% woman (able to bear children — just not with Jimmy, please?). “But what about my ding-a-ling? THAT’S NO DING-A-LING…
3. Elsa Puts on Her Make-Up to Bowie’s Fame.
Though at first she said she’d “…rather be boiled in oil than be on television,” Elsa quickly changes her mind. All right, Stanley, I’m ready for my close-up. For me, this (Bryan Ferry was grand, too!) was the episode’s standout musical moment.
4. Stanley Fantasizes His Own Kind of Freak Show.
I rather enjoyed Stanley’s fantasies…and Bette and Dot’s stubborn refusal to eat his delicious-looking pink cupcakes.
5. Dell’s a Slave to Love…But, Not to His Wife, to Matt Bomer’s Artist/Prostitute Andy.
Can’t say as I blame him. Honestly though, this scene (and a couple others) felt like it was just thrown in as an aside to get us back to Twisty’s bus (I kinda wish this season was called American Horror Story: Twisty’s Bus, where…
6. Dandy Kills Andy in a Most Spectacularly Horrible Way.
“I have an idea. Let’s turn our backs to each other, you take off your clothes, I’ll take off mine, on the count of three we turn back around. Whatever magic happens, happens.” NOOOOO. “How can you still be alive?” (“Please kill me.”) Guys, that almost made me horf.
7. Elsa Delivers Dot and Bette to the Mott House of Horrors.
Well, I can’t say I’m sorry? Bette and Dot are by far the worst characters Murphy has given Sarah Paulson to play, and it looks like he’s as anxious to be rid of them as I am. Here’s lookin’ at you, Dandy.
Gabourey Sidibe’s first appearance was disappointing; nothing more than a phone call? Hopefully she’s on her way to Jupiter, soon. Bomer was great, and I wish he’d have stuck around a little longer. Oh, and rumor has it Twisty (and Edward) will return (though I’m not sure how).
Wittrock and Frances Conroy acted the fuck out of this episode, the visuals were at times gorgeous (Morbidity museum, Mott house, Elsa’s tent) and the soundtrack damned good. Is it enough to keep you around?