Old School. Biblically Independent.
By Dustin Rowles | TV | February 10, 2025
In some ways, blue America got the Super Bowl we wanted: Philadelphia demolished Kansas City, the sitting president left early to go cancel the penny, and Kendrick Lamar — what butthurt MAGA bros called a “DEI halftime” — put the nail in the coffin of Drake’s career. Despite the blowout, I found the Super Bowl oddly satisfying.
Except for the ads. Super Bowl ads are probably like SNL episodes — we forget 90 percent of them, only remember the best 10 percent, and let those few shape our nostalgia. I’m sure most ads suck every year, but this year felt especially bad. If you thought crypto ads were rough, wait until you see AI ads bragging about helping you parent, somehow designed to tug at your heartstrings.
There were some real stinkers this year. I don’t want to run down the entire list of the worst, but it would likely be dominated by the Levy family — Dan with the Homes.com ads and Eugene with the detachable facial hair, a gag that was inexplicably duplicated in another ad for a completely different product by Nick Offerman and Andy Reid. No thank you. The only thing creepier was watching Seal debase himself by performing in the form of a… seal. Have some respect, man!
Meanwhile, I love Michael Shannon. I have no idea why he was in a Ritz ad with Aubrey Plaza and Bad Bunny. What demo were they trying to appeal to? Likewise, Barry Keoghan reprised his role from a fairly small (though Oscar-nominated) art film, Banshees of Inisherin, for a Super Bowl audience. What was Squarespace thinking? If you’re going to spend $8 million to air an ad during the Super Bowl, maybe hire some marketing professionals to help tailor your message. Like, why hire Chris Hemsworth and Chris Pratt if the latter is almost unrecognizable wearing Ray-Bans?
Despite years of disappointment, maybe my expectations were still too high because even the best ads felt underwhelming. Nevertheless, here were my favorites:
5. Michelob Ultra — The last people on Earth I would expect to see drinking Michelob are Catherine O’Hara and Willem Dafoe, and they are also the last people I would expect to see dominate in a game of pickleball. That’s probably why this ad worked so well: The tongue-in-cheek love of pickleball makes the pitch for cheap, sh**ty beer seem tongue in cheek, too.
5 (tie). Jeep — Somehow, Harrison Ford has only gotten more endearing late in his career, and while I don’t think it was super intentional, his patriotic, middle-of-the-road Jeep ad also felt like a not-so-subtle dig at the current president. “Real heroes are humble; they’re not driven by pride.” Also, that electric Jeep looks pretty snazzy (and also way outside my price range).
4. Coors Light — The sloths’ gag was thoroughly exhausted to hilarious effect in Zootopia, but at least with the crowd I was with, this one got the biggest laughs of the night. Super Bowl ad makers should probably take noisy SB parties into account and make more visually funny ads that work even if half the room is talking over them.
3. Dunkin — I am a total sucker for Ben Affleck’s Dunkin ads — I am the exact demo for them — and while the chopped-up versions that played during the Super Bowl and online have been fun, the seven-minute ad is fantastic, not only because of Jeremy Strong’s extended bit as a method actor (does Jeremy Strong have a sense of humor? Or is it just his agent?), but also for the random presence of Bill Belichick and his twenty-something girlfriend, Jordan Hudson, as well as Jay and Silent Bob. Oh, and for good measure, Donnie Wahlberg makes a brief appearance at the end because why not?
2. Stella Artois — And yet, I thought Matt Damon bested Ben in the 2025 Super Bowl ad wars, appearing as David Beckham’s long-lost twin brother, Other David. This one actually doubles as a Ben Affleck diss track by the end. What do we think of grey, beardy Matt Damon, anyway? God, we’re getting old.
1. Totino’s Pizza Rolls — I suggested it was a frontrunner for the best ad of the night a few days ago, and ultimately, I thought it was, though the competition was somewhat lacking.
