You know, I was wrapping up my recap just as news of the unthinkable landed in my lap: Supernatural is going to be coming to an end next season.
Hey #SPNFamily here’s a little message from @JensenAckles @mishacollins and me. I’m so grateful for the family that’s been built because of the show. Excuse me while i go cry. pic.twitter.com/QDXDsAyIfK— Jared Padalecki (@jarpad) March 22, 2019
I don’t know who is trying harder not to cry right now, Padalecki or ME. I know I joke about how this show never dies, but like… I was also being completely serious? Still, at least we still have a whole new season ahead of us to enjoy, and at 15 seasons this will be the CW’s longest-running scripted original series, which is a pretty incredible legacy. Unless, of course, this is all a fake out and the channel is just going to surprise resurrect it for a 16th season because seriously, you think cancellation is gonna keep the Winchesters down?!
Uh, so anyway… back to the recap…
Our boys are trying to adjust to the new status quo this week, now that Jack’s all juiced up with power again and Sam’s lost his army of other-Earthly hunters. And, as usual, the first order of business is: lying. Sam’s got a line on a mysterious death he wants to investigate, but Dean doesn’t want to bring Jack along until they’re comfortable that the boy can control himself (remember that time he accidentally killed a security guard? Kid just doesn’t know his own strength). But rather than just, you know, SAYING THAT to Jack, Dean tells him he’s gotta guard the bunker and, oh yeah, do you mind hitting the store while we’re gone?
As far as lies go, it’s lame. But it’s redeemed by Dean’s shopping list, which consists of: beer, toilet paper, eggs, and beer. Yes, beer’s on there twice. Duh.
So the Winchester boys drive out to investigate a beastie that’s caused 54 people to go missing in a national park since the 1940s — and the latest, a teenage girl, is being written off as the victim a coyote attack. As far as Supernatural cases go, it’s pretty straight-forward: there’s a local sheriff who knows more than he’s letting on, and tries to keep Sam and Dean from investigating. They see a telltale clue on the girl’s body — bite marks that appear to be burned at the edges — and look into their books of lore for an answer. All of it is comfortably familiar, save for the reveal of the monster itself. Which is… gross. And weird.
That is, and I’m going to mangle the spelling so bear with me, a “kohonta” — a creature from Native American lore that’s actually just a man cursed to roam the woods starving for flesh (it’s OK, he deserved it, he was a freakin’ cannibal anyway). Or maybe the writers are just pulling this sh*t out of their asses now and don’t think we’ll catch on. Which is fair, because I was entirely too distracted by trying to decide whether the Monster of the Week looked more like Evil Groot or Angry Swamp Thing to worry about its historical relevance. The reason why the bite marks were burned was because the kohonta… spits up stomach acid when it’s hungry. A detail that mostly just serves to justify why the beast melts into a puddle of said stomach acid when they slay it.
But things were far more interesting back home, where Jack is making friends with the local teens! And not just any teens, but the same trio last seen getting terrorized by the ghost of John Wayne Gacy in the 300th episode (this show, y’all, I swear…). He runs into Stacy, Max and Eliot while he’s doing his shopping in town, and they invite him hang out. Part of it is just being nice to a kid who is so clearly out of touch (boy, if they only KNEW), but part of it is that they’re curious about him, since they’re privy to the whole “The Winchesters are hunters” thing now.
Jack, like any other awkward young person, goes out of his way to try and impress them. Which isn’t hard when you’re the most powerful creature in the universe! Unfortunately he let his powers get a little out of hand, just as Dean feared, and his flying angel blade trick ends with Stacy getting stabbed. He’s quick to heal her, but he can’t fix the fear he’s instilled in his new friends.
Dean and Sam return to tell Jack the truth about why they left him behind, only now it’s Jack left lying about how uneventful his staycation was. Was he also lying when he assured them he’d only use his powers with their permission, or did he learn his lesson? Only time will tell.
— Eliot watching “Ghostfacers” to get his spooky fix was a great callback that also reminded me that we’re overdue for a real Ghostfacers/Winchesters reunion.
— Jack, trying to bond over music with the teenagers: “Dean says any music made after 1979 sucks ass.” It’s official: the Winchesters are old.
— They may be old, but they still got it. Dean telling the sheriff that “We hunt things” was a totally sexy moment, and in an episode all about whether normal people can handle the truth about the darker side of the world or not, I feel like the moral should just be to have Dean tell the truth while smirking and let the hotness overpower the fear and disbelief.
— WILL THE OTHER WINCHESTER BROTHER MAKE IT OUT OF THE PLOT HOLE HE’S BEEN LOST IN FOR LIKE A DECADE, SOMETIME BEFORE THE SHOW ENDS FOR GOOD?!
Header Image Source: The CW