Friends, yesterday in the comments of Dustin’s review of the Mötley Crüe movie that absolutely didn’t need to get made it was requested that we cover a very hard-hitting, complex topic. This message was relayed back to the Overlords on Slack and after everyone else said they were busy this weekend, I was given the fateful and solemn task of bringing this subject to you now. As much as Saturdays are for filling out sweepstake entries, writing angry letters to Bob Barker (he knows what he did) and editing Wikipedia entries for Gerard Butler movies to make sure they’re factual, I can put some of these activities on pause when something’s important, and friends, this is important.
So here it goes, the most important question you can answer today (that is, unless you’re Bob Barker getting my couriered letters, then, well…):
What song needs to turn into a movie?
Now, before you rush to the comments, please understand that the fates have aligned, and we’ve already gotten film versions of Girls Just Want To Have Fun and that ’70s trucker classic, Convoy.
Obviously the Overlords did have some thoughts:
A film about Thursday’s Full Collapse album because it’s just basically about an anarchic revolution.
Additionally, she thought that Murder by Death, Who Will Survive and What Will Be Left of Them would be a GREAT movie. “fighting the devil? as a western? on the mexican border? yes.”
A humble suggestion:
“Tommy and Gina, two blue-collar Democrats with big hopes and few resources, just trying to get by…”
“That damn Crüe movie has me stuck in an era, but …”
“I’m not saying it SHOULD be a movie, but I’m definitely curious what a movie based on Tubthumping would be…”
“This is one of my all-time favorite songs and I want to see it as a Pixar short. That is all.”
“Any song in Faith No More’s entire catalog would work.” [Author’s Note: I just picked the first search result in YouTube, because my musical knowledge is relegated to New Kids on the Block, and novelty songs made about holidays.]
Lover, You Should’ve Come Over by Jeff Buckley
South of Heaven by Slayer
“The woman who directed The Lure is supposed to be making a film out of Bowie’s Outside album. That’s all I want.”
Goodbye, Earl by the Dixie Chicks
Criminal, Fiona Apple. “I’d pay a fair amount of movie to watch a Zoe Kravitz play a faux-apologetic sex goddess.”
“The Decemberist’s The Mariner’s Revenge. Love that song so much and it would make an amazing terrible B movie”
“I’d very much like this to be a movie, but I have no idea what kind other than High Fidelity has already been made.”
“Queensryche - Operation Mindcrime, start to finish”
Kate (aka ME!):
Well, obviously this is the top choice, because as I’ve well established here, I very much enjoy stories of teenage tragedy and death. Dustin pointed out that Eddie and the Cruisers is basically already this song, which then devolved into a 20 minute diatribe from a few of us about how great that movie is. However, I still think a more faithful adaptation that focuses on the woman in the story is needed.
This would be a great rom-com about a crappy dude becoming a good enough person to date a rad chick by getting to know her friends. Also, perhaps he was one of those kids from the forrest that was allegedly raised by wolves or green people, which is why he speaks in nonsensical terms such as “zig-a-zag ah!”
Someone had to say it, I know we’re ALL thinking it…
Ok, it’s your turn: what song needs to be turned into a movie?
Header Image Source: New World Pictures/YouTube