Teyana Taylor Dances Her Way Through a Wildly Inconsistent 'SNL'

Cold Open — The last guy any of us want to see right now is Donald Trump. James Austin Johnson as Trump may be the second-to-last person we want to see. Here, he’s giving out fake awards … to himself. Sarah Sherman’s Aunt Gladys (from Weapons) is pretty good, though. If Mike Myers didn’t return as Elon Musk, I wouldn’t have bothered embedding. Some of you might want to see that. (Score: 3 out of 10)

Teyana Taylor Monologue — Taylor is high energy, I’ll give her that. Also, I had no idea she was on My Super Sweet 16 and really had no idea that she won The Masked Singer? What?! Has anyone ever won The Masked Singer BEFORE their first Oscar nomination? Crazy. (Score: 5 out of 10)

Gate Agents — Teyana and Kenan, as Gate Agents, sing their delay announcements. It’s very silly. Not particularly funny, but very silly. (Score: 5 out of 10)

Toy Commercial — It’s One Battle After Another action figures, with kids very inappropriately replaying scenes and choice quotes from the movie with those action figures. This is good. Horribly inappropriate. But good. (Score: 7.5 out of 10)

NFL on ESPN — There are two jokes in this skit, neither of which is particularly well executed. 1) The analyst keeps promoting a new Hulu show about lesbian chefs, and 2) the sideline reporter played by Taylor completely dismisses the Broncos chances against the Pats because they don’t have a quarterback. Eh. (Watch Here) (Score: 3.5 out of 10)

Confidence Class — Ashley Padilla plays the instructor of a confidence class, and the students completely demolish her confidence by mocking her, her clothes, and her boyfriend. Ugh. (Watch here) (Score: 3 out of 10)

Weekend Update — Geese is the musical guest? They’re just making up bands now. Anyway, can Che and Jost save an otherwise subpar episode? No, not really. Jokes are fine. But right now, we could use some righteous indignation. Or at least more than Che calling ICE “dicks.” Then Marcello Hernandez explains Gen Z lingo. I assume these Gen Z lingo sketches do really well on the viral circuit. Jost’s ability to be uncool saves it. The back-half non-political jokes are much better. And Jeremy Culhane introduces a new character: Mr. Blast. He puts everyone on blast. Mr. Blast probably shouldn’t have made it out of dress rehearsal, although he does remind me of David S. Pumpkins. (Watch Here). (Score: 5.5 out of 10)

Grandpa at the Wedding — Teyana Taylor plays a grandpa (with a very bad bald cap) who gets his freak on on the dance floor. Taylor can dance. It’s a one-joke sketch, but it’s an OK joke. (Score: 5 out of 10)

Backstab Island — Everyone here is cuththroat and no one is here to make friends. Except for the character played by Taylor. She is lonely and just wants to make friends. And that’s the joke. That they run into the ground. (Watch Here) (Score: 3 out of 10)

Beyond the Lines — During the PBS News, the white characters keep talking about how “this isn’t America,” and what’s happening is unprecedented, while the Black characters make noises that suggest that the white people should maybe check their history books again. At least there’s some relevance here! (Score: 6.5 out of 10)

Blowing It — And here, finally, is the Mat sketch of the week. They saved the best for last. Martin Herlihy in a pre-tape about how to get your significant other to break up with you. (Score: 8 out of 10)

Verdict — There are three very good sketches — “Beyond the Lines,” “Blowing It,” and the “One Battle After Another action figures — that basically save an otherwise very bad episode.