Old School. Biblically Independent.
By Dustin Rowles | TV | October 11, 2026
Cold Open — The USS Lincoln returned to San Diego (which our President asked Iran to bomb) after 11 months, and in SNL’s Cold Open, Colin Jost’s Pete Hegseth is there to greet them with fireball nips and tell them how awesome things are back home. Like, public executions are back, “kind of like Scrubs.” It’s a Hegseth/RFK, Jr. sketch, We could all write these in our sleep now. (Score: 4.5 out of 10)
Shane Gillis Monologue — I don’t care how much Lorne likes this guy, nor how decent Tires is, nor if he has a massive comedy following: He sucks at a very specific thing — hosting SNL — and Lorne Michaels is either oblivious to that or does not care. Jokes where he calls the audience fat, says that women at the gym “all dress like wh**es,” name drops Joe Rogan, and says that “you’re either gay or your Hitler, isn’t that where we’re at as a country?” Maybe there are some people who find those “jokes” funny, but he is no more for the SNL audience than Mike Birbiglia is for the Joe Rogan audience. (Score: 2.5 out of 10)
Cop Talk — Gillis plays a cop hosting a talk show and he treats all the guests like he’s pulled them over for a DUI, except the giggly “broad” who is actually drunk and high, with whom he flirts with. There’s enough truth in this one to be marginally funny, but not that funny. (Score: 5.5 out of 10)
My Room Now — It’s a country song about a father at his daughter’s wedding fantasizing about all the awesome things he’s going to do with his daughter’s room after she leaves. Fairly generic until the black mold gets involved and Gillis makes love to Ms. Pac Man. Is that gay? Or Hitler? (Score: 5 out of 10)
Green Eggs and Ham — Honestly, this was a well written sketch about a son trying to stop Sam I am from harassing his father about Green Eggs and Ham because Sam I am is a scammer. If another host had starred in it, it’d have been twice as funny, and they wouldn’t have accidentally dropped an F-bomb (which may have been the best part of the sketch). (Score: 6 out of 10)
Sneakers — It’s the 1920s and they’ve just invented a canvas shoe with a rubber sole that doesn’t clomp around when you walk. Gillis calls them “sneakers,” because you can “sneak around” and “she’ll never hear you.” It’s a shoe for the “creeper market.” And that’s a Shane Gillis sketch, ladies and gentleman! (Watch Here) (Score: 3.5 out of 10)
Upfront Heating and Air Conditioning — OK, fine. This one is good. It’s about AC repair companies, and how all the employees smoke in front of your children, hurt themselves on the job, and get into domestic disputes with their girlfriends in your yard. I feel seen. And this is the Mat sketch of the week, a weekly feature I forgot about because the first two episodes barely had anything that would qualify. (Score: 7 out of 10)
Weekend Update — Che and Jost are less … manic this week, and produce the best police jokes of the season (the ICE jokes were brutal), but the back half jokes are … far less successful. Shark Tank’s Mr. Wonderful explains why he’s building a huge data center in Utah (because he doesn’t live there, he doesn’t care about other people, and he wants to destroy the world) (watch here), and we get a visit from “a mother whose babysitter canceled” to talk about fall activities, and she’s another delightfully deranged Ashley Padilla character. (Score: 6.5 out of 10)
Dying Mother — Gillis plays a son in hospice care who really doesn’t want his mom to die for a few more days because he needs to see Jelly Roll at the Sphere. Teddy Swims might be there. Even “Cool Jesus” gives him permission to miss his mother’s death to see the concert. Ugh. (Watch here) (Score: 3.5 out of 10)
Chess Semifinals — Gillis and Grace Reiter (who has made many appearances in this episode) play the divorced white-trash parents of a kid at a chess tournament, and you can kind of see where this would be going. Reiter makes it work to the extent that it does. (Score: 5 out of 10)
