‘Secret Lives of Mormon Wives’ Star Jen Affleck Does Not Want Your Sympathy

Jen Affleck was the audience favorite on The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, the Hulu show that shook the world last year, for her authenticity and vulnerability. While her peers came off as petty and shallow, Jen was the gal you wanted to hang out with.

Jen’s main storyline and the biggest conflict of the show was the state of her marriage. Her friends thought her husband was emotionally abusive and possessive because he wouldn’t let her do certain things that he felt violated a Mormon wife’s role, and blew up when she did. The cast and viewers of the show attempted to rally around her, convince her she was in a blink-twice situation, and help her leave her husband. Since the end of season one, she’s been quiet on social media (strange for her since it’s her social media following that got her cast on the show in the first place), and when she does post, her husband is absent. Thousands of people flock to her comments section every day, begging her to dump the man.

She did not. And they’re having another baby together.

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The Afflecks announced their pregnancy via People Magazine last week to an onslaught of confused and disapproving reactions. It should be noted that SLMW resident villain, Whitney Leavitt, has been effusively supportive in the comments. Most everyone else, however, has not: saying things like “A friendly reminder that another baby does not fix abuse,” and “Babies are not bandaids.”

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Jen has been responding via her Instagram stories, where she’s opening up about her struggles with postpartum and prenatal depression, as well as the therapeutic process she and her husband have been going through.

Do I think Jen’s husband is emotionally abusive? 100% yes. Do I think he’s the victim of an oppressive and misogynistic religious system as much as she is? Also yes. I don’t pretend that reality television ever tells the whole story, but one thing I do know is that it can make or break a marriage. We’ve seen it happen countless times—cameras capture relationships’ weaknesses much better than their strengths.

But the other thing I know, and I speak from experience, is that you have to let people make their own mistakes and learn their own lessons. You can’t force anyone to divorce their husband, abusive or non. You just have to be there for them when it all falls apart, but you better be crossing your fingers it doesn’t.