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"Re-elect Jan Cooper, Mayor of Whoreville," and the Other Best Lines from NBC's Thursday Night Comedies

By Dustin Rowles | TV | May 13, 2011 |

By Dustin Rowles | TV | May 13, 2011 |

Community (A. But my favorite part? Busy Phillips and Dan Byrd from “Cougar Town” in the celebratory crowd scene. FULL CIRCLE)

  • “Denny’s is for winners.”

  • “Those guys are ballers yo. I hope you like getting balled.”

  • “First of all, pop pop. Second of all, Magnitude is a one-man party. A one-man party can’t be in an alliance. That’s a paradox.”

  • “Ask yourself this question: What does liberal arts really mean?”

  • “We could just take Anthro 201.” // “Too risky. Sequels are almost always a disappointment.”

    The Office

  • “Gabe was a great guy who has so many wonderful qualities, but it was a challenge being touched by him.”

  • “You’re pre-fired! And when I am promoted, you’ll be full fired!” // “If you get promoted, and if you haven’t fallen in love with me by then.”

    Parks and Recreation (A+ first episode (the first A+ given here since “Modern Warfare”). A- second episode)


    (I wish there were also a GIF of Chris playing air banjo).

  • “Sounds like you took a snake and twisted it like a rag until its blood and guts came out.”

  • On Jonothan Franzen’s Freedom: “Why am I reading this?” // “Because I’m almost done with it, Ann, and I want to talk to you about Patty!”

  • “Baba Booey.”

  • “I won’t publicly endorse a product unless I use it exclusively. My only official recommendations are U.S. Army issued mustache trimmers, Morton’s salt, and the C.R. Lawrence Fein two inch axe-style scraper oscillating knife blade.”

  • “Chlamydia affects nearly 100% of Jan Coopers.” // “The Department of Health congratulates Jan Cooper, Miss Chlamydia 2011.” // “Re-elect Jan Cooper, Mayor of Whoreville.”

  • “Everyone steals. My favorite movie is Love Don’t Cost a Thing with Nick Cannon. Which is based on Can’t Buy Me Love, which is based on Kramer vs. Kramer, or something, which I think was Shakespeare.

  • “That is the most sexual tension I’ve ever seen in a conversation about documents.”

  • “I’m allergic to fingers.”