We don’t do this as often as we used to, but sometimes when there’s too much television to talk about in one week, I briefly touch upon all the shows I’ve seen in the last week (this should also prime some of you for the return of the Station Agents, which records tonight).
There are no spoilers.
25. American Horror Story: Hotel — I made it 50 minutes into the second episode before I had to stop. Even watching it at one-and-a-half speed, I completely lost interest. There are no characters that I can latch on to. It’s a cool music video, but it is not a series I can continue watching.
24. Quantico — I do not like this show. I cannot stop watching. Priyanka Chopra is intoxicating.
23. Life in Pieces — This was the booger episode. I hated it.
22. The League — I’m hanging in there because it’s the final season, but the the Beer Mile episode was lackluster, as most of the last season has been.
22. Modern Family — Not much worth mentioning in this duck-themed episode, except that they’re spending a lot of time on closets this season.
21. Project Greenight — It says a lot about Hollywood that it’s as difficult as it was for Effie Brown to ensure that the only black character in Jason Mann’s movie didn’t play a chauffeur. That said, once filming began on The Leisure Class, Project Greenlight became much less interesting.
20. Scream Queens — I like this show. It’s addictive, and I don’t hate myself for sitting through it. It’s more fun than any season of American Horror Story.
19. South Park — It was an amusing episode taking aim at Yelpers until the “Boogers and Cum” song at the end, and we know I feel about boogers.
18. Fresh Off the Boat — I know that Constance Wu is the MVP of this sitcom, but Randall Park’s unbridled enthusiasm is what really makes it connect for me.
17. Black-ish — The Daddy’s Day episode was not one of the series best, but even mediocre episodes of Black-ish are better than most sitcoms.
16. The Good Wife — Where personal politics and electoral politics intersect is where The Good Wife is often the best (plus, a great Luke Kirby turn).
15. You’re the Worst — What a devastating answer to where Gretchen has been going at the end of each episode.
14. Brooklyn Nine-Nine — I’m not normally a fan of fat-suit comedy, but how can you hate on Terry Crews and those nibs?
13. Last Man on Earth — Like most viewers, I don’t like the extended group, and I don’t like Phil when he’s around the extended group, but the cold open this week was spectacularly funny.
12. Nathan for You — The third season premiere was awkward as hell, and I often don’t know whether to laugh or hide while watching, but the gator guarding the $1 TV screens was hilarious.
11. Last Week Tonight — I learned more about Canada’s electoral system in 15 minutes than I’ve known my entire life.
10. Homeland — Honestly, I don’t entirely know what’s going on with Saul’s side of things this season, but Carrie is off her meds, there’s a new yarn wall, and the end of the episode was absolutely insane. I’m hooked this year.
8. My Crazy Ex-Girlfriend — A total, absolute delight, and the only new network show that I’m hooked on, so far.
7. The Knick — The Steven Soderbergh series returned for season two on Friday and didn’t miss a beat. Aside from the human drama, it’s so fascinating to see how doctors handled certain procedures before the technology that we have today arrived. Also, no show makes me turn away in horror more than The Knick (that nose!)
6. Doctor Who — It’s been a remarkably good season of Doctor Who so far, and Maisie Williams’ heartbreaking turn as a Viking only made it better. I’m looking forward to next week’s part two (and starting to prepare myself for Clara’s departure).
5. The Leftovers — Damon Lindelof’s show returned to Laurie and Tom Garvey and the Guilty Remnant, and though parts of it were despairing, I also thought it had some of the funniest moments of the season, so far (I also think that Tom is completely full of shit).
4. Amy Schumer at the Apollo — It was a very funny special, but it’s a weird thing to watch an attractive person ridicule her body so often for laughs. I’m sure it says something terrible about me as a person that my every instinct was to yell at the screen, “Stop saying those things about yourself. They’re not true!” even though I totally understand that in the context of being an actress in Hollywood, they sometimes feel true. Also, this was a really uncomfortable special for a guy to watch with his female significant other.
3. Rick & Morty — The season finale aired last Sunday, but I didn’t get to it until this week. It was as bleak as any episode of the series. It’s going to be a difficult year to year-and-a-half wait for the third season.
2. The Walking Dead — The second episode of this sixth season had a lot to live up to after the phenomenal season premiere. It was just as good, if not better, that the first episode, which is why Kevin Smith aptly compared last night’s episode to oral sex.
(I’m sorry, I only check in on Empire, Shonda Rhimes’ Thursday night block and the superhero shows during slower weeks).