Riverdale is back! That’s great! It’s just so great! Riverdale and Manifest are on during the same weeks now! Two days apart. It’s just so. very. great. I’m just so very happy.
Let’s get back to the format here: Out of context Riverdale.
Archie’s uncle, Frank — the late Fred’s estranged brother — shows up out of nowhere and now he’s suddenly part of the family, despite leaving years ago, the day after Fred took the rap for his DUI. After rival Stonewall High takes a golf club to Mad Dog’s knee before the big football game, Frank offers Mad Dog some pills so he can play through the pain. Mad Dog takes them, and he scores a TD, and even though Riverdale loses the game, Mad Dog is recruited by Notre Dame. The takeaway? “A year ago [Mad Dog] was in juvie fighting to stay alive,” Archie tells Frank. “But now [after you gave him the pills]? Maybe you changed his life.”
Worst afterschool special ever.
Elsewhere, the principal, Mr. Honey (Kerr Smith), foists a new cheerleading coach on Cheryl, whose dead brother played no role in her storyline this week. Basically, the new coach — who had won nationals four times with her previous team — takes over the team, and Cheryl takes back the team for the big game, and then the squad performs a weird, unpleasant, autotuned version “Cherry Bomb” set to a poorly shot football game montage.
Veronica — who is 17, need I remind you — manufactures a new rum for her speakeasy, but her father delivers her a cease and desist letter, saying that the “core ingredients” of her rum are the same as the ingredients that Hiram has patented. Veronica, however, outflanks her father by combining her rum with the maple sugar of Cheryl’s family to work around the patent.
Meanwhile, Betty is researching a story on Stonewall’s proclivity for violence, but she can’t lock down her sources, so Mr. Honey shitcans her piece. However, after Riverdale loses to Stonewall in the football game, Mr. Honey gives Betty the go-ahead to form a Quiz Bowl team to take on Stonewall in a few weeks, because he wants to win something against Stonewall.
Speaking of Stonewall, things are going well for Jughead over there, after he was admitted into a secret society, “Krull and Scones,” or something like that. In fact, it got him an interview with Yale, and by the episode’s end, he was celebrating with his father and members of his school his acceptance into the Ivy League school (though, Betty had been rejected by Yale in a previous episode).
I love TV show college, where someone else can apply to an Ivy League school on your behalf, you can interview with that school, and receive an acceptance letter all within the span of a week.
Cut to the flashforward months from now, and Bret is walking into Jughead’s room after his death. “I guess you got your wish, Ponytail,” he says to Betty menacingly. “[Jughead’s] not going to Yale, so I guess it will just be me and you.”
Header Image Source: The CW