Millions of us have been nursing Nick Offerman crushes since he brought a brusque allure to the grumpy yet lovable Ron Swanson on Parks and Recreation. Our crushes blossomed as we learned of Offerman’s passion for woodworking and undying lust and love for his wife, the great Megan Mullally. We’ve swooned over his shenanigans, mooned over his mindful observations, and purred at his grumbly giggles displayed in stand-up, tweets, and videos. But with his and Amy Poehler’s rapturous reunion on the crafting competition series Making It, Nick Offerman has reappeared as a total smoke show.
On Parks and Recreation, Offerman offered a dadbod, complete with ample belly, intimidating bearing, and a haircut that looked like a buttery brown helmet with a thick, no-nonsense mustache to match. On >Making It, the 48-year-old Offerman is trimmer and favors fitted jeans with crisp plaid shirts instead of dull slacks and mud-colored polo shirts. His helmet of hair has been cut lean, drawing more focus to his expressive eyebrows and stunning blue eyes. His mustache has flourished with facial hair stretching down to accentuate his apple cheeks, then bursting forth in a glorious salt-and-pepper beard that is bold but beautifully groomed.
It’s a look that’s masculine without being messy, stylish without being fussy, sexy without being scandalous. Yet Offerman has no pity for our racing hearts, and dares to be sweet and funny to boot! The bastard won’t let up! One minute, he’s having a pun-off with Poehler. The next he’s playfully pestering the contestants or demanding they add more meat to their projects. (In some ways, he really is Ron Swanson!)
Then, in last night’s “All of the Holidays at Once,” Offerman shared a personal story that perfectly captures his intoxicating blend of machismo, sentimentality, and goofiness.
Outside the crafting barn, Offerman told Poehler about a major moment in his relationship with Mullally. His face calm, voice deep, tone pensive, he said, “On the 4th of July, in the year 2000, my wife and I went to the Hollywood Bowl and saw Glen Campbell. And at the end of the show, she asked me to be her boyfriend.”
“Oh!” Poehler squealed with excitement, “‘Will you be my boyfriend!?’ What did you say?”
With this, Offerman’s veneer of chill shatters. His face breaks into a big, giddy grin. His voice gurgles with a stuttering glee, “I think I said, ‘O-o-o-okay. Okay! Yes!’” It’s funny and sweet. But more than this, it’s thrilling to see a man be so unapologetically elated about such a tender moment. It’s also very hot.
Forget internet boyfriends. Offerman is our internet husband. He is no boy. He is a man, with facial hair thick enough to support a full-sized hammock, a voice deep and rumbly enough to rile our lions from miles off, and a giggle so mirthful it’s contagious. He’s a man who values his partner, sharing his admiration for her with anecdotes about “daddy grabbers” and life-changing concerts. He’s a man who knows the joys that can be found when you challenge yourself.
Through his hosting duties on the show, Offerman shows he values hard work, creativity, and play, whether that means gobbling modeling clay, pitching himself toward a weird wooden portal, or quipping up with Poehler over crafts and snacks.
We know he’s good with his hands, because dude can build his own damn canoe. And he can deftly spin from straight-faced to silly, all while looking like the cover of Woodwerking It monthly. Plus, he’s got moves.
Apologies to the late Bob Ross, but the torch has been passed. Nick Offerman is the crafting woman’s sex symbol. And with news that Making It is getting a second season, we rejoice knowing we have plenty more opportunities to swoon and be inspired by the hottest man to ever wield a glue gun.