Liveblogging the 2017 Emmy Awards
10:03 - GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE! Thank you for playing!
10:01 - OK Margaret Atwood is the goddamn star of the night.
10:00 - As a million “YOU GET A HANDMAID’S TALE, AND YOU GET A HANDMAID’S TALE!” tweets fire off into the sun.
9:59 - I’m very happy the show is ending on time because I’m sleepylike but WAS IT WORTH CUTTING OFF STERLING? No my friends.
9:58 - SHIT YEAH YOU STAND FOR OPRAH. WHEN THE LORD ENTERS, YOU STAND.
9:56 - Elisabeth Moss, you’re so glorious and amazing and I’m just saying GIRL YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE IN SCIENTOLOGY YOU CAN BE FREE IT’S OK but I’m happy for you.
9:54 - Playing off is one thing. But the cutting the mic and pullaway camera move? Mean.
9:51 - STERLING K. BROWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN YOU GUYS YOU GUYS HE IS PERFECT AND AMAZING AND I LOVE HIM AND HE’S AMAZING AND ALSO PERFECT AND YOU GUYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYSSSS
9:43 - You know how some of you still think you’re too good for How to Get Away with Murder? CICELY TYSON ISN’T. YOU THINK YOU’RE BETTER THAN CICELY TYSON?
9:40 - EVERYTHING IS GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
9:37 - “I have two little girls” because her monsterass ex-husband poisoned the older two away from her.
9:35 - YAS NICOLE KIDMAN. Guys I love her. Guys I love her so much.
9:32 - RIZ AHMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9:30 - Can we talk about the fact that Kevin Can Wait killed off Erinn Hayes just so he could be on TV with Leah Remini again? COME ON. THAT IS NUTS. CBS IS NUTS.
9:22 - Can you IMAGINE being handed a comedy award by Norman Lear and Carol Burnett? I mean, the Veep people probably can. And double AW Julia just referred to Dave Mandel as “Mr. Mandel” to Lear and Burnett.
9:20 - AW at Kevin Spacey filming Julia’s speech with his phone!
9:18 - Normally I get sick of the same person winning every year. I DON’T HAVE THIS ISSUE WITH JULIA.
9:16 - At Donald Glover cleaning up:
9:14 - Edie Falco has been the same age her whole career. Like she’s been a really stunning 40 just this whole time, no more no less.
9:12 - Serious question time:
Worse idea for a TV show— Courtney Enlow (@courtenlow) September 18, 2017
9:06 - Damn yeah, John Oliver producer wearing pants. Get it.
9:05 - Priyanka Chopra’s dress is the actual worst.
9:04 - I don’t know how to keep reacting to SNL wins but this very tiny man is very adorable so yay him.
9:03 - There really are no tiny paper stores, that’s just true. Also, Adam Scott’s hands are shaking so bad because he is a precious small bean of a man and I want to hug him.
8:54 - Nothing but respect for MY president.
8:52 - SAN JUNIPERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS EMMYS IS SO GAY AND PERFECT AND I WANT TO LIVE INSIDE OF IT FOREVER LIKE SAN JUNIPEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
8:50 - What the Ed Grimley fuck is happening to your hair, bro?
8:48 - I’ve just developed a massive crush on Reed Morano and I’m obsessed with her dress.
8:46 - I love Rashida’s glasses. I do not love the weird tiny dress cutouts trend. And I really do not love what ever freshening Mark Feurstein did to his eyes.
8:46 - Just a reminder that I was at Columbia College Chicago at the same time as Lena Waithe and feel actually blessed.
8:37 - Anna Chlumsky is crying, because this moment is perfect and Anna Chlumsky has been queen of accurate reactions tonight.
8:35 - YEAHHHHHHHHHHHH MASTER OF NONE WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LENAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8:32 - The Emmy style previews for other CBS entities is very confusing to me. Because this is Hayma Washington, not Young Sheldon. Unless that show went a VERY different direction.
8:28 - Also, my one celebrity impression:
Also here's my impression of how Ann Dowd says "Kevin." pic.twitter.com/SkjY9MEgKo— Courtney Enlow (@courtenlow) July 13, 2017
8:25 - OK, buckle the fuck up friends: I’m taking you back years ago when I was on The Station Agents. Leftovers had just premiered and I was all I LOVE ANN DOWD and everyone else was like lol who and TODAY I STAND VINDICATED.
8:24 - Jeremy. Piven’s. Hair. WHAT. NO. WHAT?
8:23 - If you see Oprah, you thank her. I don’t care if you see her at Pottery Barn. YOU THANK HER. FOR EVERYTHING.
8:22 - Look, SNL had a swell year and all but I can’t watch Jost’s smugass face win another Emmy right now. We’ve been through enough. JOHN OLIVER ALWAYS.
8:18 - COME THRU, MAMA RU. Ru 100-percent brought his own lighting.
8:18 - VIBRATOR JOKES ALL DAY EVERY DAY, Y’ALL.
8:11 - A 9 to 5 reunion is ALWAYS the answer. BURY ME IN THEIR FILLERS.
8:08 - If you were a Big Little Lies hold out on account of it seeming like the sad rich white lady show, IT IS SO GOOD.
8:03 - Flawless use of Rachel Bloom. Also I normally hate when they try to make a thing about making fun of the accountants (you people keep nominating Modern Family, LET THEM HAVE THEIR MOMENT), but this was pretty great.
8:02 - GOOD.
SEAN SPICER IN THE GREEN ROOM STANDING ALONE STARING AT HIS PHONE— billy eichner (@billyeichner) September 18, 2017
7:57 - Obvious, but earned: The Emmys Story, Sometimes.
7:55 - I may be sober tonight but my 2-year-old just took off his pants and is doing air kicks so he’s living my usual award show life for me.
7:53 - Much like so much of LIFE, The Handmaid’s Tale was incredible and wonderful and so dark and depressing and realistic and hold on going into the sadness spiral the show sent me into, brb.
7:49 - I didn’t know we were going to get naked Colbert, but I ACCEPT.
7:41 - Anna Faris looking GREAT post-split. You don’t need any man who would put a giant cross on your lawn, girl.
7:40 - I’m very happy for Donald Glover and also? He looks GOOD. He looks FOINE.
7:33 - I love that Laura Dern is the kind of person who calls a group of women her “tribe” because that’s exactly the kind of person I always imagined her to be.
7:31 - LAURA DERN HAS NEVER GOTTEN AN EMMY BEFORE? That’s buttsbonkers.
7:29 - They played her off while praising Hillary Clinton JUST LIKE GODDAMN AMERICA DID TO ALL OF US.
7:28 - KATE!!!
7:27 - Why did the drama supporting actors get clips and comedy actresses just get gifs basically?
7:25 -Been about 10 minutes and still mad about that Spicer thing. CAN YOU IMAGINE IF IT HAD BEEN MELISSA MCCARTHY THOUGH? That would have been wonderful.
7:18 - Some of you don’t watch This Is Us for reasons of maudlinness but Ron Cephas-Jones is goddamn INCREDIBLE in it. But he doesn’t win, Lithgow does.
7:18 - Reese’s dress is very “I’m right on top of that, Rose” but in a terrible and shiny way.
7:17 - These five perfect actual angels deserve better than to follow SEAN SPICER.
7:16 - NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NO TO SEAN SPICER NOPE NOPE NOPE
7:15 - I’m sorry for that thing I just said “And Peggy-ing…her dad.” It sounded better in my head.
7:12 - AW JASMINE CEPHAS-JONES! She’s And Peggy-ing Milo and her dad!
7:10 - YOU LEAVE THIS PRECIOUS GIRL BE AND DO NOT DARE RUIN HER OR HER CAREER. - me to Millie Bobby Brown’s dad through the TV
7:08 - “Brooding chunk of meat” is actually a very concise description of Liev Schreiber.
7:04 - We’ve gt multiple Trump references, a comment about Confederate AND a line about cops not getting convicted? This is one woke Emmys.
7:02 - That’s crazy, because Dustin’s HBO Go password is also SEXBOT 123.
7:00 - GotDAMN Allison Janney looks amazing.
6:55 - So, important personal announcement: as I had minor surgery this week for an infection in my leg and and on antibiotics, this will be one of those wineless liveblogs I used to do like when I was filled with babies but I’m not filled with babies I’m filled with infection and pestilence.
6:47 - We are live and WE’RE COMING IN HOT WITH A VERY SERIOUS BREAKING NEWS ALERT.
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