Jimmy Kimmel’s annual, “I told my kids I ate all their Halloween candy” montage has returned, and man, some people get really mad about parents participating in this every year. I’ll say this, as a parent: I f**k with my kids all the time. That’s what kids are for! We make their lunches every day, wash their laundry, and chauffeur them around, and pay on average $14,800 a year to properly care for them, according to a study that apparently does not account for childcare, which can cost $14,800 a year on its own.
In either respect, f**king with our kids is the only thing we get out of the arrangement (and maybe an occasional hug), but at least in my household, there is a line. If the reaction is angry, childish, or entitled, the joke can run for hours and by the end of it, in a case like this, maybe I’ve actually taken the candy away. However, if there are real tears involved? “Oh sh*t. I’m so sorry! I was just joking! It’s OK, it’s OK. Here’s your candy! And here’s some extra! You want some ice cream, too?”
There’s a good mix of both here, plus the occasional, “So what?”
The kid who was trying to keep it together while telling his mom that it was OK may have actually broken my heart.