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It's Time to Reboot the USA Network

By Dustin Rowles | TV | November 8, 2023 |

By Dustin Rowles | TV | November 8, 2023 |


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The USA Network still exists, but it’s a shell of its former self. The only scripted series currently airing on the network is Chucky, while the rest are third-rate reality shows like Miz & Mrs., wrestling, NASCAR, and other sporting events viewers would not be willing to pay to watch on a streaming platform. The USA Network is crap.

But it could be the crown jewel of Peacock. Suits, the former USA Network series, is the biggest show in streaming this year, so big that they are rebooting the series. We need to take it a step further and reboot the network. I love to watch the Psych movies that come out every couple of years, but you know what I would love more? An entire season of Psych. That is precisely the kind of fun, entertaining mystery comedy detached from reality that we need right now.

No need to stop there. Let’s bring back Burn Notice. Did we ever find out what that show was actually about? Because I watched several seasons before realizing that they were never going to solve the central mystery. A decade later, and you know what? I don’t care. Just give me Bruce Campbell cracking wise in a Hawaiian shirt every week.

Screw it: We’ll take Royal Pains, White Collar, In Plain Sight, and Covert Affairs reboots, too. They’re better than 95 percent of what they put on network television now. And while we’re at it, the new USA Network could add some of those USA series on other networks that felt like they belonged on USA, like Rizzoli and Isles, Franklin and Bash, and Love Monkey. It’s finally time to make Love Monkey the hit it should have been! Tom Cavanagh deserves to be a household name not just in Canada but in New Jersey, too!

Nobody cares about the gritty reboot of Fresh Prince or Twisted Metal. If Peacock were smart, they’d rebrand as The New USA Network, and their Kaley Cuoco series, Based on a True Story, would fit perfectly. But these people have no smarts! We know it will never happen. Instead, we’ll settle for the long-awaited Monk movie. Here’s the trailer for Mr. Monk’s Last Case.

Welcome back, Tony Shalhoub and the girl from Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place. Also, why does everyone look 20 years older except Shalhoub? Mr. Monk’s Last Cast arrives on December 8th.