By Dustin Rowles | TV | January 27, 2025 |
Since 2018, no team has won more regular-season or postseason games than the Kansas City Chiefs, who defeated the Buffalo Bills last night to advance to the Super Bowl for the third consecutive year—and the fifth time in six years. They’ve won three championships in that span, and now they’re aiming to become the first NFL team ever to win three straight Super Bowls.
And honestly? It has soured the entire 2024-25 NFL season.
It’s not because they’re not great — they are, this year and historically — but because they’re no longer fun. Worse, they’re not even fun to hate. The last dynasty, the New England Patriots? That was a team you could hate with gusto. They had Bill Belichick, the league’s resident Darth Vader, and Tom Brady, the GOAT who never let anyone forget it. Brady ditched his pregnant supermodel girlfriend to marry another supermodel, refused to eat red foods, had a MAGA cap in his locker, and exuded the charisma of canned parmesan cheese. And he still sucks weekly from the announcers’ booth.
As a lifelong Colts and Peyton Manning fan, I know the two best Super Bowls of the 21st century, and neither one of them are the Colts win (or the Broncos win with Manning at center). No, it wasn’t the Patriots’ 28-3 comeback against the Falcons in 2017, either. Go f*ck yourself. It was when Eli Manning and the Giants beat the Pats. Twice. The best? The Giants’ win after David Tyree’s helmet catch ruined the Patriots’ perfect season.
That moment was *chef’s kiss*. I don’t even like the Giants, but nothing beats taking down the Big Boss, the league’s most loathsome team with the most loathsome players. And the fact that the Pats didn’t return to the Super Bowl for three years—and then lost to the Giants again? Perfection.
The Chiefs, though? They can’t even be loathsome right. Last year, half of us were still rooting for them against the 49ers, partly because Travis Kelce’s relationship with the world’s biggest pop star was still fresh. Blue-state America loved them because of Taylor Swift. MAGA folks inexplicably rooted for the 49ers for reasons I can’t even remember why or how that ever made sense.
But now? Ugh. They’re boring. Kelce’s not what he used to be. Aside from Mahomes, there aren’t many big stars. And while Mahomes’ brother and wife are annoying AF, Mahomes himself is so inoffensive it’s not even fun to hate him. The worst thing about him is his style of play, which mirrors late-stage Brady: boring, high-percentage screens and slants. Except Mahomes can run and somehow escape every goddamn time. Nothing feels more inevitable than Mahomes scrambling for a first down. Why is there always an acre of grass in front of him?
Even Andy Reid is impossible to hate. The guy seems genuinely decent, his players love him, and he’s suffered real tragedies. He’s fond of Taylor Swift and, fine, he looks like Vernon Dursley, but that’s more funny than hateful.
You can’t even hate Kansas City. I’ve been there several times. It’s lovely. The nicest dudes come from KC: Paul Rudd, Jon Hamm, Jason Kander. The BBQ is incredible. Nearby Lawrence is a fantastic college town. There’s just nothing to hate.
The Chiefs will face the Eagles in a rematch of their Super Bowl from two years ago. Everyone will root for the Eagles, even though they’re teetering on the same predictable excellence as the Chiefs. At least they’ve got Saquon Barkley, the one guy worth rooting for. After years of suffering on the sad-sack Giants, Barkley’s breakout season has finally showcased the kind of brilliance that could have made him one of the all-time greats if he’d been on an actual team instead of a major-market farm club.
As for the Chiefs, the only interesting storyline is the potential three-peat, and that’s just because Brady and the Pats never managed it. Would it be cool if Mahomes made the case for being better than Brady? Maybe. But again, at least Brady was fun to hate. Mahomes congratulates defenders when they sack him. He says “great job” to linebackers who knock him down! Who wants a nice guy like that winning every year? It’s not fun.
If Mahomes isn’t going to decline anytime soon, and if he insists on running for a first down every goddamn damn time, can he at least do the rest of us a favor and take a heel turn? Maybe he and Kelce could have a falling out. Maybe Mahomes could say something shitty about Taylor Swift’s music or declare his love for Ted Cruz. Just give us something, Mahomes, besides “All glory to God.” He can’t even talk shit about the opposing QB after a close win. “I always feel for him — he’s a great player, an amazing competitor and an awesome dude who I respect so much,” Mahomes said of Josh Allen after the game. Ugh. You suck, Mahomes.
At least there’s Harrison Butker. We can always hate the kicker who never kicks unless it matters, and then never misses. Goddamn, it’s going to be the worst Super Bowl ever. Go Birds. I guess.