I have been so spoiled by streaming television and the Red Zone channel and the fast-forward button that I can no longer, in good conscience, in 2022 the year of Satan, sit through a television commercial. I cannot do it. It feels like a profound waste of time. It feels like being held hostage in two-minute increments. I will pay $3.99 to watch a movie that I could otherwise watch for free with commercial interruptions because it is the 21st century, and I have been in the workforce for too long and, dammit, I deserve better than to suffer through 16-18 minutes out of every hour watching Geico geckos, ads for shitty beers I will never drink, and detergents that I already buy. I escaped that trailer park in Arkansas all those years ago and my reward is to be able to watch Nanny McPhee 2 without suffering through the futility of a useless remote trying to outsmart an IMDb TV ad.
Well, it’s not IMDb TV anymore, folks. The free, streaming television service where you can watch all the Paul Blart, Ernest, and 50 Shades movies, as well as 22 seasons of Midsomer Murders has a new name, and it’s a doozy:
What Bezos intern came up with that name? And is it because, after buying IMDb, Amazon made it next-to-unusable and now the corporate giant doesn’t want its free streaming television service associated with dodging 53 display ads to find out who directed an episode of Russian Doll? Is that it?
Nothing says, “I’m gonna watch a show on my laptop that I’m barely going to pay attention to while I’m cooking dinner” like Freevee. Enjoy fives seasons of commercial-interrupted episodes of Deal or No Deal, folks!