Old School. Biblically Independent.
By Dustin Rowles | TV | May 10, 2026
Cold Open — Aziz Ansari is back as Kash Patel, and he and Colin Jost’s Pege Hegseth have added a third Brewski brother with the return of Matt Damon’s Brett Kavanaugh in what may be the best (and maybe most depressing) cold open since … Matt Damon’s original Brett Kavanaugh cold open. Just three chill dudes getting black-out drunk. (Score: 9 out of 10)
Matt Damon Monologue — Pretty good monologue, as the show opted against bringing in the moms of all the cast members (except Marcello’s). Don’t worry, though, Matt Damon’s got you covered. (Score: 6 out of 10)
The Monster Channel — An American submarine spots Godzilla in the ocean, but this is not about Godzilla. It’s about poor Mikey Day being the recipient of what may be the world record for spit takes. Poor guy. Makes for good comedy, though. (Score: 7 out of 10)
Mom the Movie — It’s the perfect Mother’s Day movie: It’s completely devoid of conflict and includes only things that Mom wants to happen in it, like her kids are moving home and she’s married to Matt Damon. (Score: 7.5 out of 10)
Tough Guys — These three “tough guys” talking about how everyone these days is a “tough guy,” but there’s a twist and just when it’s about to get old, Marcello throws in a kicker. (Score: 6.5 out of 10)
Tidy Care Kitty Litter — It changes color to tell you the health of your cat, but if it’s a dark aquamarine blue, then, well … that ain’t the cat. By God, the writers have found their groove. (Score: 7.5 out of 10)
Weekend Update — A good run of political jokes followed by Jeremy Culhane bringing back his Tucker Carlson impression to discuss the MET Gala. It is so good. I am gonna skip the kamikaze dolphins (because the only good joke here is about Colin Jost’s ferry), and also Jane Wickline singing a song about being late to everything and not respecting anyone else’s time. (Score: 7 out of 10)
Substitute Teacher — A sub ends his tenure by using the last few minutes of his class to get the kids dancing, only they don’t dance, and that poor sub is just left in the wind. Painfully cringe, in a good way? (Watch Here) (Score: 5.5 out of 10)
A Scene from the Crumbling Marriage of Two Auctioneers — It’s almost exactly as you’d expect from the title, but that’s exactly what you want to see. (Score: 6 out of 10)
Verdict — The episode lost a little steam midway through “Weekend Update,” but it still goes down as one of the better episodes of the season. They should invite Matt Damon more often.
