After seven long seasons of HBO’s “Entourage,” the show finally ended last night with one of the bigger more ethereal thuds in television sitcom history, proving itself in the end to be a male-oriented “Sex and the City” with half the substance. The premise wore itself out in season three, the writing hasn’t been funny since season four, and for the last three seasons, “Entourage” has simply drifted. For some of the characters, their titles have changed, and they’ve each gone through a series of relationships, but ultimately, they’re the same carefree dolts that entered season one, only they’re all much much wealthier. It might have been a better series ender if it’d simply floated on its nothingness instead of tacking a rom-com ending onto the series, but I suppose everyone needed happy — though slightly ambiguous — endings as fodder for a long-rumored Entourage movie that probably will never happen.
So, for those of you who cut out after season four and want your decision validated, or for others with an inkling of curiosity, here’s how it ended for the “Entourage” gang. Spoilers, obviously, ahead:
Vince: After leaving rehab at the beginning of the season and lining up another high-profile acting gig, Vince spent the latter part of the season chasing a journalist, Sophie, who had dismissed him after an interview. Somehow, after Turtle and Johnny Drama made a video of all of Vince’s ex-girlfriends praising Vince as a generous, sweet guy, Vince was able to coerce a date out of her. Twenty-four hours later, and they were set to be married in Paris (and the episode ended with them en route).
Eric: In the season opener, he’d been dumped by his series’ long on-again, off-again girlfriend, Sloan, because he refused to sign a prenuptial agreement. E and Sloan had a few angry exchanges throughout the season, and E slept with Sloan’s mother-in-law, but in the end, Sloan found out she was pregnant with E’s child. And, after Turtle, Johnny Drama, and Vince talked her into it, E and Sloan ended the episode on a conciliatory note, en route in another airplane to an unknown destination.
Johnny Drama: Turtle and Drama’s career arcs essentially ended last week, and this week, they were supporting players in the lives of Vince and E. Drama, after landing a plum role as the voice of a monkey in an animated sitcom Billy Walsh modeled after Drama, Drama nearly lost it when Andrew Dice Clay — another voice actor on the show — convinced Johnny to demand more money and go on strike, before the show even began. Eventually, the move paid off; Drama’s salary demands were met, and after Vince greased the wheels, Drama got the lead in a television movie based on a script that Vince wrote in rehab.
Turtle: Like Drama, Turtle ended the series single. He’d recently sold his stake in a tequila company he helped to grow in order to open up an Italian restaurant in Los Angeles. He ran into some financial problems but, once again, Vince — who had secretly bought Turtle’s shares in the tequila company — bailed him out with $3 million that Turtle would’ve made had he held on to his shares when the tequila company went public.
Ari: After Mrs. Ari left him in the beginning of the season, he spent the rest of the season trying to get her back. In the end, he managed to do so by quitting his job, although in a post-credits sequence he was offered what is essentially a Rupert Murdoch type of job.