FX's 'The Beauty' Isn't Good, But It Hasn't Fallen Apart Yet, Either

There’s good and bad news when it comes to the latest Ryan Murphy series, The Beauty. The bad news: It’s not great. It’s slick and well-shot and chock full of cameos, but five episodes in, it’s already spinning its wheels. The good news, however, is that it hasn’t yet succumbed to Ryan Murphy Syndrome and completely s*** the bed. Then again, there are still six episodes left in the first season.

The series stars Evan Peters as Cooper Madsen, a former Navy SEAL and FBI agent investigating a string of deaths linked to “the Beauty,” an injection that transforms patients into the most beautiful possible version of themselves. It’s basically an immortality elixir with some unfortunate side effects. For one, after an injection, the patient vomits their guts up, contorts in bone-crackingly uncomfortable ways, gets really thirsty, and forms a chrysalis, from which they eventually emerge as a gorgeous human specimen (albeit covered in goo that has to be washed off).

The other unfortunate side effect is that some people have very bad reactions: They go on murderous rampages before eventually exploding. Not something you’d want to put in the pharmaceutical commercial: “Side effects may include unquenchable thirst, killing sprees, and full-body explosions.”

Those full-body explosions can also infect others with the Beauty, as can having unprotected intercourse, which is a real shame. You can turn into the hottest version of yourself, but you can’t have sex. What’s the point? That’s where Antony Ramos comes in. He plays the Assassin, an enforcer working for “the Corporation,” who took the drug years ago. He is technically 65 years old in a 30-something body. He kills those who’ve been infected American Psycho style, only instead of Genesis songs, he prefers Christopher Cross. It’s blatantly ripped off, but it’s also kind of amusing. He even has a right-hand man, a former incel turned hot, enthusiastic killer.

The Corporation is run by tech billionaire Byron Forst (Ashton Kutcher), who is mass-producing the product for worldwide distribution, fatal side effects be damned. It’s not immediately evident, but five episodes in, we discover that he’s also a patient, one of the first, and used to be played by Vincent D’Onofrio (surprisingly decent casting).

Which brings us back to Evan Peters’ Cooper Madsen. He’s trying to locate the source of all these violent and surreal deaths, but the Assassin always stays a few steps ahead. His best friend with benefits, another agent played by Rebecca Hall, is also infected via sex with someone else, transforming her into a perfect-looking 25-year-old played by Jessica Alexander, who is obviously still not as hot as Rebecca Hall, because who is?

The majority of the show so far is basically watching various cameos (Ben Platt, Meghan Trainor, Bill Eichner) take the product, transform into younger versions of themselves, and eventually die in spectacular fashion. And honestly, that’s kind of it. It probably should be a movie, but The Substance already exists, so Murphy just stretches a very similar premise across 11 episodes instead.

That’s what Ryan Murphy does. He also typically loses the plot about halfway through and turns the whole thing into a completely different series. That, at least, hasn’t happened yet. Instead, it just repeats itself, which is somehow an improvement. Still, it’s not really worth watching unless you enjoy seeing various Ryan Murphy regulars explode. And honestly, there are worse things. Like every season of American Horror Show.