David Ellison and Paramount Are Just Embarrassing Themselves Now

I initially went to law school because I wanted to be a criminal defense attorney and help protect marginalized people from unfair prosecution. At some point, however, I got really into securities and even wanted to be an SEC prosecutor and go after Wall Street bros. That dream was dashed when the SEC rejected my internship application (probably for the best, because the SEC feels toothless now).

The point is: I know about hostile takeovers. In the case of Warner Bros. Discovery, it’s basically like Netflix and Paramount courted WBD. They sent flowers, took WBD out to dinner, and at the end of the day, WBD said, “I choose Netflix.” A hostile takeover is the equivalent of saying, “I don’t care who you chose. I’m better for you. You have to marry me whether you like it or not.”

That’s what David Ellison, annoyed because WBD rejected his advances, is doing here. He’s trying to override the board, go straight to shareholders with an offer backed by Saudi Arabia, Qatar, and Abu Dhabi wealth funds, and demand they take his deal because he thinks he knows what’s best for WBD.

Here’s the kicker: In its bid, Paramount notes, “We believe the WBD Board of Directors is pursuing an inferior proposal which exposes shareholders to a mix of cash and stock, an uncertain future trading value of the Global Networks linear cable business, and a challenging regulatory approval process.”

Basically, Ellison is saying he kissed up to the administration better than Netflix CEO Ted Sarandos (who also kissed up to the administration last month). “My nose is browner,” is essentially what Ellison is saying, which is like insisting, “Never mind your own wishes. Dad likes me better.”

I don’t like either option, though I think Netflix is the lesser of two evils (and Comcast might have been an even lesser evil). But what’s almost certainly about to happen is that as the two companies fight over WBD, both Netflix and Paramount — which collectively own a lot of American media — will do everything in their power to acquiesce to Daddy so they get their way.

Here’s another fun layer of irony: Just this morning, Daddy got real mad at Paramount over an interview with Marjorie Taylor Greene that 60 Minutes aired. From Truth Social: “My real problem with the show, however, wasn’t the low IQ traitor, it was that the new ownership of 60 Minutes, Paramount, would allow a show like this to air. THEY ARE NO BETTER THAN THE OLD OWNERSHIP, who just paid me millions of Dollars for FAKE REPORTING about your favorite President, ME! Since they bought it, 60 Minutes has actually gotten WORSE!”

I wouldn’t be so sure about that smooth regulatory approval, David.