'Crisis On Earth-X' Conclusion: The Crossover Craziness Continues...
Well, that’s it folks. That’s a wrap on this year’s Big Honking Superhero Crossover on The CW. Marriages were had. Nazis were defeated. Heroes returned. Heroes were laid to rest. Wanna have a big spoilery chat about it? Then step right this way!
Last chance to back away slowly…
1) OMFG Leonard Snart Is Back… And He’s Making Out With Russell Tovey!
Look, it’s already cool seeing my favorite uptight werewolf (BBC Being Human 4eva!) flying around and glowing and talking with that American accent. But then they went and put him a loving, committed relationship with Wentworth Miller’s Leonard Snart, and I’m just a puddle now. Seriously, mop me up.
So how did it all work? *clears throat, waves hands* Something something Russell Tovey plays a dude named Ray whose superhero name is The Ray (obvious guy is obvious). He comes from Earth-1 but somehow got stuck on Earth-X (NaziWorld) and is now a freedom fighter working with Leonard Snart. Who, by the way, is possibly more delightful in his Earth-X persona than when he was a straight-up sorta-villain on Earth-1, or a reformed sorta-good guy on Legends of Tomorrow. Why? Because he’s into obeying the law, and he’s emotionally expressive beyond kissing his boyfriend! He hugs Barry. He has a sit-down with Mick (who was a damn COP on Earth-X!). He’s just, like, insanely charming. Gay Snart FTW!
When it’s all over and the day is won, it would have made sense for Ray to want to stay on his home planet, but instead he decides to head back to Earth-X with Leo (HE GOES BY LEO!) and continue fighting the good fight. BUT THEN THERE’S A TWIST — because Leo decides to hang out for awhile on Earth-1 to see what’s up? I think he understands that his doppelgänger left some loose ends, or he sees these heroes who are emotionally vulnerable and wants to help them, or something. I dunno. I’ll take what I can get. Though honestly? Seeing him last night made me really sad that Miller is almost through with his time in the Arrowverse — for good.
Let’s see, what else happened?
2) Stand Down Everyone: Cisco Finally Woke Up, And The Rest of the Legends Show Up To Help Too
Better late than never! Cisco, Wells, and others are locked in the pipeline, while Reverse-Flash preps Supergirl for heart-removal surgery. Oh yeah, bee tee dubs this entire crossover is happening because Nazi Supergirl needs Nice Supergirl’s heart or she’ll literally explode. Her husband, Evil Ollie (a.k.a. “The Führer” — I shit you not) traversed the multiverse to save his Alien Aryan beloved’s life. Moving on.
The power-duo that is Iris and Felicity end up John McClane-ing around in the vents trying to release Cisco, save Supergirl, and send a distress call to the rest of the Legends — who are presumably sulking on the Waverider about not getting invited to the wedding. Honestly, this part of the story got a little tedious, with Thawne brandishing his surgical cutlery all menacingly while Iricity (couple name!) encountered hurdle after hurdle. I’m all for their girl power saving the day without actual powers, but that storyline was clearly dragging its feet waiting for the heroes to find a way home from Earth-X.
What made it all worth it? Ray Palmer shrinking down and physically holding Thawne’s knife away from Kara’s chest. YAY LEGENDS!
3) Barry Lets Reverse Flash Go Because FUCK YOU BARRY GODDAMNIT
So the heroes have their big damn showdown with the Nazis, right? They all march purposely forward to square off, and naturally Barry, Kara and Oliver end up fighting against their counterparts. Except, again — there was no Nazi Barry, just Eobard Thawne. But Barry has learned a lot since the last time they fought, and he pretty easily comes out on top. And then, when he realizes he doesn’t want to kill him… Barry just lets Thawne run away.
SERIOUSLY. He practically wished him luck. Like, Barry, buddy, c’mon now — you literally know where there are holding cells built for people with super powers. Why don’t you… take him there?
Only Barry Fucking Allen can make “growing and learning” look so much like “continuing to fuck up.” But whatever — I’m sure this decision will IN NO WAY come back to bite him in the ass, right?
4) Felicity Steals All The Spotlight
So last night Felicity very loudly told Oliver that she didn’t want to marry him… in the middle of Iris and Barry’s rehearsal dinner/shindig. Everyone heard her. Was that the right venue to dig into the details of their relationship? Probably not, but Papa Joe gave a beautiful speech so I was able to overlook Felicity’s glaring social faux pas. Joe West makes everything better.
AND THEN. Barry and Iris decide to just get married on the quick, so Barry runs and kidnaps Diggle because he’s apparently certified to marry people. Barry and Iris trade vows, and they’re about to be pronounced man and wife with Ollie and Felicity there as the best man/maid of honor/witnesses…
You know where this is going, right?
FELICITY IS ALL LIKE “WAIT! OLIVER, LET’S GET MARRIED TOO RIGHT NOW.” Like, fucking Nazis broke up Barry and Iris’s wedding and now they get upstaged by this shit? So anyway, suddenly it’s a four person wedding and they’re all pronounced man and wife and I’m assuming this is the introduction of polygamy into the Arrowverse. The end.
Oh wait, one more thing:
5) Martin Stein Dies
Stein, one half of Firestorm, got shot while trying to open the portal that would return our heroes to Earth-1. And Jax, the other half, acted as a human life support system to keep Stein alive. But it couldn’t last. So Stein made the decision to take the Firestorm “cure” that Cisco, Wells, and Caitlin had devised, in order to separate himself and save Jax. It was a helluva send-off, all things considered. Despite all the characters and action, this crossover gave the Firestorm pair a lot of emotional time together. Sure, we knew Victor Garber would be leaving the show somehow, and it was apparent that something was afoot as soon as that blue cure vial showed up… but it still hurt.
Now we just have to see what Jax gets up to without his other half.
Anyway, these are just the big hits, but there was SO MUCH going on. The Sara/Alex dynamic was fun and mature and something I hope we get more of in the future. Evil Supergirl totally exploded. Killer Frost goes full-on Iceman with her ice-ramps and shit. And also…
Where the fuck did that mysterious caterer go?
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