THE STORY SO FAR
EARN: Accompanies Paper Boi and Darius to a nightclub where Paper Boi is expected to do some promotion and get paid for it. The only problem is that the club’s owner/promoter, Chris, is incredibly reluctant to give Earn the money that he’s asking for. So reluctant that when he offers Earn some shots to drink (Earn loves telling people how much he hates shots as often as Dante from Clerks likes telling people how he’s not supposed to be at work today), he actually waits until Earn’s back is turned while drinking so he can use a secret, revolving doorway to pull a disappearing act. (Yes, really)
The very attractive woman who is bartending can’t help but laugh at the look on Earn’s face, which is of both anger and complete disbelief, which only angers Earl even more and makes him proclaim how much he hates the club and everything about it. The bartender calls him out on his shit and tells Earn that if he hates the club so much then he should just leave instead of acting as if he’s better than everyone else there. Earn explains that he’s at the club for work-related purposes and the bartender calls him out on that as well, stating that his work involves stunting and drawing the attention of others, much like everyone else at the club.
After several minutes of flirting and free drinks, Earn is tipped off by the bartender that the nearby fire alarm switch activates the secret doorway and upon activating it, he goes through and is led directly to Chris’s office. He demands all $5000 that Chris owes him and Paper Boi, but not before spewing vomit on his office floor due to all of those free drinks. Chris simply tells him that they’re only getting paid $750, due to nonexistent, tacked-on bullshit fees that he’s charging them for (added security due to Paper Boi ‘being a thug,’ cost of printing flyers, exceeding permitted amount of liquor for bottle service) and that $750 is all they’re going to get. After threatening him with the possibility of ‘going for his heater,’ Earn sees that he has no choice but to take the money and leave. Especially since Earn is, as he puts it, someone who doesn’t scare people like Paper Boi does since they know he only drinks juice.
PAPER BOI: Sitting with Earn and Darius in his own designated-and-barely-occupied VIP section of the club and wondering why more people aren’t more enthusiastic about his being there (with the exception of a young male fan who sees Paper Boi and geeks out over him in the form of rapping one of Paper Boi’s own tracks to him from beginning to end. Paper Boi is not impressed). Almost all eyes in the club are on pro basketball player Marcus Miles, who makes so much money that he’s being accompanied by a parakeet wearing a leather jacket and is driving around in an invisible car. (Yes, really. Darius shows pictures from Marcus’s Instagram profile that show him posing with his invisible car as proof. Paper Boi is not impressed.)
Paper Boi soon grabs the attention of an attractive woman looking in his direction and he invites her over to his VIP section so that the two of them can flirt and exchange anecdotes for the next couple of hours. That doesn’t stop him from continually being annoyed at other clubgoers paying more attention to Marcus Mils than to him, as well as sitting in his VIP section and hanging out for drinks, even though he has no idea who they are. He tells pretty much all of them to bounce (except for the ladies, obviously) and just as he’s about to go back to flirting some more, the DJ announces that Marcus Miles has bought the whole bar for the night…and has no intention of having any more drinks provided to anyone…so…that just results in everyone getting their last drinks in from bottle service before they leave for the night and head home. Paper Boi asks the woman he’s been flirting with all night for her number, but instead she offers her Instagram and then tells him that she has a boyfriend. As far as she’s concerned, their flirting wasn’t a waste of time considering that he got to hang out with fine-looking women and have fun while hanging out at the club.
As if the night couldn’t get any worse, Earn tells him that they’re not getting paid the full amount they were promised, which leads to Paper Boi storming into Chris’s office and beating the shit out of him as if his name was Brian Griffin.
Which of course leads to Chris feeling a lot more charitable than he did with Earn and giving Paper Boi the entire $5000.
As Earn, Paper Boi, and Darius stand outside in the parking lot, chatting and enjoying the rest of the evening with the other clubgoers, a burst of random gunfire rings out and everyone starts making a run for it. Earn, Darius, and Paper Boi jump in their car and drive off, and Marcus Miles can be seen doing the same in his invisible car, running some people over while doing so. (Wonder Woman would be SO ashamed). The three of them head over to the local chicken-and-waffles joint, which is where the nearby television set airs news footage of the club shooting and states that Paper Boi is now considered a suspect for both the shooting and for armed robbery.
Paper Boi’s response: “Man, fuck the club!”
DARIUS: While hanging out with Earn and Paper Boi, he exits the VIP section to get himself a drink and also converse with the bouncer watching over the VIP section. For some reason, when he returns and tries to re-enter the VIP section, the bouncer stops him and tells him that he’s not allowed back in without a yellow wristband. The wristbands that Darius is wearing on both arms, neither of which he knows where they came from, are yellow, so Darius does the rational thing upon realizing that he won’t be allowed back in VIP: he goes home, eats a bowl of cereal, and plays video games. While eating said bowl of cereal, Paper Boi wonders where he is and calls him back to the club.
ANY CAMEOS FROM THE CAST OF COMMUNITY?: No.
HOW MANY F-BOMBS WERE THERE IN THIS EPISODE?: A whole motherfuckin’ lot. Er—I mean, yes.
ANY TIME-TRAVELING ALIENS IN THIS EPISODE?: No, Dustin, but I’m sure Genevieve made you very happy when telling you about Marcus Miles and his invisible car.
SO THAT PROBABLY MEANS THERE WERE ALIENS? You don’t know that, Dustin. For all you know, Marcus stole that invisible car from Themyscira.
OR MAYBE MARCUS IS REALLY A TIME-TRAVELING ALIEN DISGUISED AS A HUMAN, SO THAT MEANS I WAS RIGHT: ……….
(looks at Dustin the way Paper Boi looks at…well, everyone who annoys the shit out of him and then heads on over to Google to find the contact information for ACME Products, so I can simply order one anvil to drop right on Dustin’s head)
TO SUM IT ALL UP: Eventually, I will run out of ways to say how incredibly funny Atlanta is, but watching a show in which invisible cars and secret passageways straight out of James Bond are both used to hilarious effect pretty much guarantees that it won’t be happening any time soon.
This episode of Atlanta was brought to you by “Knuck If You Buck” by Crime Mob (WARNING: don’t listen to this while you’re at work, as you may end up wanting to fight someone)…
…and by “Bitch Better Have My Money” by Rihanna.