Old School. Biblically Independent.
By Emma Chance | TV | June 13, 2024
William Shakespeare wrote, "Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em." Which one is Ariana Madix, the scorned woman of Vanderpump Rules? She was introduced to us in a cheating scandal, but she was the other woman, with whom her eventual sworn enemy, then boyfriend, Tom Sandoval, cheated on his other girlfriend, Kristen Duote.
@bethjaclyn I love that place #thegoldennugget #vanderpumprules #tomsandoval ♬ original sound - Beth Jaclyn
Tom and Ariana then enjoyed nearly a decade of cocktails, commenting on their friends' cheating scandals, and disagreeing about how much sex they should be having and if they should have children. Was it the picture of partnered bliss? Absolutely not. Was it anything, really? Also no. Before the cheating scandal heard 'round the world, Scandoval, broke at the end of VPR season 10, I had no thoughts, feelings, or opinions about their relationship whatsoever.
But in the light of an affair not unlike the one that began her relationship, Ariana Madix suddenly had a personality. She expressed anger, sadness, and eventually confidence, the likes of which we'd never seen from her. One uncovered clandestine phone sex recording was all it took to take her from supporting character to leading lady overnight. Now she sells everything from batteries to shoes, her name is in lights on Broadway. She was on Dancing with the Stars, and she's the new host of Love Island USA.
Madix is not the first reality star to make it to Broadway. Erika Jayne of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills played the same role in Chicago. Jayne also competed on DWTS, as did Teresa Guidice of Jersey, Kenya Moore of Atlanta, and a slew of other Bravo personalities. The Traitors has become a reality farm, as well as House of Villains, and Special Forces. All of this to say, reality stars doing other reality shows is not rare. And yet, the announcement of Madix's new hosting gig was met with fanfare comparable to that of any new music announcement from Beyoncé. She has achieved a level of fame as yet unseen in the reality television space--she's not famous for being herself, be that a villain, hero, or some ridiculous character in between, but for what happened to her.
Does being in the wrong place at the right time make for a charismatic dating show host? That's a difficult question to answer because the host of Love Island is, historically, not that important to the show. We hear more from the announcer/narrator, Scottish comedian Iain Stirling, than we do from the host, whomever they happen to be, and that's true across the franchise. The host struts in for the beginning, when the singles all meet and introduce themselves, walks them through coupling up--maybe offering some friendly advice like "Be yourself!" and giggling at the awkward flirting--and then leaves, and only returns again when it's time to vote someone out of the villa or to announce some other dramatic plot point. The opportunities for bringing anything original or interesting to the show are few.
Madix's introduction in the opening credits of season 6 had the same budget, I can only imagine, as a Scorsese film--so crisp was the production value, so brazen was the use of copyrighted songs like Sabrina Carpenter's "Espresso." "The search for true love is never easy, and for some, dating has been a disaster," she said winkingly as the lucky islanders lip-synced to "Came Here for Love" behind her, culminating in a choreographed dance on a Fijian dock. Then she shared some champagne with the girls and was all "I've got your backs!" and they were all "We got YOUR back, babe!" She said she would be watching and that if she saw any bullsh**, she'd call it out. She said the same thing on The Talk, adding, "I want to have a big sister kind of vibe," and "I plan on being very involved."
This is a humorous statement for a few reasons. First, because it simply doesn't work like that. What, she's gonna be waiting in the wings in full glam, listening for some buff guy to say something problematic, ready to tell him off? She's gonna march in there and kick him out? Buff guys saying problematic things is, like, the whole point of Love Island. It's a show about watching a bunch of hot strangers sit around a pool and try to make conversation. They don't even get to drink to excess. There are about 100 episodes per season, and apart from making out and putting makeup on and taking it off, the hot strangers saying problematic stuff to each other is what drives the show. Also, if she were so invested in standing up for the girls and being involved, why not step in and say "Girl, why are you crying over a man who is literally a snake-handler?" Furthermore, when are you even with them enough to have the vibe of a big sister? Was it a big sister vibe when you led them through an introductory make-out game before choosing which person they met 5 minutes ago they wanted to share a bed with? That indeed sounds like a big sister vibe if your big sister was the kind of person who locked you in the closet with your middle-school crush for 7 minutes in heaven and then told your mom you had a boyfriend.
It's more of the same empty, vapid girl-power stuff we've come to expect from Madix, and it's getting old. We've taken a woman who no one cared about before she was cheated on, given her saintly status, and called that empowerment. You wanna know what would be empowering? A woman being admired for being herself, or for something essential to her character--talent, charm, wit, intelligence--and not what some asshole dude did to her. Madix's whole brand is having bad taste in men. None of this passes the Bechdel test. Imagine if her costar, famously single and kind of miserable Katie Maloney, whose divorce was the biggest thing to happen on VPR until Scandoval, was the new host of Love Island? At least she'd have a facial expression different from Madix's resting "I'm a badass woman lady girl" robot smile. Which is precisely why it would never happen: we don't reward women for being complicated, we reward them for being hot blondes who look good in revenge dresses survivors of trauma. If she had to lose before we let her win, what game are we even playing anymore?
A hot new bombshell has entered the villa, and she's giving nothing. Nothing at all.
