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8 Cuckoo Bananas Things We Learned From Last Night's Absolutely Batsh*t "Scandal" Finale

By Joanna Robinson | TV | May 17, 2013 |

By Joanna Robinson | TV | May 17, 2013 |

8. …Soooo, that takes care of Cytron, yes?: I mean, Cyrus just dusted those chip bits into the bin, I would have burned each individual particle and buried the ash and salted the earth. But I guess this will do. Until it doesn’t.

7. David Rosen Is A Good Guy! Sort Of?: Despite all heavy-handed symbolism, this show isn’t black and white. Everyone is a muddy shade of slate. But I was saddened last week when I thought Joshua Malina was going to be on the other side. I like him on Team Pope. His double cross of Billy Chambers was delightful if mildly predictable. Oh, Billy, did you really have to enumerate and name every one of your victims?

6. I Almost Wish He Had Gotten Her Gladiator Sandals And A Galea Instead: As symbols go, the white hat is fairly obnoxious. That being said, David Rosen, Newly Minted U.S. Attorney, is one fine gift giver. That is a jaunty, bejeweled hat. Well shopped, sir.


5. We Need To Talk About Quinn: Looks like Huck’s protege enjoyed herself a little too much. They’ve been building towards this slowly all season and so the pay-off here was both well-established and disturbing. Her gleeful face spattered with blood? Maybe my favorite image of the night. It was enough to send Huck scurrying back to his corner. We’ll have to look out for her next year. Maybe she’s B6-13 material?

4. They Put Noel In A Box!: I was hoping after Noel had his badass moment and reward smooch he slip off into the night never to be seen again. I was just assuming this was a convenient way to write Scott Foley off the series. Instead, they put him in the Huck box. You know what that means? That means they can break him out to cause trouble next season any time they like. I approve. Especially if he gets a beard.

3. Thank You Cyrus. Damn.: This scene, where Cyrus tells Olivia how it really is? This was marvelous. I think all of us are guilty of being caught up in the wishing and the hoping for Fitz and Olivia, but he’s right. This isn’t a romance novel. Olivia is never going to be First Lady.

2. So She Chose Her “Family”: This was an odd moment to me. When Liv chose her staff, her family over Fitz. It makes more sense for her to walk away because he murdered an old lady, right? Also, was anyone else troubled by the fact that they were talking murder and election fixes right in the middle of the damn Oval Office? Isn’t it established that there is at least a ceiling cam? This should have been another one of their famous whispered windowsill conversations.

1. It’s A Maury Povich Moment: So here was the big “what the sh*t” moment that ABC claimed we had to watch live. And it’s pretty good. I did not see it coming. It should also but to rest any doubts you might have that what you are watching is 100% soap opera. A stylish, well-acted soap opera. Make no bones about it. My question, however, is does Cryus not know who Olivia’s father is? Isn’t she his “best” friend? Would’t this have come up at some point? Perhaps I should go re-watch the scenes between Cyrus and Joe Morton’s Rowan to see if the show just neatly side-stepped the issue. Well, the secret’s out now. Both his identity and Olivia’s mistress status. My favorite part of that whole ending? The ladies who were mean-mugging Olivia in the lobby of her apartment building. Get used to it, Liv. It’s going to be a long summer hiatus.

For a bonus shock and awe, this is how the audience (and then the cast) reacted to the reveal of the final twist during a live read last night. Please note that Jeff Perry (aka Cyrus) is literally kicking his little feet up with glee.

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