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10 Things We Learned From This Week's Graceless Episode Of "American Horror Story"

By Joanna Robinson | TV | November 30, 2012 |

By Joanna Robinson | TV | November 30, 2012 |

There were some whispers in the comments section last week about who is responsible for torturing the arm off of Adam Levine in the modern day book end scenes this season. First of all, I’m so impressed with all of you for keeping it spoiler free. Secondly, your whispers were officially confirmed. I’ll just let this link speak for itself and protect the spoilerphobes.

Sister Mary E. Can Move Sh*t With Her Mind
This should be fun. We also learned in her scene with The Angel Of Death that the original, quivering Sister Mary Eunice is still alive and buried under all those demonic layers and cheap red lingerie. Frankly, I prefer the demonic version.

Kit Is Really Good At Looking Innocent
Yup. Nothing To See here.

Actually One Of The Most Graphically Disturbing Images In The History Of
“American Horror Story”

And that’s saying a lot.

One Is The Loneliest Number Ancient Aramaic For “Shachath”
According to some light Googling I did, Shachath means “to destroy, corrupt, go to ruin, decay.”

According to Ryan Murphy “Shachath” Means Frances Conroy As The Grim Reaper By Way Of Coco Chanel
I loved Conroy. More than I have in most other things. Her mincing delivery (which can sometimes grate) was perfect here. And the wings were gorgeous.

Drunk Jessica Lange Is The Best Jessica Lange
I loved seeing her play opposite Conroy again. I can’t wait to see her sink her drunken Lange-y teeth into Dr. Thredson. Please say that’s coming.

Even Closeted Serial Killer/Rapist Nipple Lamp Makers Have Their Standards

Lana Is Really Really Bad At Escaping
A) She forgot one of the most important rules. No double tap, Lana? No beating him until he passes out? No choking him out with your dead lover’s frozen thigh bone? Boo.

B) She hopped into a car with Ethan from “Lost.” EVERYONE KNOWS ETHAN FROM “LOST” IS A LOOSE CANNON.

I’m Embarrassed To Admit That Ryan Murphy Got Me
Usually I can see this kind of sh*t coming. Dream sequences, fantasies, etc. But I genuinely thought Murphy had the balls to kill off his most popular/famous actor before the season was through. Like I said, I’m not proud I fell for it and I would have missed Lange if she were gone, but you have to admit that would have been a shockingly great move.

Instead We Had To Bid Grace Adieu
We knew Murphy wouldn’t let Kit and Grace run off into the sunset together and, personally, I’m grateful. It was getting confusing watching Lizzie Brochere on “The Hour” and “American Horror Story.” So goodbye, Grace. You had the loveliest bum of them all.

P.S. Gentle readers. We’re still no closer to knowing about the damn Aliens. We’re exactly in the middle of the season. Six more episodes to go. Let’s see what other kinds of crazy we have in store.

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